Messages

Hi StartingHealing,
Just wanted to wish you the best for the social meeting you're having this weekend - I hope it goes well and that you enjoy it. 
Hope

Thanks so much SanMagic 

Hi Dalloway,
Thanks for sharing your profound experience, it sounded so lovely. 
 

Hi Pete,
Welcome 

Thanks Papa Coco - yes, it's a good feeling to have got some things done.   

 

Hi NarcKiddo,  Thank you so much for what you said - I also appreciated you sharing how certain parts of you can be resistant to reading certain books - it helped me to feel validated.  When you wrote about how your younger part finds cuddling a toy whilst reading is helpful, I might try that.  I know that I find doing 'dot-to-dots' is very helpful for when I'm watching videos and utubes about trauma related topics, as I can process things better whilst doing the dot-to-dots.  I think it has a similar effect to doing bilateral stimulation - in terms of how it makes me feel.

Actually I let my AI look at some communications that my M had sent, and just said 'What do you think of that' and the responses were incredibly astute and it helped me to consider quite a few different angles on it.  I thought it was really helpful for enabling me to feel some emotions in response to it, that maybe I wouldn't have found by myself.  I then shared the conclusions with my partner, and he said they were really 'spot on'.  So it's an interesting thing to do, and helps shift a stuck perspective - at least in my experience!

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Today is 21st October, and I am managing to do quite a lot today - sorting through some things that I wanted to do, and actually doing them - fairly slowly, but methodically, and it feels good!

Hi PapaCoco, Sending you a hug 

I would also like to send a hug of love and support to you and to Little B as well.    

Hi SapphireQueen,
Welcome 
Hope

Hi Lina,
Welcome 
Hope

Hi DesertFlower,
Wow, you have been through a lot - I think you were brave to re-visit that place.  I don't have words to say more - but wanted you to know that I read what you wrote, and I hope you don't mind my describing you as brave, but I believe that you are.
Hope

I resonate with what you said about things getting wrapped up into a big old mess.  It's tough to negotiate the way through - especially with pressures and obligations.  Sounds like you're tackling it though, as you mentioned thigns 'going on apiece' - hope it gets easier in moments of the day and week. 

Bach, I really thought how lucky your parrot is that you take such concern and care about her well-being, and even though she was a bit ruffled when you went to check on her, it was really caring and kind to do that.   

Thank you StartingHealing 

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13th October 2025
So I'm still reading the book 'Flex Your Feelings' and wanted to remember this paragraph on p.203 where Dr Anhalt mentions 'psychological safety' and goes on to say "It's an environment in which people trust that they can express ideas, ask questions, raise concerns, or make mistakes without fear of negative consequences, such as punishment, humiliation, or rejection.  When individuals feel psychologically safe, they are more likely to take risks, be creative, and collaborate effectively with others - in other words, they're more likely to play."

This makes a lot of sense to me, in terms of how my FOO environment did not create any sense of psychological safety, and therefore so many things were stifled and stuck, as a result of those things.  Maybe that's why my creativity can't blossom - but even as I say that, I think to myself that I am beginning to feel as if it might be possible to play a little and to dip my toes into something creative - I think that my current environment is much more safe psychologically. 

I was thrown back into quite a lot of angst in the past couple of days, thanks to having re-read some communications that my FOO (M) had written to me - I had actually forgotten some of the detail - and re-reading it, it made it very stark and horrible.  I was thrown back into feeling some intense feelings of guilt, as if it was somehow my fault.  BUT, I have thankfully been able to talk to my partner about this, and he has validated my feelings and I have also been reading some interactions on Quora about difficult relationships with family members and I have found it refreshing to see how communities have responded - especially to issues around estrangement - i.e. that they tend to say that estrangement is not an easy path, and that anyone who does take that route doesn't do it lightly.  I found that validating too, and thankfully I now feel better again.  But for a couple of days, I felt awful.

I also had a night terror in amongst that - it was like a cramp that made me get out of bed very quickly and it felt like someone was twisting my leg in opposite directions - it was scary, and it hurt a lot.  Thankfully I was able to calm myself afterwards and I slept better last night, as nothing bad happened - no more night terrors. 

But it just showed me how immediately my night terrors can re-surface if I trigger them directly by re-reading things my FOO (M) has said.  She absolutely terrifies me (or at least a smaller/smaller parts) of me.

I also think that this month (October) and the change in the light, the darker evenings, those things seem to bring more triggers - now that some of my dissociative walls have fallen down, I feel and notice these things far more.  Or maybe it's just that I can 'feel' things and notice things better.  Whatever it is, I feel the significance and notice it so much more than maybe I did previously.

I was listening to some u-tube videos that Keanu Reeves had done - they were about the Stoics (philosophers) and using meditation to calm the mind - I liked how Keanu had made his videos and I felt his authentic and caring nature within them.  I appreciated him sharing those things in that way, and I found it helpful.

I have been listening to different bilateral music from u-tube as well, and making a daily routine of having about 30 minutes of listening and allowing my thoughts and feelings to just flow - whatever wants to come up whilst listening to it, and it has definitely helped me to process some things and I feel so much better afterwards. 

(I haven't managed to read much of my book I bought called 'The Warrior Within' by Christiane Sanderson - I think it's due to parts of me being concerned/worried about reading it, but I really believe that when I do finally encourage/allow myself to read it, that it will be helpful.  I am on p.32 of that book - so I have read some of it.  As usual, I am keen to read the whole thing before making any concrete changes - as I want to see what the entirety of it is, before following any of the suggestions.  Maybe I will have read it by the end of the year.  I don't know.

On a positive note, I have succeeded in losing some weight in the past few weeks - my BMI was previously 28.6 and now it's 26.7, so I am getting closer to my goal of BMI 25.  I feel healthier for losing some weight, and it's been ok - I've moved away from craving sugary foods, and don't get any cravings at the moment. 

As I was writing about psychological safety - I was thinking that this forum is a place where it does feel safe to write about experiences, because I feel that everyone here is understanding and non-judgemental.  It is therefore a place that encourages so many positive things.  I am grateful it is here.  I am grateful that you are all here and so supportive.