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Can I ask you what meds you took sanmagic, and if you had any side affects?

Well...

Not sure where to start really, it's certainly not getting better. I am quite lost in life, I spent 10 years working on my business thinking as soon as I earn that amount, buy that car, or get that house I will be happy, and I have achieved all of those things and I am miserable as sin. I want to set up a charity eventually to help get homeless people off the street and into work but that seems light years away given the fact I can't even function in my own house most days, let alone get further out then a mile a so.

Yes, I have considered medication but it doesn't treat the root cause, and like yourself I have seen so many horror stories, so many lawsuits, it's just not worth the risk for me, at least if I am not on meds I know my body isn't taking anything else apart from stress, anxiety, cortisol and so forth. Really have no idea where to turn at the moment, however I did see a video of a CPTSD therapist that had helped someone recover completely, but like what I have read some people never recover. Sometimes I do wish I had no one around me then I could take my own life and wouldn't hurt anyone in doing so, however I have always been a warrior and fighter and that's not something I would do no matter what, the only refuge for the really dark days is under my covers in bed.

It's terrible to hear people don't get better from this and it worries me a lot. I began to realise that after searching for "truth" in this physical life of ours, the complete "truth" is that we just do not know what the truth is. An anology which I found really insightful is if you take an "ant" he or she is just an ant, they carry out jobs amongst other ants, but that's all they are. We are just human, and that's all we are... to try and understand life completely and the reasons we are here and the reasons we go through things probably isn't possible for our minds to comprehend or even understand, so ultimately I have given up on that. I do know one thing given a completely amazing experience many years ago that cannot be scientifically explained, and that's that I do believe in God, not from a religious stand point but from an intimate relationship with him, and during my darkest moments he has been my refuge, I just wish I could get better!

I have been struggling most of my life, I am now 33 and I just came out of an 11 year relationship that was pretty toxic, and abusive. Throughout my life I have found myself in abusive relationships starting in childhood with my parents as the black sheep, through to my best friend at 17 who's dad drugged me, and then finally my ex wife who was very abusive.

I am having all kinds of problems and have been now for a total of around 3 - 4 years. These includes agoraphobia, emotional flash backs, panic attacks, extreme anxiety, hot energy within my body which makes me anxious and almost sends me into a panic attack, it probably is one. I also have delusional thoughts about the world, a fear of evil things and *. Inside my mind I am completely lost, it's a constant dialogue of negativity which not only effects my mind, but has a huge effect on my body, a simple bad dark thought can trigger huge amounts of anxiety, adrenalin and cortisol which plague through my system like a vicious beating.

I am very lost at the moment. I am completely overwhelmed with how to handle this, and even the smallest thing can trigger me. I watched a film recently that contained some new age bits in there and before I knew it I was running to the bathroom with floods of adrenalin and panic. My body and my mind is on constant alert 24 hours a day in a state of fight or flight, and getting my head into the real world forgetting my thoughts and my problems is something that happens for a very short amount of time each day. I am not completely unable to handle stress, I used to be able to work 18 hour days on my business without blinking and my drive and determination got me through, however I find it hard to even concentrate for an hour now, let alone coming to the realisation that as each day passes I am completely struggling to cope, and I find the only thing I look forward to is bed time so I can sleep and escape the pain and torture that lies within me, pulling me down and beating me every minute of every day.

I don't believe in pharmaceutical drugs at all, and I refuse to take them. I know when I don't feel anxious I am a warm caring person with a huge heart and a great sense of humour and I like to try and make people happy when I interact with them, but I am guilty of being a people pleaser and being hugely sensitive not only to the energy people give off but also to the interactions I have with people on any given day. Even a parcel delivery from a rude or obnoxious person can set me back for hours to a point where I feel I almost adopt and take the persons pain and problems on to my self.

This is the first time I have joined a forum, and I have tried numerous things over the years without joy such as therapy, hypnosis, and probably the one thing that has given me any relief currently is EFT. I just want to feel better, the very rare days when I just feel "Ok" are absolute bliss for me and I long to have those days again.

Do I have any hope at all of getting better or am I completely stuck with this to the point where I can't even go further than 1 mile from my house? This is a complete prison for me both psychologically and physically given I am stuck at home, unable to do anything because of the huge amounts of fears, the emotional flashbacks and my body screaming at me to run.

Please help.