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This is becoming a stronger and stronger option for me.  I'm curious as to recommendations made by members who have "gone there", not videos youtube videos from others. 

I appreciate both of those pieces and those views are becoming so much more prevalent.  In my mind, the difficulty, especially with regard to the 1st article posted (not Gabor), is that the shear number of parents who themselves are addicted, either procedurally or, as just as commonly/comorbidly, chemically see the position they're in.  Do as I say, not as I do.  I cannot teach you to cope, unless I have learned to cope.  Isn't this part of the problem for us with C-PTSD?  Emotional neglect is bound to occur if a parent is neglecting their own emotions and therefore cannot regulate themselves.  So child/adolescent is stuck in a tough "projection"; he/she is basically attempting to do Ancestral Healing for one of maybe six or seven generations.  Enviable if one is consciously and willingly taking on this tremendous task; so unfair and the source of great pain if projected onto one by others.  C-PTSD might as well subsume addiction, and certainly-so if we include pharmaceuticals that potentiate more than just a placebo withdrawal upon discontinuation.  As if THAT withdrawal isn't enough (can't even factor it sufficiently, I think)f  Thanks for the topic and reading my rant.  I just find this situation....unreal, and very frustrating!

Ditto the previous comment, about to the "T".  Down to 1/2 mg at night for a month; thought that'd be a reasonable taper as I've previously done.  After doing away with the last 1/2 mg (from 1mg, 3x's daily-for years (western model thinking))- --felt like paranoia.  Since then, I've gone back to 1/2 3x's...gradually, and as stated in previous comment, it seems I need a safe-enough place to do this....perhaps out in nature.  I dunno...this is not an easy ride and yet, I'm a little bit at the wheel?  Good to know I'm not alone and saddened that so many are living a comparable nightmare.

Sasha:

I am sorry to hear the frustration and desperation in your post.  Since I am in the U.S., I cannot give you any specific advice on how to advocate for yourself, one of the most grueling things to have to do whilst juggling other stressors.   Hard to have your desire and right to help, also become a source of stress.

You did state some of the things you had done in order to gain access to the treatment you are in need of.   Good for you....as I said, sometimes "everything" just seems to hard, and you did these things.   You also mentioned considering writing to 3 other persons, one of whom was your GP (an internationally shared acronym- the others...not so much).
I would say that you do know what to do, and writing those letters (squeaky wheel b.s.) may actually facilitate getting you started.  When you have the energy, write a letter, or two, or all three, and then you will have been your best advocate until new ideas (if necessary- hopefully not) emerge. 

Wishing for you the help you require without more stress.

Thank you to all of you for the warm welcome.  After reading your comments, and since I'm working toward navigation on this site, I will respond to the welcomes I have received, and to some of your comments/inquiries.

Yes, it seemed wise to continue with formal education.  Perhaps, however, one of my hopes therein was to uncover some staggering revelation that would clarify what "to do about my situation".  I did believe that be healing this self, I would then be in a position to help others in theirs.  C-PTSD was not on the radar while I was in school (graduated 2005), and PTSD as we all know was related solely to single incidents or combat veterans.  C-PTSD, when first I came across it, just seemed to fit, and I was truly blown away by it.  Perhaps that remains one of the difficulties---acceptance.  However, while I am in no way married to the empirically validated treatment modalities, it sure is incredible the sheer number of treatment recommendations, protocols, etc. that are out there; all with the caveat that there is no one-size fits all.  So, now that I have outrageous student loans, a lack of direction (my former goals all seem; well, former), and I think of myself as more broken than I had previously believed, I am truly feeling without any real hope.  One of the comments suggested focusing on fun and enjoyment.  Sports, weight-lifting, reading and writing about Psychology/Spirituality, parties, etc. have become barren.  As far as humor, more often than not I find myself looking at situations so deeply that the comedy of a situation has an overlay of "this sh-it isn't funny anymore".  I used to love Colbert and The Daily Show, but I cannot laugh about how absolutely ridiculous most of this stuff is, and that while laughing always feels great, I'm usually SMH and wondering what we/I are going to do about these things.  I used to have a pretty darned good sense of humor, always finding something funny in any given situation to laugh about.  Then, I started to question the defense mechanisms involved and laughing became.......absent.  I feel much more serious about just what I need to do for me, and I do feel quite alone, regardless of who is around.  "These people", get to continue to enjoy their lives, and laugh at other people's foibles while I feel each and every (o.k., certainly not every) poke at others from the standpoint of sadness at "our lack of compassion and empathy".  I also see mine slipping away as was also mentioned by a respondent about self-compassion.  I feel like I'm just ranting, so I appreciate you bearing with me.  One thing mentioned herein was about a one-to-one homelife with someone who gets it.  Reminds me of a former therapist Daniel Mackler (a youtuber) and his research into "safe houses" where people go to heal.  Mostly, these were in other countries.  I did note that ICD-11 will contain C-PTSD, but I don't have insurance, and in the U.S., treatment centers (g-d help me) are extremely expensive.  Meanwhile, the body is showing signs of increasing stress and I have read and read, meditated, practiced deep breathing, but I am a truly lost soul for now.  I am a 50-year old "man/boy" who is living with my widowed father (my non-protector during those pivotal times).  I used to take great care of my looks (narc?), and had a charisma and a seeming confidence, which have all now fallen away.  I'm left with "why go on?"  I think that perhaps ending this life with a large caption around or above me that says "C-PTSD is real" is as worthwhile as anything.  And yet, I try to have hope.   I remember OSHO speaking of hope versus hopes.  Much more general, and at times, these sayings let me leave things as they are....there is just no obvious "thing to do".  It is very hard to stay in the present moment, and my beautiful black Lab who died just over 2-years ago is probably still in my mind and heart, and missing her "Sammy", drives me to a gut-wrenching sadness.  I have done everything I know to deal with the grief that is part of losing a "friend" like that after 10-years.  Just so lost and alone, and while I'm here and writing this (which probably belongs in 10 different topic sections), I believe that face to face and one on one are necessary.  None-the-less, I appreciate your welcome, your thoughts and opinions and welcome your ideas and feedback.  I feel like words are just.......(Snow Patrol, the band comes to mind)

May you have peace, and thank you again.

Thank you both for your warm welcome!  I am both appreciative and quite saddened that I'm not alone in this. 

Glad to hear you're clear of the benzo's now.  Back when I bought wholly into the western model, and was unaware of C-PTSD, I allowed my GP to put me on them, and I've been on Clonazepam for way too long.  SSRI's do nothing for me.  I decreased, slowly down to the end, but became fearful and perhaps even paranoid, so increased them again.  I know that they are not helpful in the long-term, but coming off of them in an "unsafe" environment (lack of emotional regulation, a not-strong-enough witness yet built, lack of support (everybody says, "take your meds")), makes this a dreadful proposition.  I have since started to take a great variety of herbs to help restore the nervous system, but sure wish that I could be assured that if the sht hits the fan, I'm not back to square one again.  Easy to start- not so easy to stop

Best of luck and wishing you courage and patience.....as I also need!

Hello all.

Ditto "Alone".  I feel ya there.  It is strange to move from "seemingly o.k." being with one's self to not being "seemingly o.k.", but very friggin' not o.k. with one's self.  As was also stated, it is hard to wake up to the reality of the PD'd persons who have seemed to be "loving us".  While I knew that my mother was abusive (my body continues to learn this), it took quite a bit longer to identify my father's failure to protect, and to try to understand how in the heck ....

I studied Psychology through the master's level; even worked as a therapist for a period before another "breakdown".  I hear writers in my mind now saying, "breakthrough?"  Not seeming that way.   I did realize that, as Pete Walker stated, and I must paraphrase, "As one Psychotherapist quipped, if C-PTSD were given its due, the DSM would shrink from the size of a large dictionary to a pamphlet".  So true that Psychology (The study of the "Soul) has, by way of reductionism, created such a hodge-podge of diagnoses based upon varied and changing symptom clusters- all on a continuum.  10-sessions and an SSRI is the protocol.  Crazy field coupled with "crazy me" doesn't mix well.  Disorders or Reorderings.  All the latter say I.  Clearly, I am trying to avoid the stigmas of some of the more stigmatizing diagnoses.  C-PTSD, however, seems to fit and I'm glad to see that while the APA doesn't see the validity of the diagnosis, the W.H.O. does.  If American Psychiatry/Psychology accepted it, then "treatment plans" and behavioral  health would eventually HAVE to change.  The body and the mind are one.  Enough of this rant...intellectualization has kept me from much of my healing as knowing is just not enough.  Experience.......argh!

I am 50-years of age.  My whole life has been seeking "the truth", and as I recall often drawing mazes as a youngster, I can see that this mind was already trapped and entranced (of course out of necessity) by understanding the incomprehensible family dynamics.  My deceased mother did not want children.  I was the 2nd and she apparently took diet pills while pregnant with me??  I looked it up.....had to be amphetamines.  So I've been on amphetamines since in the womb and obviously malnutritioned.  I was physically abused during toilet-training, and cannot find a picture of my mother and I in which she is actually touching this son whom she did not want.  The emotional and psychological torture I can sometimes imagine, and sometimes can feel compassion for "little e".  I have f'd up my life financially, relationally, and in many other ways.  Identification of triggers (rather than guilting myself for having them), dealing with the bodily sensations (emotions and otherwise) is very difficult.  I have read many of the threads herein and see that I'm not alone in this.  It can seem to me overwhelming trying to get help.  I've experienced re-birthing, mindfully-based therapy, a Vision Quest (showed just how "The Body Never Forgets"), and also how important it would've been to learn the emotional regulation skills beforehand (had a panic attack and thought leaving the VQ would be the end of my truth-seeking).  Not so lucky!  Have worked with Somatic Experiencing, Aryuveda, Cranio-Sacral therapy and Reiki.  No way out but through?!

I know this is probably tangential and not as revealing as I hope(d) to be, but it's an introduction of me/he who suffers to you/he/she who suffers, and, it seems, in many similar ways.

I wish for a new dealer...these cards suck.  I see my family sitting around the table and passing me the 2 of clubs in a game I remember called "F your neighbor".  Only I couldn't show a King to stop the passage.  The youngest of the family, I got it pretty bad and healing this seems a tall order.  I sometimes think that it's impossible; that the resources aren't there.  Support is difficult to find (here for that and to provide it I hope), trust is difficult because.....as it's hard to know "how" trustworthy another human can be; unconsciousness being the rule.

O.K. Enough for now.  Thank you for reading this and for any support you may be able to offer. 

"Psychology measures a person's adaptation to the society in which he/she finds themselves; no inquiry, however, is made as to that society's adaptation to the world as it is"- Hubert Benoit "Zen and the Psychology of Transformation"

Prayers and Blessings to all!

With regard to conscious v. unconscious, it is ultimately obvious.  That of which I am presently aware is conscious, otherwise, not so.  Consciousness itself means present-awareness, so whilst dissociated to whatever degree, one has become unconscious.  If one becomes aware that one has dissociated, one has become conscious- the witness to the desire and or acting out of SH.  Suicidal ideation, with which I too struggle, are thoughts.  All thoughts CAN potentially be seen as "passing clouds" and let go.  The feelings, however, seem much more difficult to deal with.  I feel ya.
Two anecdotes:

1) Shortly after I began meditation (timelines are not my specialty, so for how long must remain a mystery),  stopped biting my nails.  More accurately, the mouth on my face stopped biting the nails on my hands.  I was utterly surprised, with no intention to discontinue this behavior.  One day, I just thought, "strange, I need to cut my nails?"  This led, originally to great hope that, as was stated in this thread, "the body knows what its doing".  Eventually, it seems, to a "magical thinking"-of-sort, as I assumed that any other compensating (neurotic) behavior would also fall away by spending time on a cushion and experiencing the in and out breaths for the 10,000 times.......not so far

2)  I also used to grind my teeth at night.  One day I noticed that I was now aware of it during the day, but it stopped at night.  I thought, "great, it is here for me to work with in the light of day".  To this day, I still have tension in the jaw that won't abate, and which periodically returns during sleep.   

Thanks for the feed, and I truly feel empathy for those of us for whom the body is quite clearly keeping the score. 
I am new to this site and have yet to put my profile in place, but I understand, unfortunately, the shame that I hear resonating here.  I remember reading OSHO, "Using the Mind to Heal the Body", where he states that all animals use their claws and teeth when angered.  We poor humans; what other animal uses its teeth on its own claws.  C-PTSD sucks!

With sincerity and compassion.