Messages

Thank you salto and rainagain. My career WAS selling things on ebay, lol. Unfortunately the site is chock a block full of nasty 'buyers' who try to extort money or free items with threats. You'd think it would be easier because you are not face to face with the customer, but people are 10x nastier hiding behind their computer screens. I had a dedicated rep because our company gave them that much money and still it was not enough protection. And this was selling new items - vintage is another ball of wax. I have been considering etsy as an alternative though. I tried to sell a bunch of vintage clothing there awhile back and did not have any luck. I will look at the site you provided salto thanks  I guess the core of the problem is my need to mostly avoid other humans. Somehow lickety split I have to come up with a new work personality that keeps me from harm.

I have been unemployed for 4 years now. Been living off savings. My rent is very low or I would not be able to do this. I figured out I was abused my entire childhood by my sibling a couple of years ago and have been just giving myself time and space. I am pretty much a hermit, no friends or family are a regular part of my life. I only go out to the library or grocery shopping.

My previous career has been retail and ecommerce management, which I just ended up in but was never formally trained for. I left my last job telling them I was sick but not how.

Well a couple of days ago I got a signal that I might lose this apartment soon. And I am trying to keep an even keel. Here I would have another year or more of savings to support me. In the real world, I can't even get another apartment without proving I have income that would support a $900 a month rent or more.

Going back to retail seems like the worst thing ever. It is so very abusive and traumatizing. I was just constantly tied up in knots over it and never knew why or made the connection. So essentially my career now seems impossible for me to do. I am low on ideas how to transition into something that will pay enough. Does anybody have any ideas or been in a similar situation and found a way? I guess I just need to vent / feel less alone / get ideas on first steps here after a long confinement. Being forced into the world again seems very scary.

Thank you for your kind, insightful, warm and welcoming words Woodsgnome and Threeroses. Yes I am glad this is anonymous. I daily become more free in regards to my own thought and action away from what others think or what I have been programmed to think of myself. But to somehow build (yet another) life, to figure out what I want from it and who is safe to let into it, to change my patterns, seems insurmountable sometimes. I sure could use an ear or two and some gentle guidance from those who have walked where I am going.

Hello everyone!

Thank you for having me on the forum. I'm really happy to find something like this. I am on another group but have trouble feeling safe speaking openly there.

I am 46 and within the past couple of years woke up to the fact that I was physically abused by my sibling throughout my entire childhood. I am not in therapy though I have had alot of it prior to figuring this out. Somehow not a single one of my therapists ever focused on my abuse history or thought to clue me into why I am...how I am. Nobody else called it abuse and I was ridiculed and blamed for my abuse by my family so I myself never thought of it as abuse. Child abuse was something terrible that happened to other people. So life has pretty much been a long succession of traumas and living in suvivor mode going from one bad situation to the next. I was even in a domestic abuse relationship for 3 years and never connected the dots. Anyway I am figuring this all out now. For the past year scenes from my entire life played out all over again in my head, only this time with the knowledge of WHY things were the way the were. I became concious of being a magnet for abuse and suddenly saw it all around me everywhere. The simplest interactions. Things have clamed down a bit now. I want to move forward in my recovery and beyond my abuse.

Thanks for reading, I am looking forward to talking to you all and hopefully gleaning some of what others have learned along the way.