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Maybe just keep reading and posting TreadingCarefully until you do know    There's more info about symptoms here http://www.outofthestorm.website/symptoms/ and causes here - http://www.outofthestorm.website/causes/.

Hi Kizzie, thanks for that info. I have been confused about the definitions I have read here and in Pete's book.

Symptoms Shared by Complex PTSD and PTSD
  RE –Re-experiencing the trauma in the present (visual/emotional flashbacks; nightmares)
  AV – Avoidance of traumatic reminders (thoughts, people, places, things)
  SOT – Persistent sense of threat (hypervigilant, increased arousal, startle response

I am confused about those. I thought I knew what those were. But now I'm not sure. For example, I used to think hypervigilance was exclusively a fear of a physical threat, such as a fear that a person may physically attack. But I do not have a fear of a physical attack. How else might hypervigilance be defined?

AD – Affective dysregulation (heightened/flattened anger, sadness, joy)
NSC – Negative self-concept (shame, critical of self/others; feeling inferior)
DR – Disturbed relationships (isolated; feeling different that others; social anxiety)

I have all of the above three. And regarding the difference between BPD and CPTSD, I do not have BPD.

Regarding causes, I read those, but they confuse me as well. I don't know what constitutes "neglect" or "abandonment." I think my parents had the best intentions (mostly), but due to their imposed extreme isolation and rigidity, the unintended effect was that I felt extremely helpless, hopeless, confused frustrated and shamed during all of my childhood and teen years (and into adulthood) Does that constitute abandonment or neglect? I don't know--it seems too harsh to say that. I don't know what to make of it all.

No one explained or gave examples to you of them, were your parents from a different area or culture? Or much older than other parents? Sometimes lack of friendships can occur because parents isolated themselves and you. Or childhood illness can be isolating, you miss being with peers.

Just a few ideas, based on your questions and without any background information.

I am hypervigilant because I was bullied throughout school and beyond and because home was unpredictable, scary.
My mother was great at distancing herself from other people, 'not our sort of people' not suitable, common, whatever. Her own fear & judgements.

Have a look around, see what you identify with in this forum. Think back to your childhood.
There is no judgement here.

Gromit, thank you for replying. Your story about your mother sounds very similar to mine. My family was extremely judgmental; had rigid beliefs/opinions, and anyone who disagreed was wrong. No room to develop my own independent thoughts/beliefs until I became an adult. One time at a very young age I asked an honest question that challenged one of her core beliefs and she shamed me for it; I never did that again.

And yes they were extremely isolating. When I was very young we moved to an area with a different culture in which we did not fit in; we lived in a bubble and none of us made friends.

I find myself identifying with a lot of things here on this forum, but I don't know if that means I have cptsd.

Hi, I am new here, and I am reading a book about CPTSD because a loved-one has it, but I was surprised to find a lot of myself in the book, so I'm trying to find out if I have CPTSD and if so, where it came from, and what it all means.

What does it mean to always have some background anxiety and to be unable to completely relax with anyone, even your significant other?  Here's an example: when me and my significant other are gazing lovingly into each other's eyes, this causes my anxiety to increase until I find a way to do something else, like, switch from gazing to hugging or holding hands.

If I view all people as unsafe and threatening, what does that mean? Specifically, I am afraid of revealing anything about myself because I am afraid they will judge me and invalidate me and use my words against me. I even have this fear about this web forum.

What does it mean to always feel a medium amount of anxiety when in public and when meeting people?

What does it mean to have never had a real friend in one's entire life, to have given up on trying to make friends long ago, and to have decided that no one is safe and that one's only recourse is a life of isolation with the exception of a significant other?

What does it mean to have no idea of others' expectations of me, or of what is and is not acceptable to say or do? What does it mean to be completely oblivious to unspoken social rules?

What does it mean if every time a negative social situation develops (conflict etc), I feel a black cloud of doom and anxiety level turned up to max, and panic attacks that last for days, and I have absolutely no idea how to resolve it or who's at fault or why it happened or what to do?