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A GP I had never met said to just stop taking it and maybe come back in a few weeks to see if anything else could be done for me. Couldn't have shown less concern. It was horrendous but was actually a breakthrough moment for me.

I realised that the NHS has nothing to offer me other than drugs. After twenty years of treatment, and this awful experience, I cannot see that these will work after so long. The complete lack of care and concern, or even minimal understanding, has left me with the belief that I was looking for help from the wrong people.

Wow - this is exactly how I feel. I understand that they're overworked and underfunded, but there are real people on the other end of the phone just trying to make their lives work. You and I aren't trying to make their lives difficult - why are we treated like such inconveniences?

I'm quite lucky in that Citalopram has helped me control my anxiety-related symptoms and given me a lot more room to recover, but I know I could feel better. I just want the chance to see if anything else can help more.

...it is up to us to educate not only ourselves but sometimes the health care professionals who serve us. If they don't like that, that's tough; it's our health in question, not theirs.

I'm coming armed to my next appointment with my partner, printouts on cptsd for GPs, and the book Surviving to Thriving. Here's hoping it gets into their head.

[TL;DR:]

TL;DR: I've had symptoms of depression and anxiety since the age of 11 (~2005) due to emotional abuse from my FOO. Been on medication for depression and anxiety since 2016. Sertraline made me completely numb, so I switched to Citalopram. 10mg > 20mg > 30mg > 40mg. On the max dose, realised this still wasn't right and wasn't hitting my most difficult symptoms. Doctors repeatedly refused to change it for over 9 months. Yesterday, after a 3 minute telephone appointment, my doctor tells me to stop taking Citalopram cold turkey and switch to Mirtazapine, giving 0 information about this new drug. Anger ensues.

So I arranged a phone consultation with my GP yesterday to discuss changing my medication (again). I opened up about discovering CPTSD as well, and I was spoken to like a naughty child. He completely dismissed my comment, and instead said, "Are you still using marijuana?" as if that's where I got the idea from??

I explained that I use marijuana because, as I've said to him multiple times before, my medication isn't mitigating my symptoms enough. It helps me relax if I'm triggered, makes me less hypervigilant, and helps me to sleep. He started telling me off and saying, "Well if we're going to keep giving you these medications we need to make sure you're on board". Excuse me?? You're not h@dfj$fiu% helping!!!!!

It seemed like he gave up by the end of the call and said, "Okay, just stop taking your Citalopram for 2 days and then start Mirtazapine". Nothing about the dangers of stopping antidepressants cold-turkey, what Mirtazapine is, whether it's suitable for me, how it's different to my current medication - nothing. I did some research and it shouldn't be taken if you have low blood pressure, which I very much do. It also gives 1/1000 people white blood cell die-off, which is a very high number in my opinion.

I've now tried 3 doctors in my village and all of them have been very much of the mindset that mental health just requires you to "smile more" and "do things you enjoy" and "exercise" and "just do your chores immediately instead of letting them pile up". It's so intensely obvious to me that they have no %$&*%$"^%*()) clue how these illnesses affect someone's life. My partner has decided that it's time to ditch the approach of being honest and cooperative, and instead use my GP as a means to an end. I.e., I understand my illness better than they do, and I need to utilise them as a dispensary to access the medication I need to get better.

Has anyone else been prescribed Mirtazapine?
Has anyone else dealt with incompetent doctors and felt like just completely giving up on the healthcare system?
Feeling rather demotivated by all of this 

I have!

I changed my middle and last names, as all of them related to family members I no longer wanted to be associated with. I took my paternal grandmother's maiden name, and her first name as my middle. She was very kind to me when I was growing up, and when she died in April I knew it was the right thing to do to remember her. I actually found that it prompted a lot of my extended family to reach out to me regarding my childhood, which was both validating and upsetting (why only support me now??!), but untimately I'm very happy I changed my name.

It was quite an impulse thing for me as I had never considered it 'acceptable' to estrange myself so formally, but once I'd decided to do it I finished everything in a couple of days. I used this website https://freedeedpoll.org.uk/ which generates a deed poll for you, and got my partner and a work colleague to sign it. That's all I needed to do, which was a relief. I'm still working through changing all my documents but I was very happy when I got my new driving license 

You may find this page https://freedeedpoll.org.uk/what_next helpful in working out what organisations you should contact about your new name  Best of luck!

I feel you, @LittleBirdy. Hope you're okay.

I've struggled as long as I can remember to feel my emotions, whether it's sadness or anger. I also have trouble naming what's causing me to feel bad, which sucks >.>

I'm a 23 year old woman who - from the outside - appears to have everything together. I've been with my partner for almost 4 years, we live together with our dog, and I recently got promoted to a fulfilling and stimulating job. The problem is that I feel like everyone else is in on a secret that I just can't seem to figure out. I feel isolated and like things are always on a downward slope.

I worked out my childhood wasn't 'normal' when I was about 20. My first counsellor told me, "there is no reason for anyone to raise their voice to you, ever", and honestly that blew my mind. I now realise my mother was emotionally abusive and manipulative, and likely has narcissistic personality disorder or BPD. My father stopped standing up for me when he realised it made his life easier to side with his wife. I've felt what I thought was depression since the age of 11, and a year ago my first therapist suggested I had what she called 'mild PTSD'.

It's been an unnecessarily long journey due to failures of the NHS, complete lack of support from family, and my impressive ability to suppress traumatic memories and emotions, but I stumbled across CPTSD a few weeks ago. Shortly afterwards I experienced what I now know to be an emotional flashback (that was fun!), and I'm slowly coming to terms with the idea that this is what's wrong with me.

I'm hoping that by being here I can find people who get it, and can help me work out who I am, because I have no clue