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That is wonderful and encouraging to hear! 

I appreciate you sharing and wanted to share you are not alone in this. I have been having a significant increase in flashbacks of all kinds lately. It is so difficult because they feel alienating. It doesn't feel like I can just talk to friends or even my husband about flashbacks. I also have some flashbacks that at times don't even have a visual at the time. It is like my body is triggered back to the original feelings and it is terrifying and hard to describe to people who haven't experienced that.

Elphanigh, Thank you for sharing this and you are definitely not alone. I have very little memories from childhood until middle school. In 2017-2018 I began having fragmented memories of very early SA by a person/family member that was supposed to take care of me. It was completely overwhelming and a feeling that words really can't describe. I wanted to deny it and also still struggle with fear that I am wrong... my brain is making something up... BUT what helps me stay honest with myself and validate myself is the feeling when I started remembering and the fact that it made many more things in my life make sense. It was like  the missing piece of the puzzle.

It helps to talk about it with safe people and a therapist you feel safe with. 

Hello and welcome, LKC!

he said that I "am being too much right now."

You are not too much. What happened to you was too much. The pain you've been thru was too much. The lack of understanding you've received has been too much. The support you've received has been too little.

You are not alone here. Your feelings are understood here. We share your issues.

You are to be commended for holding on.


I wonder, do you think you may be experiencing an emotional flashback? Here's some info on that from Pete Walker - http://pete-walker.com/flashbackManagement.htm It's long but essential info, and there are steps at the bottom to follow to help.

Thanks for joining, and for sharing! We value your input. 


THANK YOU SO MUCH! I will look into that article.

Thank you everyone for you kind words and support! I also appreciate hearing how others can relate. I had told myself that no one was going to respond to me so I was pleasantly surprised when I saw all of the responses. Things have still been really difficult these past few days.

I actually do think EMDR is going to be very healing for me.. just extremely emotional and draining. Well, I hope at least. I know I have to take it slow to keep myself from spiraling and also be able to at least somewhat function in day to day life. It was just disheartening to have him question my trauma therapy so quickly. It took me so long to think there was even the hope that it requires to attempt working through my trauma. I was just convinced that I would not make it past 25 so why bother. I am not in that place anymore and I need him to believe in my healing too It is HARD to hold on to that hope. and I don't have even that on a daily basis. When we were in crisis mode he mentioned marriage counseling but things didn't work out logistically and then by the time they did he wasn't willing to go anymore. The thing that adds an extra layer to all of this is that I am almost certain he also has CPSTD but is not yet in a place to see that. I think he often has his own trauma reactions and I have empathy for him in that. It just still hurts

I have EMDR again tomorrow. Wish me luck!

I can so relate to this! You are not alone. I have struggled with grief in many ways surrounding my CPTSD and healing journey. As much as I want healing, I am also terrified of it. I sometimes wish I could use old ways of coping (eating disorder, self-harm, etc) too because I think I grieve having those things to cope... even if they were actually really hurting me. So many things to grieve  throughout this process.

I am new to the fourm and this is my first post... I feel completely alone and don't know what to do anymore.

I have been on the journey of trauma therapy for a while now and started EMDR last fall. It did not go well and I ended up majorly suicidal and was hospitalized. I have been getting stronger and better since that time but this week has felt like a huge setback. My therapist and I have spent months preparing my grounding/resourcing skills so that I would be more prepared for EMDR to target my CPTSD traumas. The session was incredibly difficult, intense, and emotional. It felt like progress though. BUT now I feel like I am crawling out of my skin. I feel self-destructive but have been able to not act on any behaviors. Does anyone else feel like this after EMDR or other trauma therapy? I have tried confiding in my husband and feel like I am just a huge burden for him. He doesn't seem to believe in me or that EMDR is worth it because I have been "emotional this week." I also shared that I feared "being too much for him and everyone" and he said that I "am being too much right now." I am so hurt but I guess he is right?? I am always terrified to really be myself and share with others out of fear of being too much and a burden and last night I feel like he confirmed that I am. Any support and ways others may relate would be helpful. Thanks for reading!