I'm glad 
i wish you a lot of success in the therapy, just be brave
i wish you a lot of success in the therapy, just be brave
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#2
General Discussion / Re: How to know who you are
February 01, 2017, 06:26:03 PM
Hello,
Yes i understand you very well. Fear takes over very easily, it feels like you are trapped by it and can't overcome it. My persona experience and advice is to NOT try to overcome the feelings of paralyzing fear, because fight against yourself does not help. The only thing that helped me was to fully accept the fear and actually embrace these negative feelings such as dissociation, anger, frustration and fear and try to find the sources of this fear hidden deep in your mind. Search for causes, specific phrases, people, location, activities, it can be anything that when you close your eyes and say out loud makes you cringe. The important part is to accept the feelings at first, without it you can't overcome them.
Like when the wound is infected , you need to open it up even more and clean everything out, only after that it can heal properly.
Yes i understand you very well. Fear takes over very easily, it feels like you are trapped by it and can't overcome it. My persona experience and advice is to NOT try to overcome the feelings of paralyzing fear, because fight against yourself does not help. The only thing that helped me was to fully accept the fear and actually embrace these negative feelings such as dissociation, anger, frustration and fear and try to find the sources of this fear hidden deep in your mind. Search for causes, specific phrases, people, location, activities, it can be anything that when you close your eyes and say out loud makes you cringe. The important part is to accept the feelings at first, without it you can't overcome them.
Like when the wound is infected , you need to open it up even more and clean everything out, only after that it can heal properly.
#3
General Discussion / Re: Hallucinations to escape reality - how do you know who you really are?
February 01, 2017, 03:22:22 PM
hello radical,
thank you for your welcome and reply.
Yes, the fear is very dominating. When i feel this irrational fear all of a sudden with the confusion, i try to find a safe place, sit down, and analyze the subconscious impulse and accept the fear. I learned this technique in therapy and it works quite well for me. I was able to uncover wide feelings that i oppressed for such a long time and let myself cry and scream them out and then accept them.
Since the abuse happened in early childhood, I fear that it shaped the development of my personality, the implanted ideas shaped my worldview. I feel like my personality is a brick wall and while it was built some of the bricks were put there by my abuser. I am picking them out one by one. But I don't know how to fix the wall to be without these holes in it yet. Maybe this is another step of the recovery, but i am not sure yet how to get there.
The moments I feel less afraid is when I talk to people around me, because i observe my reactions and i see the changes in my attitude towards them, compared to the times when my feelings were so oppressed and i lived in the fear. This way i discover what the missing pieces might look like.
thank you for your welcome and reply.
Yes, the fear is very dominating. When i feel this irrational fear all of a sudden with the confusion, i try to find a safe place, sit down, and analyze the subconscious impulse and accept the fear. I learned this technique in therapy and it works quite well for me. I was able to uncover wide feelings that i oppressed for such a long time and let myself cry and scream them out and then accept them.
Since the abuse happened in early childhood, I fear that it shaped the development of my personality, the implanted ideas shaped my worldview. I feel like my personality is a brick wall and while it was built some of the bricks were put there by my abuser. I am picking them out one by one. But I don't know how to fix the wall to be without these holes in it yet. Maybe this is another step of the recovery, but i am not sure yet how to get there.
The moments I feel less afraid is when I talk to people around me, because i observe my reactions and i see the changes in my attitude towards them, compared to the times when my feelings were so oppressed and i lived in the fear. This way i discover what the missing pieces might look like.
#4
General Discussion / How to know who you are
February 01, 2017, 12:30:51 AM
Hello,
I am struggling now with the boundary between my real self and the C-PTSD.
I realized that psychological abuse in early childhood for a long time resulted in shaping my personality growth. How can you know what is the real you ad what are beliefs implemented by the abuse? I am lost in myself since i started to uncover hidden strings that affect my life decisions, implanted by the abuser as a part of his 'education'.
I am struggling now with the boundary between my real self and the C-PTSD.
I realized that psychological abuse in early childhood for a long time resulted in shaping my personality growth. How can you know what is the real you ad what are beliefs implemented by the abuse? I am lost in myself since i started to uncover hidden strings that affect my life decisions, implanted by the abuser as a part of his 'education'.
#5
General Discussion / Hallucinations to escape reality - how do you know who you really are?
January 31, 2017, 11:21:18 PM
Hello everyone,
I developed a C-PTSD as a child, was psychologically abused by a teacher for 5 years, I was 7-11 years old . I pretended in front of my loving friends and family nothing was happening because i was scared. In the end i wanted to commit a suicide but unsuccessfully, then it was revealed. I was ok for a while but when i was 14 i had a breakdown from it and took a therapy for a while and got better. But i was still unaware how deep my wounds were. Now i see i could not comprehend and accept my world in which i am not manipulated, used, controlled. That's when i started to think God is taking to me. It was appealing - he was controlling my life, i felt special, i was just obeying his rules. I thought i could predict future, hear his voice, his commands, that i understood how heaven and * works because he told me. I imagined seeing angels and devil and had many other delusions. I felt like i had strings again with no control and free will, which was all i was taught when growing up. This lasted for 4 years. It was so sudden when I realized none of it was true, like i always knew it but didn't let myself face it because the other reality was easier somehow. Full realization that none of it existed and that i wasted 5 years of my life living in madness was the hardest thing i have ever done.
I still feel random confusions about what is real and what is not. Th biggest challenge i face now is to realize where is the boundary between my trauma and my own personality. It feels like i have none, like my inside is only the fear from what my mind is capable of and the need to be manipulated again.
How do you know who you are? Any advice would help.
I developed a C-PTSD as a child, was psychologically abused by a teacher for 5 years, I was 7-11 years old . I pretended in front of my loving friends and family nothing was happening because i was scared. In the end i wanted to commit a suicide but unsuccessfully, then it was revealed. I was ok for a while but when i was 14 i had a breakdown from it and took a therapy for a while and got better. But i was still unaware how deep my wounds were. Now i see i could not comprehend and accept my world in which i am not manipulated, used, controlled. That's when i started to think God is taking to me. It was appealing - he was controlling my life, i felt special, i was just obeying his rules. I thought i could predict future, hear his voice, his commands, that i understood how heaven and * works because he told me. I imagined seeing angels and devil and had many other delusions. I felt like i had strings again with no control and free will, which was all i was taught when growing up. This lasted for 4 years. It was so sudden when I realized none of it was true, like i always knew it but didn't let myself face it because the other reality was easier somehow. Full realization that none of it existed and that i wasted 5 years of my life living in madness was the hardest thing i have ever done.
I still feel random confusions about what is real and what is not. Th biggest challenge i face now is to realize where is the boundary between my trauma and my own personality. It feels like i have none, like my inside is only the fear from what my mind is capable of and the need to be manipulated again.
How do you know who you are? Any advice would help.
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