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Im lost in this * i'm gonna be 40 and i was diagnosed with c-ptsd last year. I was exposed to decades of abuse from both of my parents which didnt stop even in my adult life it was just a different form of back stabbing sabotage malicious behavior abusing my kindness for weakness. I'm unemployed no friends about to lose my apartment I feel like i have a terminal disease and its finally close to the end. I see so clearly how destructive this cancer of self hatred and internal anguish has completely destroyed my ability to push on.