Messages

I've moved this from the introduction page to here as I have a few questions and they fit better here.

So I'm about to start a 2 pronged approach to therapy, part 1 starts on Wednesday and from reading other posts I seem to have hit the proverbial pot of gold when it comes to therapists.
Dave is someone I've know personally and professionally for 20 years, I have seen him before in 2008 when I had my first episode of severe depression and suicidal ideation. He worked with me through that episode so I know he knows the basics and I don't have to go through it all again.

This time I have a new psychiatrist who has been pivotal in the diagnosis I've just had and for once I have a psychiatrist who is not precious and willing to work with my mental health nurse, she has been very open with him and given all the relevant information, and because she wants me to see a trauma psychologist they are all working together to do the prep work.
My current waiting list for trauma therapy is 13 months, but everyone feel I need some prep work on describing and recognising emotions and to be able to verbalise these emotions in a safe place.

This therapy will take the form of modified DBT, where I'll be working 1-1 with Dave for a 30 part therapy approach, which will take somewhere between 60 - 80  weeks to complete (fortnightly appointments) then I will work solely with the trauma psychologist and lose Dave which is a scary thought, I will then be with Eamonn for a minimum of 60 sessions spanning 1-3 years depending how I respond. Then I will have maintenance therapy for up to 5 years, I have been told this is likely to be 4-9 years depending on my response.. I am totally overwhelmed by the thought of it.

As part of the therapy prep I was advised to read the Pete Walker book, I have, I can see me in the whole book, I just have a real problem with "think positive", "do this",  "feel that" I just can't make it happen, in my head the feelings are flat, emotionless, I can talk about the most horrific abuse I had without flinching, I can talk to the man who abused me without crying, wanting to do anything, it just doesn't impact on me.

I can't tell when I'm winding up, or if I'm about to self sabotage, I can't tell if I'm happy, I'm not sure what happy is, I don't now how to describe how I feel about the abuse, or the abuser, I don't know what I'm supposed to feel when I talk to my mum or about my dad. I can't even tell you honestly that I love my husband and children, I'm not sure that what I feel is love.

The first questions: How in heavens name an I supposed to start a form of counselling that wants me to do emotions, when I don't have an internal barometer for right/wrong/good/bad emotional responses?

The next: Does anyone have help about how DBT works and what I'm likely to cover in the sessions

Thanks
Poppy

Thank you for the information, I appreciate the response,
I've spoken to my MHN nurse again today, I'm very grateful he's open to me and I can contact him by email when I need to.
I explained that I was a bit shaken by the diagnosis this week although I was beginning to suspect that's where they were going.
I think I'm one of the lucky ones who has a solid psychiatrist (G) who listens to me and recognises that even though I have these problems I am a professional colleague and works hard for me, I have a fantastic MHN (D) who I've known both professionally and personally for 19 years, and I now have a psychologist (E) who is happy to work with my MHN to plan for the intensive care I've been referred for but has a waiting list of 16 months.
We chatted about the dual diagnosis and D said that I have been diagnosed with emotional recognition disorder which will be the "new name" for BPD in the future but is not formally recognised yet, he's going to spend the next year doing emotional recognition DBT as prep work for the CPTSD treatment next year, we are going to look at mindfulness, Understanding and recognising emotions, Reduce emotional vulnerability and Decrease emotional suffering, which I think is common for DBT, but D and E feel I need to start with to prepare for next year.
The hardest thing is realising this is it for now and I have no option but to do it and do it right otherwise the consequences will be devastating for my family. 
It's just so hard and tiring and trying to maintain a front at work, I have a dual role as a nurse and uni lecturer and I'm currently at uni full time due to the fact my psych and occupational health Dr feels I wouldn't be safe on the ward at the minute due to my MH,
I'm sick of being scared, tired and sad

so next question, What are your coping strategies for those times you feel really down?

Hi,
I'm 42 and have just finally had a diagnosis of CPTSD, after my psychiatrist didn't want to label me initially, I've also in addition been diagnosed BPD on the high functioning scale and I'm just about to start ERDBT with a MHN, there are a lot of scary initials in this diagnosis and I'm struggling with the fallout of the diagnosis.
Historically I seem to be typical for both conditions, sexually abused by a step brother (A)from 8-14, emotionally abused by a mother who didn't want to believe "her son" would do that and that "it doesn't matter what he done he'll always be my son" doesn't seem to realise that I'm her daughter..
My dad was always me and you against mum and the boys ( I had a younger brother) lots of family trauma, fights and arguments but he always pushed me to be better, education, work hard and you'll achieve anything.
Finally broke down at 36 when Dad died and I told my mum everything I suspected and about what had happened with A, and she told me that she knew what had happened and that I was right when I said I suspected dad had abused A, I was sure I'd witnessed it but couldn't really remember if it was a reality or a dream.
She told me the man I looked up to and worked so hard to prove I was the best was a paedophile who liked boys, and had abused A for 3 years. Dad confessed to her what he'd done after the night I caught him, it was real.. She decided to stay in the family as she didn't want to be a single mum with 3 kids, she didn't go to the police or anything, she knew A was abusing me and I wasn't the only one, and she still did nothing because she didn't want it to "shame us" while we were growing up, which meant A was free to continue to abuse me for 3 more years, culminating in bringing a friend home from the army and allowing him to have sex with me.
Struggling now with crap emotional problems which are impacting on my work and may have just lost me a new job, I finally broke down with my MHN and told him everything today
He told me what to expect in therapy for the next 12 months I'm seeing him on a fortnightly basis ( 30 sessions altogether) and then I'm going for further intensive therapy with a view to long term care after that. They are talking about years of therapy.

So first question, is it common to have BPD with CPTSD or are they separate conditions that require different therapies.