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Messages - Firsttymemommy

#1
We've talked about moving, hubby has a very good job and we talked about transferring. At the time, he was all for it but he's not taken any action steps toward that and it's been 6 months. He changes the subject when I bring up. I'm thinking that he was being supportive in the beginning because he thought I'd change my mind, and now that I haven't he thinks if he takes no steps toward doing it, that it will just go away. I truly believe that the reason he doesn't want to move is because he's not ready to give up on his mom and thinks that there will be opportunity in the future to bring her back into our life. Which, gives me knots in my stomach to just type that.

I saw a therapist a few times during the storm, but not after they moved out or after my Dad passed. I thought things would get better. They have in a way, but the effects have not gotten better and some days I feel like they get worse. I just don't want to live my life with the fear of her someday waltzing back in and things being much worse than they were. I'm not sure I could survive another attack from her. My therapist said from the things that both my husband and I had told him about her, he felt like she was a classic narcissist but couldn't say for sure without seeing her.

She recently did something that endangered his Dads life to try to pull hubby back into her web. She called, he went and I had a panick attack the whole time he was gone. He came back, but he hasn't been the same and that scares me. She is a master manipulator. Most people think she is the kindest person, but they don't know the real her. She manipulates everyone around her and even strangers. And she knows she's doing it and when things don't go her way, she escalates the situation. For example.... the last Christmas I had with my Dad, we had Christmas breakfast with her at the house and planned to have Christmas dinner with my Dad. We all knew it'd be the last Christmas with him, he was very sick. She didn't want us to go, so she caused a scene at the breakfast table. She accused my 10 yr old son of trying to strangle her 2 weeks prior. Said he put his hands around her throats and she feared for her life. I knew my son wouldn't do that, it's not the type of boy he is, but hubby went off. It was a huge blow up, we were still here at the time we were supposed to be having dinner. Her comment was "Well I guess your too late to go to your Dads now, I'll cook dinner" I got things together and told hubby I was leaving with or without him. 2 days later, after hubby and I had discussed the incident calmly, he decided we should confront her, when we did, she admitted it was a lie. That is just a small example of the type of turmoil she has put me and my family through.  There wasn't a day that she lived here that she didn't attempt to minipulate us and she's still trying to manipulate hubby. He's not very good about decerning what is true and what isn't from her and I don't trust him around her to keep me and my son safe from her.
#2
Hello, I believe that I have CPTSD that has occurred in adulthood. Long story made short.... I've been married to my husband for 22 years. From day one, his Mother has been horrible. The movie Monster in law doesn't even begin to describe the torment this woman has put me through. 2 years ago, I made the horrible mistake of believing that she had changed her ways and allowed my in-laws to move in with us. They moved in and 30 days after, I found out my Dad had terminal cancer. My inlaws lived with us for a year and during that year, along with my Dad's illness, my mother in law efficiently showed she had not changed but in fact escalated her game. The lies, manipulation, gas lighting, victimizing herself, everyday was constant stress from some issue this woman created in my home. On top of the stress with dealing with my Dad's illness and eventually the loss of my Dad. My inlaws finally moved out after I reached a breaking point and it was either her or me that was leaving.

However, the effects of this extremely stressful time have certainly taken its toll on me. I've spent a year in a very deep depression. I couldn't think, focus, slept all the time, didn't clean my house for an entire year, was just going through the motions of life.  I'm trying to dig myself out of it now, but it has been hard. I've made it very clear to my husband that I do not want her around me or my child, but I still don't feel safe. I feel like she can come waltzing back in to my life at any moment and it makes me panick when I think about it. She calls him and I start feeling like I can't breathe, like I'm suffocating. I've shut everyone out of my life, I rarely leave the house and if there are crowds, I get very anxious. I want to move far away, because I feel like I can't escape her, even though she lives 2 hours away, it's too close for comfort. She's only a short drive away and sometimes I feel like she could be standing in my driveway when I pull in and it terrorizes me.

I don't know what to do or where to start. Can someone give me some advice??