Thank you for welcoming me, for all your well wishes and sharing your thoughts on various treatment options!
I had been in the situation I wrote about in the first post for more than half a year, but right after I posted it there was a change. I have now been assigned a therapist from my local mental health facility. We will work together following methods described in a book that is called "Coping with Trauma-Related Dissociation: Skills Training for Patients and Therapists" by Suzette Boon, Kathy Steel and Onno van der Hart.
I have met my T a couple of times and even though its new and I feel scared about therapy I am also curious. I really hope that it can help me get somewhere because I'm so tired of feeling stuck in my "pattern". This pattern is basically "running running running", never stopping because I'm so afraid of what I might feel If I allow myself to pause. Obviously if you keep doing this you crash and I do and then everything stops for a while, but as soon as I start to feel again I have to start running/keeping myself occupied again and so it goes...
It is nice to see that you have such positive things to say about being a part of this community.
Reading that Boatsetsailrose have had such a great experience with a trauma specialized therapist and that you feel like over all the help you have received over the years was important and helped you get to where you are today was especially encouraging to read. I also think it is interesting to hear that you could get a lot of work done even without digging so much into the past.
Since I have been "in" the mental health system for most of my life, I have done a lot of digging. Early on I learned to speak "on autopilot" without really being present. Now talking to a T about the past or traumatic events always leaves me feeling awful and like I do not even own myself. I enter a state where I just talk (and not in a good way). I would like to be aware of what I am saying and how I feel about it or have the opportunity to say "I do not want to answer that question right now because it feels too intimate" or just be able to think while I am in the conversation, but I can not. Are there anyone else that have experienced anything like this?
I had been in the situation I wrote about in the first post for more than half a year, but right after I posted it there was a change. I have now been assigned a therapist from my local mental health facility. We will work together following methods described in a book that is called "Coping with Trauma-Related Dissociation: Skills Training for Patients and Therapists" by Suzette Boon, Kathy Steel and Onno van der Hart.
I have met my T a couple of times and even though its new and I feel scared about therapy I am also curious. I really hope that it can help me get somewhere because I'm so tired of feeling stuck in my "pattern". This pattern is basically "running running running", never stopping because I'm so afraid of what I might feel If I allow myself to pause. Obviously if you keep doing this you crash and I do and then everything stops for a while, but as soon as I start to feel again I have to start running/keeping myself occupied again and so it goes...
It is nice to see that you have such positive things to say about being a part of this community.
Reading that Boatsetsailrose have had such a great experience with a trauma specialized therapist and that you feel like over all the help you have received over the years was important and helped you get to where you are today was especially encouraging to read. I also think it is interesting to hear that you could get a lot of work done even without digging so much into the past.
Since I have been "in" the mental health system for most of my life, I have done a lot of digging. Early on I learned to speak "on autopilot" without really being present. Now talking to a T about the past or traumatic events always leaves me feeling awful and like I do not even own myself. I enter a state where I just talk (and not in a good way). I would like to be aware of what I am saying and how I feel about it or have the opportunity to say "I do not want to answer that question right now because it feels too intimate" or just be able to think while I am in the conversation, but I can not. Are there anyone else that have experienced anything like this?