Thank you, everyone! I have such high hopes!
--Essie
--Essie
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#2
Please Introduce Yourself Here / New here. Hi!
April 19, 2020, 04:35:12 PM
Hi,
I'm glad to have found you all as I hope this will be a good home for me. I've been in therapy off and on since I was 32. I am now 71. Originally diagnosed with Uni-polar Depression and then with Bi-Polar Disorder, I've had 17 therapists and been on every med of every class, including Lithium. Nothing worked. The last drug tried was IV Ketamine. I raised a family while sick from meds for those wrong diagnoses and I got good at hiding my misery. By 2006 I was an inpatient for a suicide attempt . At age 70, I was taken off all meds, and diagnosed with C-PTSD. Grief and anger followed at time lost, prospects lost, and health lost. Because I was labeled as 'sick' by doctors, my credibility and reputation were destroyed. I won't return to a therapist. I want to be able to think for myself and not make decisions only after asking my husband or therapist first.
My mother was 16 when I was born and never lived with my father. They were divorced when I was a baby, and she ran away and took me on the road. We lived in a series of rented rooms, apartments and trailer courts, alone, or with various relatives, some abusive, all alcoholics. I've moved 34 times, 15 times before I was five, sometimes in the middle of the night with drunkenness and screaming attendant. I was molested by three strangers before the age 9. My mother remarried when I was 5. She had Borderline Personality Disorder and fear was the order of the day. She started threatening my life when I was about eight, and continued to do so periodically for unidentifiable infractions until she died five years ago. She drove a wedge between me and my siblings and they all believed that snark and mean-spirited interaction was not only fine, it was funny. My step-father was emotionally distant. My biological father rejected me and by the time I was 16, my house had burned down, I had lost everything again, and I'd been in a flood.
I've taken the abuse that anyone wanted to mete out. I married a man who has children with his ex-wife. She hated me and made the kids hate me and their mistreatment of me was ongoing. Because I have the freeze response, I never stick up for myself, which makes me feel weak and horrible. Since my husband had to travel for work, he couldn't always be present to protect me, so I went through a lot even after we got married. But I've been very lucky in one way: I chose well with my husband and we've been married 50 years. He is supportive, patient, kind and protective. I have one great son, who is also kind and a strong person and two sweet grandchildren.
So that's mostly it. My doubts about my self-worth and my seemingly irrational reactions are firmly entrenched. I'm hoping to change all that.
--Essie
I'm glad to have found you all as I hope this will be a good home for me. I've been in therapy off and on since I was 32. I am now 71. Originally diagnosed with Uni-polar Depression and then with Bi-Polar Disorder, I've had 17 therapists and been on every med of every class, including Lithium. Nothing worked. The last drug tried was IV Ketamine. I raised a family while sick from meds for those wrong diagnoses and I got good at hiding my misery. By 2006 I was an inpatient for a suicide attempt . At age 70, I was taken off all meds, and diagnosed with C-PTSD. Grief and anger followed at time lost, prospects lost, and health lost. Because I was labeled as 'sick' by doctors, my credibility and reputation were destroyed. I won't return to a therapist. I want to be able to think for myself and not make decisions only after asking my husband or therapist first.
My mother was 16 when I was born and never lived with my father. They were divorced when I was a baby, and she ran away and took me on the road. We lived in a series of rented rooms, apartments and trailer courts, alone, or with various relatives, some abusive, all alcoholics. I've moved 34 times, 15 times before I was five, sometimes in the middle of the night with drunkenness and screaming attendant. I was molested by three strangers before the age 9. My mother remarried when I was 5. She had Borderline Personality Disorder and fear was the order of the day. She started threatening my life when I was about eight, and continued to do so periodically for unidentifiable infractions until she died five years ago. She drove a wedge between me and my siblings and they all believed that snark and mean-spirited interaction was not only fine, it was funny. My step-father was emotionally distant. My biological father rejected me and by the time I was 16, my house had burned down, I had lost everything again, and I'd been in a flood.
I've taken the abuse that anyone wanted to mete out. I married a man who has children with his ex-wife. She hated me and made the kids hate me and their mistreatment of me was ongoing. Because I have the freeze response, I never stick up for myself, which makes me feel weak and horrible. Since my husband had to travel for work, he couldn't always be present to protect me, so I went through a lot even after we got married. But I've been very lucky in one way: I chose well with my husband and we've been married 50 years. He is supportive, patient, kind and protective. I have one great son, who is also kind and a strong person and two sweet grandchildren.
So that's mostly it. My doubts about my self-worth and my seemingly irrational reactions are firmly entrenched. I'm hoping to change all that.
--Essie
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