Toast,
It sounds as if we grew up in the same trailer! I hate that you experienced such detrimental pain and anguish. As a child I only wanted to be loved and wanted. It appears as though you did as well.
What is different now is you are in control, not them. I had a difficult time learning and adopting that concept but once I did, it made all the difference. My mother refuses to apologize without placing blame, meaning it has a catch. To me, this equates a lack of apology. I have instilled in my children that when someone is truly sorry they change the harmful act, if not, it is meaningless words.
I confronted my mom regarding the countless things I endured and she admitted that she did in fact commit all of those heinous acts (and lack of acts) with no sense of remorse. It was then that I saw her in a completely different light and it made the world of difference! I literally stepped back and saw her as the toxic, sick person that she is and always has been. No longer did I feel like all that happened to me was my fault, I deserved it, or because I was not good enough. The light came on and I accepted it wasn't me like she always said it was.
Today, I have very little to do with my mother. I have set serious and strict boundaries that I will not lower regardless of the circumstances. For the longest time of my life I felt I didn't have a mother and it was crushing. I now am ok with not having a mother because she isn't the type mother I would want anyway. I look at it as her loss, not mine.
Toast, I hope you grasp that you are not alone in your story. Not only are our stories very similar, there are lots of others as well, unfortunately. I feel alone a lot, too, but being alone is better than being mistreated. I encourage you to stand up and do what is best for you and your sanity. I cannot express the difference it made for me!
You should look up what a "Toxic Mother" is and see how quickly you find your mom.
Warmly,
K9 2
It sounds as if we grew up in the same trailer! I hate that you experienced such detrimental pain and anguish. As a child I only wanted to be loved and wanted. It appears as though you did as well.
What is different now is you are in control, not them. I had a difficult time learning and adopting that concept but once I did, it made all the difference. My mother refuses to apologize without placing blame, meaning it has a catch. To me, this equates a lack of apology. I have instilled in my children that when someone is truly sorry they change the harmful act, if not, it is meaningless words.
I confronted my mom regarding the countless things I endured and she admitted that she did in fact commit all of those heinous acts (and lack of acts) with no sense of remorse. It was then that I saw her in a completely different light and it made the world of difference! I literally stepped back and saw her as the toxic, sick person that she is and always has been. No longer did I feel like all that happened to me was my fault, I deserved it, or because I was not good enough. The light came on and I accepted it wasn't me like she always said it was.
Today, I have very little to do with my mother. I have set serious and strict boundaries that I will not lower regardless of the circumstances. For the longest time of my life I felt I didn't have a mother and it was crushing. I now am ok with not having a mother because she isn't the type mother I would want anyway. I look at it as her loss, not mine.
Toast, I hope you grasp that you are not alone in your story. Not only are our stories very similar, there are lots of others as well, unfortunately. I feel alone a lot, too, but being alone is better than being mistreated. I encourage you to stand up and do what is best for you and your sanity. I cannot express the difference it made for me!
You should look up what a "Toxic Mother" is and see how quickly you find your mom.
Warmly,
K9 2
