I hope things go well with your brother blues cruise, and I understand the minefield you're entering. Please take care of yourself, although it sounds like you have a lot of self-awareness.
When I was diagnosed with C-PTSD in late 2013 at age 49, I tried to explain the situation to my older brother. He's essentially a kind person, yet he dislikes conflict of any kind, and he is exceedingly passive. He's also intensely loyal to our mother. She passed away two years before my diagnosis in late 2011, and due to her narcissism, emotional neglect, and her disturbing handling of a troubling situation with my uncle (her elder brother), her death was a bit of a relief. When I tried to explain my complicated feelings, my brother felt that I needed to forget about things and move forward. When I told him that processing my grief was essential to moving forward, he acted like he understood, yet the conversation would be forgotten within weeks. The situation would arise again and again, and while I tried to soften my language surrounding our mother, it always offended him greatly. He wanted to preserve a falsely positive memory of our mother to help him cope, yet his messy personal life, dire financial situation, and job struggles all revealed a man who was barely coping. All of his anger was aimed at my father, also now deceased, and myself. To others he seems sweet and agreeable, yet I saw the anger boiling under the surface when his road rage surfaced, or when he went on reckless spending sprees despite having declared bankruptcy twice.
Over the past decade I've gently (and not-so) encouraged him to seek counseling, have gone to credit counseling sessions with him, and have tried to be supportive. After the death of my father in December of 2016, who like my mother was an extremely controlling narcissist who constantly belittled and criticized both of us, he has directed his considerable anger at me. We had a poor relationship when we were teenagers, which was mostly my fault, as our parents encouraged and delighted in my teasing of him. I should have known better, and have apologized repeatedly, yet my brother is still resentful of things that happened more than three decades ago. We have spent the past 16 months dealing with our father's estate, and we clash constantly. He is still passive with other people, yet with me he alternates between being loving and lashing out with bitter anger. It's exhausting to deal with him.
My apologies for being so lengthy, yet my first post has uncovered a deep chasm of hurt and anger. Wishing everyone on this site peaceful relationships with their siblings, yet I've accepted that my brother and I will always struggle to get along. Taking a break from him seems like an appealing option.
When I was diagnosed with C-PTSD in late 2013 at age 49, I tried to explain the situation to my older brother. He's essentially a kind person, yet he dislikes conflict of any kind, and he is exceedingly passive. He's also intensely loyal to our mother. She passed away two years before my diagnosis in late 2011, and due to her narcissism, emotional neglect, and her disturbing handling of a troubling situation with my uncle (her elder brother), her death was a bit of a relief. When I tried to explain my complicated feelings, my brother felt that I needed to forget about things and move forward. When I told him that processing my grief was essential to moving forward, he acted like he understood, yet the conversation would be forgotten within weeks. The situation would arise again and again, and while I tried to soften my language surrounding our mother, it always offended him greatly. He wanted to preserve a falsely positive memory of our mother to help him cope, yet his messy personal life, dire financial situation, and job struggles all revealed a man who was barely coping. All of his anger was aimed at my father, also now deceased, and myself. To others he seems sweet and agreeable, yet I saw the anger boiling under the surface when his road rage surfaced, or when he went on reckless spending sprees despite having declared bankruptcy twice.
Over the past decade I've gently (and not-so) encouraged him to seek counseling, have gone to credit counseling sessions with him, and have tried to be supportive. After the death of my father in December of 2016, who like my mother was an extremely controlling narcissist who constantly belittled and criticized both of us, he has directed his considerable anger at me. We had a poor relationship when we were teenagers, which was mostly my fault, as our parents encouraged and delighted in my teasing of him. I should have known better, and have apologized repeatedly, yet my brother is still resentful of things that happened more than three decades ago. We have spent the past 16 months dealing with our father's estate, and we clash constantly. He is still passive with other people, yet with me he alternates between being loving and lashing out with bitter anger. It's exhausting to deal with him.
My apologies for being so lengthy, yet my first post has uncovered a deep chasm of hurt and anger. Wishing everyone on this site peaceful relationships with their siblings, yet I've accepted that my brother and I will always struggle to get along. Taking a break from him seems like an appealing option.