Thank you Three Roses for your kindness.
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#2
General Discussion / Re: My story. long text *TW*
March 26, 2017, 11:19:54 PM
I'm just so confused I don't know were to start but at the beginning of my trauma which is pretty much the beginning of my life at 5 1/2. I grew up on a farm with 4 siblings, 3 brothers and a sister and both parents as I was the youngest. Sibling #1 was 10 yrs older than I then was my sister 9 yrs older. The first traumatic event was witnessing the oldest throw a hammer at my brother of 2 yrs older than me from a shed he was building because of a bad temper. The hammer bounced of of the ground striking sibling number #4 behind the ear causing profuse bleeding, ( He lived.) this happened 1968.
Same year brother number #4 and I taking a bath together submerged a lamp under the water with our faces submerged to see what light looked like under water. Parents were out and sibling #3 was home babysitting us at age 13. Needless to say we were being electrocuted the very minute our parents decided to stop by the house. Trauma #3 same year...I come down stairs one morning to find out that my mother is gone and they are getting divorced and were moving to another farm and different school. (Didn't see her for six months) and when I did she was remarried.
So we were living with our father with a short fuse. My sister was my surrogate mother. I slept in her room from crib till I was old enough to sleep in her bed with her for the lack of rooms until age six when she and four of her friends died on new years eve plowing into a train that drug them 1/2 mile until it stopped. I was left to sleep in the same bed afterwards which found me waking up screaming from shock.
I'm sorry don't mean to drag this out but the rest of my life was met with 8 different women to bond with from four to truly bonding with just to be abandoned from dad chasing them off. I've never known anything different than depression loneliness and all the other symptoms like self harm, anger
narcissistic behavior. I also suffer from dyscalculia and all of this has gone undiagnosed to this day. No one even shows any concern for validation. I have went three different times to get help throughout my life. I have a daughter in-law that is a social worker that scolded me for trying to self diagnose and a twelve step therapy councilor telling me I need to see a therapist. I have isolated myself to the point that there is no body I can talk to that will try to understand.
I just want it to end!!!!!!!!! I'm sorry.
Same year brother number #4 and I taking a bath together submerged a lamp under the water with our faces submerged to see what light looked like under water. Parents were out and sibling #3 was home babysitting us at age 13. Needless to say we were being electrocuted the very minute our parents decided to stop by the house. Trauma #3 same year...I come down stairs one morning to find out that my mother is gone and they are getting divorced and were moving to another farm and different school. (Didn't see her for six months) and when I did she was remarried.
So we were living with our father with a short fuse. My sister was my surrogate mother. I slept in her room from crib till I was old enough to sleep in her bed with her for the lack of rooms until age six when she and four of her friends died on new years eve plowing into a train that drug them 1/2 mile until it stopped. I was left to sleep in the same bed afterwards which found me waking up screaming from shock.
I'm sorry don't mean to drag this out but the rest of my life was met with 8 different women to bond with from four to truly bonding with just to be abandoned from dad chasing them off. I've never known anything different than depression loneliness and all the other symptoms like self harm, anger
narcissistic behavior. I also suffer from dyscalculia and all of this has gone undiagnosed to this day. No one even shows any concern for validation. I have went three different times to get help throughout my life. I have a daughter in-law that is a social worker that scolded me for trying to self diagnose and a twelve step therapy councilor telling me I need to see a therapist. I have isolated myself to the point that there is no body I can talk to that will try to understand.
I just want it to end!!!!!!!!! I'm sorry.
#3
General Discussion / Re: My story. long text
March 26, 2017, 07:40:40 AM
Hi, I'm new asof tonight and so happy to be here. OMG! I could be the image you see in the mirror with tweeks in the story line. I'm 54 years old and only now grasping for answers. I need to get some sleep but want to share some of my story tomorrow. It's 2:30 am and I should have been asleep hours ago. I really need people to talk to!
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