Messages

  you are so brave!  I hope you stay and continue writing here.

Hello Oxygen!   Good to meet you! 
I finished Pete Walker's book a week ago, and also recommend it.  I also recommend reading a lot of the threads on this board, and really diversifying in your practice to build self-esteem.
I had a decade long relationship with a narcissistic sociopath, so kinda like you.   It's been over for five years since that ended, but I still have awful nightmares, emotional flashbacks, and have to talk through what happened to me with my safe person.   I'm glad you are here, and I hope you find some answers. 

Hi morningdove. 

Thank you VeryFoggy, good advice!  My therapists before this understanding also treated only symptoms or were too "blank screen approach" to actually help.   I'm hopful that my own personal work through reading the book in combination with being choosy will net some new results.   I kinda feel so empowered that I could totally do this without a therapist, but knowing the tricky nature of the inner critic I'm thinking maybe I should set up a safety net to outsmart myself this time...    plus it would be a great exercise for the trust issues!

DaisyMae, yes, I'm playing with the same deck.  For me, it was my father who was the NPD.  I've had to realize what a great enabler my mother is as well,  and honestly it feels like another betrayal.   I've been on low contact for two years now.   I'd really like to move to no contact,  but I'm terrified of the confrontation.   I'm convinced my older brother has a strong case of c-ptsd as well, but is now showing signs of NPD.  So I'm kinda feeling like an orphan in the world.   It's an honest hurt this time- perhaps this time it can heal cleaner than when there was no understanding.   My codependent training and experiences through childhood set me up for some tragic experiences later, chiefly meeting and marrying a socialized psychopath, to whom I gave a decade of my life.  I have to admit, I'm thankful for the experience, because otherwise I wouldn't have gone looking to heal myself, and I wouldn't be here today.

And just to end on a happy note, I'm also very motivated to do my best because I met a good man almost three years ago, and we are engaged to be married next fall.   It hasn't been easy to stay because I'm uncomfortable with being loved.  Everyday I wake up and intentionally choose to be brave and so far so good.   

Thank you all for your conversation, it helps to make me feel less awkward.   Maybe now I can find a place where my thoughts would be helpful here.   

Hello,  just a short post to announce I'm new here.   I'm pretty shy before I get to know my surroundings, and yes it is because of my c-ptsd.   I like reading your posts, thank you for taking the time to post comments.   I just recently finished reading Pete Walker's book about c-ptsd.  What an emotional experience!   The book is now completely tabbed and full of annotations.  What a gold mine of information!  I'm in the market for a understanding therapist in my area.   Perhaps this time therapy will be easier and more useful.   So that's it for now.   Good to meet you!  MS