Messages

I read in the posting guideline that this is a place to help oneself in recovery, not to give advice.. but I need some and would like to ask for it from fellow people who are in the same type of boat here.

What if my identified triggers are so normal.. let me give you an example.. I know (in my rational working thoughts) that many people get floaters in their vision with age.. those little black specs that float around in your vision field. BUT this is something that triggers me to thinking it’s something bad and to fear, I honestly believe it could be life threatening and the panic insults me, manifesting into fear of all kinds of normal bodily sensations being life threatening!

What do can I do!?!? I feel defeated, as if there is nothing that I can do about it. ☹️

My ACE score is 6 and the resilience score came to a 5. I wish there was more info on the resilience score. I'm not surprised though.

Hi,
I'm new here and just learned of my CPTSD. I'm almost 32 years old but my CPTSD has been with me since my early 20s stemming from my childhood years of repeated traumatic events and followed by more traumatic events in my adulthood. So, I don't know what forum I should be in the childhood or adulthood forum?

I grew up not knowing my dad because he was active in the Navy till I was 9. My mom was 17-18 yo when she had me and my brother came 2 years after me.

*** TW domestic violence, alcoholism ***



I am an Adult Child of an alcoholic. My interactions, still to this day and back through my childhood, are of my dad being drunk and breaking things, screaming, my parents constantly arguing and fighting, leaving the house when he was acting like that and or hiding so he wouldn't come find me. 

As I grew older, my dads drunken rages ended up with me bleeding, being choked, having to listen to him ramble about how much he loves me to then go off the deep end and start punching/breaking everything near him.

*End TW*


I left the house when I was 17 and had my first son by 19 and second son at 22 with my ex that treated me and the kids like pictures on a wall. My kids are both autistic and have other disabilities on the spectrum and I had zero support from their dad and all of the family. I thought I was strong enough to take all of it on by myself but was wrong when I turned to marijuana to numb my pain so I could be focused on my children's issues and everything they needed.

I quit marijuana many years ago and that's when all my crazy symptoms came flooding in. I was in the darkest place of my life, trying to survive living.

There are so many more working parts and pieces to my journey but I don't want this to be too long. To summarize those parts, childhood neglect, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, rape, near death experience, my children's journeys, alcoholism, substance use, constant anxiety, OCD, CPTSD, and physical symptoms of anxiety that feel life threatening are all parts of my journey.

I am hopeful to find others similar to me so that I don't feel so alone and can hopefully come to accept things for just what they are and not be so terrified to live each day.
Thanks for reading