Messages

I find comfort in reading the responses to my message topic.
This helps take some of the pressure off.
Thank you
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I'm doing great with some areas of my recovery...I'm getting great nutrition, support from a team of practitioners, I'm getting exercise, making contact with you all, my apartment is clean, my garden is watered and weed free, I'm reading to support my recovery and doing interesting and fun things...a checklist I am very grateful for. I have built this with gentle steps over a long period of time.

At the same time, I'm heartbroken, isolated and in pain about my burden of loneliness. I feel kind of trapped or hemmed in. I want to hide while also feeling an immense pressure to connect.
Some of my most recent attempts have backfired because of my awkwardness and anger. After all these years of processing my anger (since the early 70's) I can still be surprised when it surfaces inappropriately. I have a daily practice of siphoning it off. I think it helps me keep clear of toxic waste.

I've had some SI flaring up in little bursts lately. I notice them and like potholes in the road, I navigate around them. It just tells me the level of distress I imagine myself in.

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TY

Thank you.
Both.
I plummeted today. Mostly I'm doing pretty well.

My best friend moved away out of the country in March.
My relationship with my therapist has changed to more of an external support.
At 'peak FB' times it seems important to reach out.

I recently left husband and son, sold my house and am living in senior housing. I'm often still not clear about how they were abusive to me. It was 'so much better than what I grew up with'. Part of me is still in shock, but the awareness that my life is better now is beginning to dawn. Moments like today make me doubt it.

Thank you for responses. It takes some of the pressure off.

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This is my first post. I have no idea if this is the correct way to begin. I have technophobic issues that are accompanying this first attempt, anxiety rising as I can't figure out how the mechanics of this site work...I keep going in circles re-reading the new members thing and not seeing how to jump in....it seems complicated, overwhelming. You get the picture.

I started this tonight because I'm feeling emotional flashback and abandonment stuff.
My 65th birthday was this weekend. I dreamt I was flying last night and haven't done that in years.

I developed CPTSD in childhood. Was abusively parented by a psychopath (F) and a narcissist (M).
I have done a great deal of recovery work but am still finding it difficult to make friends. I feel most painfully isolated and the old loneliness is up today.

I have a therapist who has helped me immensely over the past eight years. I just walked for an hour and went swimming in a beautiful lake.

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