Hi I'm Lumpers
I'm a 47 male (on paper)
I wrote a long intro and erased it when I was very triggered at the end
It's very hard for me to trust especially in a forum with mixed genders.
I'm very well read on all matters Trauma and understand that Emotional Neglect and Abuse can be just as severe as the rest of them.
I suffer greatly from seizures, convulsions, PTSD , and severe dissociation. All are well recognized expressions of very serious childhood abuse especially CSA. aka Complex Trauma.
Disorganized Attachment, Conversion Disorder, Chronic PTSD, Dissociative Disorder, Developmental Trauma Disorder, etc all describe my current life.
I have been drinking since age ten as an effective way of coping with what began starting at 9 months old. I had to stop a few years ago due to far too many black outs. I black out sober now.
I have gone to great lengths to try and even be assessed for all these crippling symptoms that now have me on SSD and has been a futile waste of time and usually left me worse off due to lack of trauma informed education on the behalf of the "Experts". I am beyond wits end.
Having read up so much on Attachment, Childhood Sexual, Physical, Emotional, Psychological Abuse, Dissociative Disorders, the Developmental adaptations a small child's brain grows in response to these conditions as well as the bounty of seemingly random somatic expressions and learning disabilities too, I suppose it's a wonder I wasn't crippled with these seizures or died of liver failure years earlier.
Interpersonal relationships and the compulsion to repeat the trauma...always and throw in "Emotional Dis-regulation" of course. Constant PTSD Flash backs that grow by the day and send me down the catatonic rabbit hole drooling into nothingness while trying to cross a busy street or shopping...is par for the course.
The "Good Ole Days" of just Toxic Shame, self hatred, Helplessness, Hopelessness, Rage, an Emotional Wreck, and struggling to just function well enough at work seem trivial to me now.
How far does a person have to go to even get an assessment, to get Diagnosed so that one can begin to find someone experienced in the worst forms of Complex Trauma?
I'm a 47 male (on paper)
I wrote a long intro and erased it when I was very triggered at the end
It's very hard for me to trust especially in a forum with mixed genders.
I'm very well read on all matters Trauma and understand that Emotional Neglect and Abuse can be just as severe as the rest of them.
I suffer greatly from seizures, convulsions, PTSD , and severe dissociation. All are well recognized expressions of very serious childhood abuse especially CSA. aka Complex Trauma.
Disorganized Attachment, Conversion Disorder, Chronic PTSD, Dissociative Disorder, Developmental Trauma Disorder, etc all describe my current life.
I have been drinking since age ten as an effective way of coping with what began starting at 9 months old. I had to stop a few years ago due to far too many black outs. I black out sober now.
I have gone to great lengths to try and even be assessed for all these crippling symptoms that now have me on SSD and has been a futile waste of time and usually left me worse off due to lack of trauma informed education on the behalf of the "Experts". I am beyond wits end.
Having read up so much on Attachment, Childhood Sexual, Physical, Emotional, Psychological Abuse, Dissociative Disorders, the Developmental adaptations a small child's brain grows in response to these conditions as well as the bounty of seemingly random somatic expressions and learning disabilities too, I suppose it's a wonder I wasn't crippled with these seizures or died of liver failure years earlier.
Interpersonal relationships and the compulsion to repeat the trauma...always and throw in "Emotional Dis-regulation" of course. Constant PTSD Flash backs that grow by the day and send me down the catatonic rabbit hole drooling into nothingness while trying to cross a busy street or shopping...is par for the course.
The "Good Ole Days" of just Toxic Shame, self hatred, Helplessness, Hopelessness, Rage, an Emotional Wreck, and struggling to just function well enough at work seem trivial to me now.
How far does a person have to go to even get an assessment, to get Diagnosed so that one can begin to find someone experienced in the worst forms of Complex Trauma?