I can relate to your story. The relationship I've been in for 20+ years has never been good. I started drinking years ago to block him out, to not care, to just "shut off". I went through treatment but drinking is still an issue for me. It's the buffer that allows me to deal with him I guess and (of course) that's no solution. I'm working towards divorce now that I have finally realized what he has been doing all these years. He's a narcissist and I'm a HSP and this relationship has caused me C-PTSD.
I know I need to get away from him but divorce isn't an option for another year and a half and we financially can't support separate households right now. So he lives in one area of the house and me in another but there is still way too much contact for my taste. I have been calling him on all of the crazy things he says and tries to continue to get me to believe. I see him for what he is and I'm done. I know I need to be very guarded around him. I am on constant edge, ready to jump out of my skin. It's really stressful and drinking is my only relief it seems. It's very hard to say no to relaxation and comfort when you're in such a stressful situation.
I know I need to get away from him but divorce isn't an option for another year and a half and we financially can't support separate households right now. So he lives in one area of the house and me in another but there is still way too much contact for my taste. I have been calling him on all of the crazy things he says and tries to continue to get me to believe. I see him for what he is and I'm done. I know I need to be very guarded around him. I am on constant edge, ready to jump out of my skin. It's really stressful and drinking is my only relief it seems. It's very hard to say no to relaxation and comfort when you're in such a stressful situation.