Hello everybody,
I just wanted to introduce myself and maybe get some relief from sharing what I cannot share anywhere else...
Like most here, I suffer from C-PTSD. Diagnosed in my late 50s, after a million other misdiagnoses and years of therapy (first therapy was at 16 yrs old when I reached out to the school therapist begging for help)
I am the oldest of two, parents separated when I was 6yrs old. Mother NPD (I was the scapegoat), father absent, unsupportive and later on, disappeared from the scene (re-married and had two daughters while enabling his wife to drive a wall between them and us) now gone forever. Mother abusive at every single level. If you read about NPD mothers, I can check about 95% of their behavior. Neglect, gaslighting, emotional and physical abuse (the NPD way, so nobody notices)
I tried for so many years to "fix" the relationship. Hoping she would change. Therapists telling me it was my fault and that it was under my control.
Thirty years ago I moved far, far away... I was born in Buenos Aires... and I moved to the U.S. totally on my own... I had a first-cousin who let me live in his house for a few months with his wife who sexually harassed me (he did this to a lot of women) As soon as I had a few bucks, I moved away, never to see them again.
People do approach me to pick my brain (professionally - as somehow it seems that I see things they don't - I don't know, maybe they just want to get marketing advice for free) but as they do, they go away.
Never married. No family. No friends. I am realizing I am so scared that I want to control everything in a relationship (I just lost my biggest consulting client and he was triggering me big time - nothing was ever good enough, not enough hours for free - I felt like a slave)
Therapists say I present well, which is why I may have been misdiagnosed. I know I must have a lot of repressed anger (just like my levels of anxiety were so high, yet I look so cool) and I am certain I must over-react to others and this is why they leave me. I feel that nobody cares.
Is there a way out of this madness?
Sorry for bumming you out.
Big hug to all of you.
I just wanted to introduce myself and maybe get some relief from sharing what I cannot share anywhere else...
Like most here, I suffer from C-PTSD. Diagnosed in my late 50s, after a million other misdiagnoses and years of therapy (first therapy was at 16 yrs old when I reached out to the school therapist begging for help)
I am the oldest of two, parents separated when I was 6yrs old. Mother NPD (I was the scapegoat), father absent, unsupportive and later on, disappeared from the scene (re-married and had two daughters while enabling his wife to drive a wall between them and us) now gone forever. Mother abusive at every single level. If you read about NPD mothers, I can check about 95% of their behavior. Neglect, gaslighting, emotional and physical abuse (the NPD way, so nobody notices)
I tried for so many years to "fix" the relationship. Hoping she would change. Therapists telling me it was my fault and that it was under my control.
Thirty years ago I moved far, far away... I was born in Buenos Aires... and I moved to the U.S. totally on my own... I had a first-cousin who let me live in his house for a few months with his wife who sexually harassed me (he did this to a lot of women) As soon as I had a few bucks, I moved away, never to see them again.
People do approach me to pick my brain (professionally - as somehow it seems that I see things they don't - I don't know, maybe they just want to get marketing advice for free) but as they do, they go away.
Never married. No family. No friends. I am realizing I am so scared that I want to control everything in a relationship (I just lost my biggest consulting client and he was triggering me big time - nothing was ever good enough, not enough hours for free - I felt like a slave)
Therapists say I present well, which is why I may have been misdiagnosed. I know I must have a lot of repressed anger (just like my levels of anxiety were so high, yet I look so cool) and I am certain I must over-react to others and this is why they leave me. I feel that nobody cares.
Is there a way out of this madness?
Sorry for bumming you out.
Big hug to all of you.