Messages

Hi there,
Just a quick note to say that there are good people on this site. I recently posted a msg and received some lovely comments - despite my inability to properly take them on board, I felt that somehow it was a positive. I hope that you can put the time in to absorb yourself into this community, and to open yourself up to the kindness that you will no doubt receive. I will, if you allow, come back to your post and add some more, but for now please don't fret, don't worry how this will play out on here - go gentle with yourself, you are on the right track and that is what we must aim for.
With love, and heartfelt regards, John

A big thank you for the kind words, they were really needed and will help me on this telling old journey.

I was struck by the comment about looking forward to a life beyond mental health and this left me feeling a range of emotions, not least a deep sadness that this has been denied so many of us, from such a young age, and for no justifiable reason at all. Yet beyond this, I feel an energy building that will drive me beyond the darkness, and I feel the same energy in the words of others. I wish us all the very best with this, it will one day be ours!

I am off for a walk with my dog (Ollie) over the hills and fields, and I shall be thinking well of you all.

Johnboy

I have been able to spend time reading some of the posts here and feel fortunate that I am not alone, although I feel despair that other people are experiencing the same darkness that dominates my life. Recent times have been especially difficult for me but, as you will know, this is hard to discuss for one of a million reasons. However (and I am working so hard to silence all those internal forces telling me to shut down) I continue to fight, at 42 years of age, with a history of being sexually abused as a child, as a victim of prolonged bullying at school, as a person unable to cope with tragedy, trauma, failure, as a person who has fought depression, anxiety, self harm, addiction, attempts at suicide, social isolation, self hatred, shame and avoidance, as a person who has dedicated his working life caring for children who experienced similar upbringings (until fully breaking down two years ago), and as a person still capable of love, much love.

I am not really clear in my mind why I am here, but know that it feels right. I guess for now that is reason enough.

Regards from Derbyshire