Hello everybody and thank you for having me here. I am new to this and forums in general, so please forgive any faux pas I make and correct / redirect me if I do so.
HOW I DEVELOPED CPTSD:
Birth / Childhood:
I have an emotionally vacant, Narcissistic Mother. She was hyper-critical and emotionally neglectful to me as an infant/child. Although I am of above average IQ and an empath / HSP but was an invisible child; my mother did not notice these things about me. She has never gotten help so she remains toxic to this day. I limit my exposure to her.
Adolescence:
I discovered my dad, who was a Lutheran Minister, was having an affair. I kept it a secret for about a year; a heavy burden to bear as a 14 year old. Once I told my mom, they got a divorce.
Freshman in college:
I got engaged at age 17 in high school to a 23 year old. When a freshman in college, I broke off the engagement. 6 months later, he was murdered by his new gf's ex-husband.
Twenties:
A man attempted to rape me; I successfully fought him off.
Thirties:
I was with an alcoholic abusive boyfriend. He broke a bone in my foot, he broke my forearm and broke 3 of my ribs.
Forties:
I was in another abusive relationship with a man with mental health issues and an active addiction. He broke my arm in the same place it was broken before, stole $700 cash from my purse and fled in my car.
I then married a decent man; however he was ill with cirrhosis of the liver, then liver cancer. We got him on the liver transplant list but he died before getting a new liver.
Fifties:
I got remarried (much too quickly) to a man with (unbeknownst to me) Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I was unaware of the Narc / Empath "draw". I locked myself in my separate bedroom for a year and a half to protect myself from his mental abuse.
Current situation:
I escaped our home in September 2019. I have my own apartment with my cat - it is my sacred space!
What I am doing for recovery and healing:
I am immersing myself in learning about 1) NPD, 2) the Empath & Narc connection, 3) the trauma bond and 4) my CPTSD. I begin working with a new therapist who specializes in trauma, tomorrow, to begin my healing journey; I am reading books, scouring the internet for knowledge and I am participating in this group.
Thank you!
HOW I DEVELOPED CPTSD:
Birth / Childhood:
I have an emotionally vacant, Narcissistic Mother. She was hyper-critical and emotionally neglectful to me as an infant/child. Although I am of above average IQ and an empath / HSP but was an invisible child; my mother did not notice these things about me. She has never gotten help so she remains toxic to this day. I limit my exposure to her.
Adolescence:
I discovered my dad, who was a Lutheran Minister, was having an affair. I kept it a secret for about a year; a heavy burden to bear as a 14 year old. Once I told my mom, they got a divorce.
Freshman in college:
I got engaged at age 17 in high school to a 23 year old. When a freshman in college, I broke off the engagement. 6 months later, he was murdered by his new gf's ex-husband.
Twenties:
A man attempted to rape me; I successfully fought him off.
Thirties:
I was with an alcoholic abusive boyfriend. He broke a bone in my foot, he broke my forearm and broke 3 of my ribs.
Forties:
I was in another abusive relationship with a man with mental health issues and an active addiction. He broke my arm in the same place it was broken before, stole $700 cash from my purse and fled in my car.
I then married a decent man; however he was ill with cirrhosis of the liver, then liver cancer. We got him on the liver transplant list but he died before getting a new liver.
Fifties:
I got remarried (much too quickly) to a man with (unbeknownst to me) Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I was unaware of the Narc / Empath "draw". I locked myself in my separate bedroom for a year and a half to protect myself from his mental abuse.
Current situation:
I escaped our home in September 2019. I have my own apartment with my cat - it is my sacred space!
What I am doing for recovery and healing:
I am immersing myself in learning about 1) NPD, 2) the Empath & Narc connection, 3) the trauma bond and 4) my CPTSD. I begin working with a new therapist who specializes in trauma, tomorrow, to begin my healing journey; I am reading books, scouring the internet for knowledge and I am participating in this group.
Thank you!