Yesterday I was triggered by my relationship. Regularly, it is very hard for me to tease out what is old baggage and what is present-day baggage. Mistrust and fear of abandonment are two big issues for me. I feel scared that through a combination of an emotionally abusive childhood and events in my adult life, I will never be able to trust or feel safe in an intimate relationship. I feel scared today that I will never have a normal life, nor that I can be functional at work or in relationship because of trust issues and very low self esteem. I have addressed these issues in Adult Children of Alcoholic Groups, Talk therapy and general group therapy. I just pray that one day I will have a sane intimate relationship with a partner. I have a hard time picking people whom can validate my feelings and that I can talk to about my C-PTSD because they are not as far along in their own recovery. Today I feel like isolating so badly. I went into shame and depression flashbacks and then the inner critic kicked in. Really, I just want a loving, validating relationship with a partner that can I talk through conflict instead of yell at me when I am flashing back. 