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I have been in Dynamic style psychotherapy for about 3 years and my psychiatrist has just gone on an extended leave so it will be several months before I get to see her again. I feel a bit adrift. Just the thought of her not being 'there' is triggering in itself. I tried looking for an online 'backup' or self-help app but I have mistrust issues with online sites unless I have some reassurances. Any suggestions would be welcome. 

  BP, The short answer is: some days I don't cope, and some days I cope in some ways. Sometimes time goes by that seems relatively 'normal' then you get blind-sided by an Emotional Flashback triggered by something bizarre and unexpected. The fact that you are here, posting, is a sign that you are performing self care. It's why we are all here. Hope it helps.

I have been on Mirtazipine (Remeron) for depression for close to a year. I am on a fairly high dose and it works well for me. I have had no major side effects from it at all.

I say kudos to you for asking the questions! That takes a degree of confidence that some of us don't always have for fear of what people might think. I say  for you. How he reacted was his own stuff. I know that when you find the right vehicle you will feel good about it! Good job!

A very wise psychiatrist told me years ago. "There IS someone watching and judging/criticizing everything you do....and that person is 'you'." He then suggested that I decide my own standards and illustrated that, as an example, there are extreme differences what is considered a 'clean house', and that I need to decide for myself what my own definition is. This shift in perspective did help me a lot at the time.

Thanks for being here. That in itself is a comfort. Knowing there are other people that 'get it'. For me the strongest emotion triggered is always rage. It is really the only emotion my psyche will allow.  I know there is grief, sadness, shame, loneliness beneath the rage but they are heavily 'vaulted'.

For the most part this pandemic isolation is a positive for me because I don't have to turn down any social invitations! 

I think the crying while watching TV is a release. I would say cry and let it come out especially if it is when you feel safe enough like when you are watching TV alone.

I have friends who are not taking this pandemic seriously and it is triggering huge amounts of anger in me. I am worried that I will lose some friends entirely over this. It is that 'LISTEN TO ME!!' scream in my head. I know that my anger at those who are putting others at risk is valid but I also feel within myself that it is triggering an HUGE emotional response that I am barely able to control. Anyone else dealing with rage because of this situation?

Yes, Thanks Kizzie,

My mother was diagnosed with schizophrenia and was in and out of mental hospital, even before I was born. So whether there was prenatal stress is an in my case is an absolute. It took me years of frustration and misdiagnosis of pain and symptoms from many different doctors before a dermatologist finally made this connection and at last it all made sense! It didn't make it go away but even having the answer is a huge relief in itself.   Just like understanding about EFs doesn't make them instantly go away but it sure goes a long way to relieving the 'crazy' feeling.

My brain and also my immune system are hyper-vigilant. My dermatologist diagnosed  it as "atopy". He said "I could put you in a bubble and you would still have allergic reactions- hives/sinusitis/asthma" When I looked up causes of atopy, low and behold one of the theories is "Maternal psychological trauma in utero may also be a strong indicator for development of atopy." Well that sure fits.

Thanks Dreamriver,
There is safety in numbers, so thanks. Maybe we could all get our Inner Critics to just talk to each other!

My fear of conflict manifests as feelings of guilt for not 'speaking up' when I 'should have'. For instance if I am in a conversation where someone starts making sexist or racist comments I clam up and say nothing. Then I torture myself endlessly for not standing up for what I believe in. These are only two examples but there are countless others all the time, even trivial things that don't really matter at all or wouldn't cause any real conflict I never 'disagree' with what is being said. Then I carry the guilt and shame.

I used to think that I had my Inner Critic under control but the past few days I have noticed it rearing its ugly head, telling me I am selfish and self-absorbed triggered by feeling the need for solitude and reflection. Last night I was watching an old mystery movie with friends and I kept thinking "oh that nasty character that everyone hates is just like ME!" even to the point of thinking that maybe their comments about that repulsive, bossy, conceited woman  in the story were actually veiled comments directed at me. I do not actually think that is the case at all, but there is that tiny voice that tries to convince me otherwise.  Then of course there comes the 'maybe that is true' and I start trying to come up with things I have done or said that PROVE that I am not selfish...on and on..

Kizzie, I can totally relate to this! I recently suffered a huge EF from news stories about gross injustice committed by a person in power (I won't go into details but you can likely guess...it seems to be a daily occurrence recently). I felt panicked like being a powerless hostage. I struggle with this a great deal these days. I tried a 'news fast' but that didn't work. It seems as if being 'up to date' becomes an obsession. I will certainly try the 'good news' stories as a way to balance the emotional roller-coaster.

Thanks Krizzie (and fellow Canadian ) I actually tried doing a "news fast" for that exact reason. Still a challenge. But at least now I know that part of my response is my own "stuff" and that helps. Feeling at the mercy of a person or situation is a huge trigger for me. Thanks for being here.