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Thanks Blueberry

My trauma started in my mom's womb. She tried to kill herself (talk about abandonment issues!).  My dad was a textbook narcissist with a big temper. I grew up in a state of constant fight/flight.  My mom's boyfriend sexually abused me – not horribly – not rape, thank god, but still.... And I have vague memories of my dad and grandpa doing things that were not egregious, but also were not ok – bottom line, I have a lot of trust/safety issues around men. I became an A-type overachiever with anorexia. Straight As, all honors, always done well at work and people think I have my life together. They are constantly coming to me for advice. It's ironic.  Nobody, except my kids and my therapist, has any idea what's actually going on inside of me. They ask me how I am and I just say "I'm fine".

As a result of all the puzzle pieces of my life, I have various medical issues, and I am confused about which thing to treat/tackle. If I take meds for the anxiety, I gain weight, which interacts with my eating disorder, + I have an autoimmune disease (hashimoto's), etc. I could go on.

Happy to be part of a group of people that can hopefully relate....