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[share a single video]

Hi all,
I decided to write my wife a letter.  I dont want to get clinical on her, but more have her consider that perhaps I am 95% wrong about what she feels but maybe 5% right that she has some elements of CPTSD and even if she tackles the 5% of stuff she might feel WAY better.

She will no doubt start researching it, as almost a way of trying to get control.  I'd like to share a single video - perhaps someone can recommend something off youtube that helped you?   It could be a great clinical video that really empathizes with someone w/ an incest survivor (or any cptsd from young) or someone who just summed up CPTSD in a positive light or described their personal experience.   

Thanks!
note: I have looked at the resources section but there is a lot there, and of course a ton on youtube  -  what helped you might be best

did someone just delete the great response left by a poster with "fury"?

it was a brilliant response and helped me a lot to learn what the other person is feeling from someone who has cptsd.

if that response is disqualified you are missing the point of what we need here.

i'm not looking for advice, but personal experiences/insights into similar situations.  if anyone has a story id like to hear it. where you had a breakthrough about yourself or a moment of acceptance

[For me, I can't take it anymore and dont see progress after a year of the psych. I think he's trying to build the relationship with her, an ellicit self-revelation eventually - but how long?]

Hi there

- my wife I believe has had CPTSD most of her life developed at around 10-12y when she was abused by her pedophile gf and maybe others
- She was always "sensitive" in many ways (sounds, distrubances, arguments, insinuations).
- for 10y I've been stepping on egg shells.  I don't even tell her that I want her to clean the  house (or whatever) because it would
trigger a conversation where she argues back that I'm a jerk.
- the signs were always there, it was always strange having her jump/gasp when I'd get into our bedroom (say I was watching tv and came into the bedroom while she was just dozing off)
- she is hypervigilant - she'll be watching me drive when I drive, she'll see a health concern all the way to the most serious issue/outcome and then react with that intensity (e.g. a kelloid on our sons face can turn into something that will make him be made fun of when he is older...if you dont buy it and say it will be fine... she will be very angry with you | obviously her reality is different).  Basically she sees real situations in their worst outcomes - almost like she is hyper aware of unlikely outcomes and acts on them.
- at any stressful situation, she gets extremely vigilant.  For example, if our kid falls walking  downt he porch staris and trips in the front, she'll say "i told you should be outside watching her" - I'll retort "she fell cause that happens, me being outside watching her is not going to change that".  and then she'll take that as  me being argumentative (ergo: I should just stay silent).  If you get frustrated and make a incredulous face she will say "you're being aggressive to their mom I  cant take it, if you want to be aggressive please just don't do it front of my kids"   Eventually I will lose my top giving her justification she needs in her position
- At this point, she feels I'm an abuser - in these little acts - any sort of directive comment is aggression

I went to see a psychologist and he was helpful in telling me "you are not her medicine".  Eventually got my wife to go for the last 11 months on the premise that we need to fix our relationship.  She is adamant that I have aggression issues and thus need help (and if I wasnt like this there would be no problems) and keep calling her crazy (I'm sure I've said that at times in frustration, or like "this is crazy").   Each appointment seems to be a rehash of discovering how she feels hopeless.  The psychologist is sort of warming up her subconscious in subtle ways like for example "each time you come things are getting calmer, you can't do work when you're inflamed - like a muscle".  The psych told me that if I was to confront her there is no way she will want to be helped - like a phobia you don't address it if you dont have to.  He also before we started coming together that effectively we have to drag to the river - meaning to her this is going to be almost like a life/death matter.

For me, I can't take it anymore and dont see progress after a year of the psych.  I think he's trying to build the relationship with her, an ellicit self-revelation eventually - but how long? Our next meeting with the psych is Dec 21st.  I constantly, like for a year, have wanted to write a warm loving letter but I just don't know how it will be received. The key points would be "she's normal but dealing with survival instincts she had to develop - she was effectively help hostage in her own home for years by a pedophile gf", 2nd point "I'm not interested in throwing the past in her face" - she doesnt want to deal with that, 3rd point "Imagine how it would feel to have a weight off your shoulder - literally she has the hardest shoulders I've ever encountered" and her entire well being could improve (has fibro symptoms).   Lastly, we have kids who are being impacted - they literally feel her reactions and get very frustrated - they can't understand her emotions.  She believes that dad is aggressive and if he wasn't everything would be rosy. I will say on the whole I am very supportive and the only reason our family sticks together is because i have NO EXPECTATIONS  - we can go weeks with clothes on the floor - but she will find time to go value shopping.  Of course, being a loving person she is very dedicated to the kids and puts 100% effort there.

What do you guys think?   Should I tell her the truth in a letter and eschew the advice of the psych   One of these time's I'm just going to blurt out "you have CPTSD and I want you to get help" which WILL DEFINITELY NOT be the best approach.