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I'm not sure whether this is a strange thought but I'm wondering if anyone has a strategy for actively managing an EF in the context of it impacting other family members.

There are 6 in our blended family and unfortunately 1 child is a huge trigger for me at the moment.  I am learning how to manage EF for myself but my DH is really struggling.  He is very rational and used to being able to fix problems.  In the middle of an EF his way of trying to help (talking) triggers me more and everything escalates to the point where I have to shut myself away.  He believes that if he tells me how good I am I should believe it and be able to switch off the IC when in fact it makes it worse.  He is trying so hard to be supportive and is finding it hard that what he wants to do doesn't help.

How do others manage this?  I have talked to him about working on him allowing me to retreat when I say I'm in EF and to continue to offer non verbal support but does anyone have any other suggestions? 

Thank you both.

I've been thinking about my M's reactions to my NC.  My relationship with my M is not a particularly healthy one,  Growing up I was her confidant and took on role of emotional caretaker (I have deliberately moved away from this role in the last couple of years).  She and my F separated about 15 years ago so that bit is straightforward although she doesn't like me talking about it.  My NC with siblings is more complicated.  It upsets her a lot.  On the one hand she understands why I went NC but on the other she continues to perpetuate my scapegoat role - I suspect for her that complicates her ability to be consistent in her own feelings.  She will vacillate between being supportive and getting angry with me for feeling anything.  She has told me no one wants to hear about my feelings before.  Complicated!  When my DS and DD are old enough to manage their own relationship with her I will probably go LC.

Hi

I came across this website about a year ago but have only dipped in and out of reading so far as I find it both comforting and triggering at the same time.  I have come to believe I probably have cptsd through my own reading.

This is hard to write.  I was born to a narcissistic father and enabling mother and became the scapegoat eldest child of three.  In hindsight I understand I was emotionally and physically abused within the family and sexually abused outside the family when I was very young.   I have not had contact with my father except for family funerals for about 15 years however I continue a relatively close relationship with my mother (who unknowingly perpetuates many of the disordered communications of my childhood).  I have no contact with my adult siblings and as far as I'm aware am the only child to fully understand the make up of our family.

I have had an intermittent relationship with psychotherapy for several years now but am in a place where I feel like I need to communicate with people 'like me'.  I feel grateful to have more understanding of who I am but am at times completely overwhelmed by the enormity of the effects on my life.