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I haven't heard of this series but will check it out. I used to watch Law&Order-Special Victims Unit and found it to be therapeutic for the same reasons you mention for watching Greenleaf. It helps to see examples of abusers being confronted and held responsible for their actions.

I'm sorry to hear that you experienced abuse and that it was glossed over by your mother in order to maintain a façade. You didn't deserve to be dehumanized for the sake of appearances. 

Thank you all for your kind words and support. 

Blackbird thank you for mentioning the link between a victim mindset and the learned helplessness. This is the reason I no longer define myself as a victim, although I acknowledge that I was a victim when I experienced abuse as a child. When I'm in an emotional flashback, I find that reminding myself that I'm an adult now and capable of taking action to protect myself and ultimately take full responsibility for my life really helps bring me back to the present.

I too believe that it is possible to overcome this. However, the more I learn about CPTSD and truly how complex it is, the more I realize what a trek it will be. Two years ago, I climbed Mt. Fuji overnight and reached the summit at sunrise. It took 8 hours to complete the climb and I can recall just how tempted I was to quit approaching the last 2 hours of the climb.  I can liken this temptation to quit right before reaching the summit to making progress in CPTSD recovery. Just when I'm about to experience a breakthrough in recovery, the temptation to quit sneaks up without fail.

Have any of you experienced this? If so, how do you persuade yourself to keep going?

Thanks in advance

Hello everyone!  This is my first time posting on this forum. Thank you in advance to all who have chosen to share their experiences living with CPTSD and offering advice to help others reaching out for help. It's encouraging and deeply touching to read.

I discovered I have CPTSD almost two years ago after I sunk into a deep depression. It was the final straw on this depression diagnosis. I realized that the clinical diagnosis I had been given of anxiety and clinical depression was simply incomplete at the very least. No matter how much progress I made in life, no matter how much I had going for me, I'd always end up back in the emotional abyss.

I'm 33 now and I have a work history with lots of gaps due to bouts of depression and other symptoms of CPTSD. I'm currently unemployed, single and living at home with my mom. This is not how imagined my life would have turned out. I'm educated, have a high IQ,attractive and generally a warm and loving person. Yet everything in my life seems to end up a disaster: relationships,jobs,etc.

I dream of having a family of my own and I'm afraid that this may not be possible given my track record and continuing CPTSD symptoms. It's discouraging and saddening to recall the causes of my CPTSD and to see how I'm still paying for the abusers transgressions. I don't want to see myself as a victim because I know it's not helpful. I just feel heartbroken as I learn the full scope of CPTSD and the impact it's had on my life.

I worry that I have so much to learn and unlearn that I won't be recovered enough in time to have a family and the kind of life I dream of. Is CPTSD a kind of prison sentence? If so, how do I break free in time to really live my life?

I appreciate your support.