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Hi Boatsetsailrose,

Thanks for sharing your story with me.

Yup...I hear you.  I was the "peacemaker" of the family growing up, the one who tried to bring levity into tense situations . I was my Mom's protector.  Then I was my Wife's protector, although I very much wanted her to stand up for herself. In a sense she is doing that now, I do see that thru this mess.

I am still wrapping my head around "co-dependency" as it relates to us.  There is a bit of it there and I will give it some more thought.

Take care

Appreciate the reply Kizzie,

   Didn't mean to put the responsibility of diagnosing upon others.  I was hoping for and gratefully received input as it may or may not relate to C-PTSD.

   Stopping that drug cold-turkey was the catalyst for sure.  The sad part was that she wasn't taking it for depression, but because it alleviated nerve discomfort.  I am sure they were only treating the physical and were not aware of the mental issues.

   Agree couples therapy would welcome.

   I'll close by saying I am very impressed by the caring and calmness of this website and I have gained much insight into C-PTSD.  Should my Wife wish to delve into "us" in the future I shall be a better stronger person for stopping by here.

Best wishes and Thanks to all.
-Nalu

 saylor,

Yes something more than C-PTSD is going on, what exactly I may never know unless she tells me.

I most assuredly trigger her and now realize that taking care of her after she crashed took a bigger toll on me than I cared to admit.  The result was for the first time in 28 years I allowed my frustration/anger to show. No violence or yelling, but I did let her know my boundaries on one occasion.  Soon after she was telling friends I was going to abandon her. I would never, but I can see now why she would think that.

I am sure the hormones are in play also.  I do feel for her.

Sadly yes to the paranoia as her Mom suffers from paranoia and my Wife was always terrified she would walk the same path.

What a mess.... although I can't say I wasn't warned.
      Thanks for your help.

Thanks for the warm welcome saylor,

Yes, we both suffered pains because of my Wife's C-PTSD, but you are spot on when you mention there were plusses.  I accept and understand her need to find her voice, to be heard and valued.  That is something I always wanted for her and by extension us.  She was just taught to always smile and never complain.

Looking back I do see that we have been navigating life with her C-PTSD together.  It was occasionally bumpy, but it worked.

Then it all fell apart: she was having an affair, acting with no empathy, was at times outwardly cruel.  I was lost, but found many answers to what I was seeing on a site dedicated to people whose spouses were having a major midlife crisis.  Although I think of it as an identity crises.

Her affair partner is a younger version of her father in all ways and her actions mimic the actions of her father.  With the crisis they explain the person needs their affair partner to be like the one that caused them trauma in order to resolve the past.

So to my questions.

In my limited reading here I don't think I have read about such abandoning of ones earlier values, friends, spouse and loosing empathy for others.  So is such a major switch not part of C-PTSD?

The first sentence after admitting to the affair she said, "He makes me feel so good, let me tell you about it".  Up until finding this site I always wondered what that sentence was about, but now I think, she truly wanted to share the information with me.  She was not trying to be hurtful, but all her empathy was gone, she had not a clue the pain that would have caused me. Does that make sense?

She texted me several times asking that we meet.  I was hesitant, but agreed to meet, on the way to see her she called my sister and explained how I was abusive and that she was scared of meeting me and why did I want to meet with her.  Another time she called offering me her rental as she was moving out, I accepted the kind offer, then the next day she tells the landlord not to let me know where she's moving to as such info would be signing her death warrant.  Is this type of varied thoughts part of C-PTSD?

In short how or why did I go from being her "Rock" to being her "Devil"?

I'd appreciate any insight.

HI,

   I can not possibly express in words how incredible I find this website to be.  The gentleness and caring shown here by all or you is truly inspiring.

   Within a month of our first date my future Wife said to me, "I have many problems(schizophrenic Mother, alcoholic Father) and needed you to know that so you can decide if you want to take me on".  I did and everyday from then on I have loved her and did my best to provide a stable loving environment. It wasn't easy, but for 30 years I was proudly her "rock" and I would not trade the gift of her presence upon me for the world.

   During our time together she suffered two life threatening events, attended al-anon, saw a therapist to help with one of those events then fell into the pit of despair after stopping, without her doctors permission, an anti-depressant cold turkey.  Sought counseling again and was diagnosed with PTSD. The following therapy ripped her apart.  Although I was not included in the therapy directly she shared with me into some of what she was going thru. She described feeling tremendous shame and numbness. I was always there for her if she needed warmth and support or just to talk or just to leave her be.

   6 months later in her eyes I became the devil and severed all ties to me. It has been 2 years since then and she recently filed for divorce.  This prompted me to say reach out to her, until then I just let her be as none of her actions made sense to me.  We did meet and talked about simple things for 3 hours.  All was good until I became more animated in describing a beautiful thing I had seen and then she shut down.  A few minutes later I realized that she has been suffering from PTSD, now I know it is C-PTSD, her entire life.

   And this revelation landed me here.  I still love and care for my Wife and would like to continue understanding what she is going thru. Eventually maybe we can talk again about deep subjects, but for now I hope you all will not mind if I ask a few questions to help me learn.

Thanks for reading