Hi everyone,
Well I thought I'd introduce myself, as I've been lurking for quite a while now. I feel that it's time I start interacting more, as life has become excruciatingly painful to deal with lately. Unfortunately, I don't trust a single human in real life so I don't feel like I can talk to anyone. And then there is the fact, I often feel like people are going through the motions and not really connecting. So here is all I have, and I am very grateful for it.
Brief background:
Childhood: Significant childhood physical and emotional abuse
Adulthood: multiple abusive relationships, alongside sexual trauma.
Currently: I have an emotionally unavailable and abusive partner, and now I have the mother in law joining in. Healthwise, I'm not doing great. I have a couple of chronic conditions, but matters have been made worse by repetitive errors made by health care professionals and then my concerns being gaslighted or dismissed. I feel like I have a form of medical ptsd to add to the mix. .
I'm terribly frightened in this world. Just now I opened the door to the postman, and when I shut the door I had a full on panic attack, I'm 36, and a mum of one daughter, I'm meant to be the one who makes her feel like the world is her oyster and that she is safe, But how can I do that, when I feel utterly terrified by the world. I love her dearly, but I feel like I've failed her.
I'm struggling to find people that have empathy. My soul is broken.
Well I thought I'd introduce myself, as I've been lurking for quite a while now. I feel that it's time I start interacting more, as life has become excruciatingly painful to deal with lately. Unfortunately, I don't trust a single human in real life so I don't feel like I can talk to anyone. And then there is the fact, I often feel like people are going through the motions and not really connecting. So here is all I have, and I am very grateful for it.
Brief background:
Childhood: Significant childhood physical and emotional abuse
Adulthood: multiple abusive relationships, alongside sexual trauma.
Currently: I have an emotionally unavailable and abusive partner, and now I have the mother in law joining in. Healthwise, I'm not doing great. I have a couple of chronic conditions, but matters have been made worse by repetitive errors made by health care professionals and then my concerns being gaslighted or dismissed. I feel like I have a form of medical ptsd to add to the mix. .
I'm terribly frightened in this world. Just now I opened the door to the postman, and when I shut the door I had a full on panic attack, I'm 36, and a mum of one daughter, I'm meant to be the one who makes her feel like the world is her oyster and that she is safe, But how can I do that, when I feel utterly terrified by the world. I love her dearly, but I feel like I've failed her.
I'm struggling to find people that have empathy. My soul is broken.