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Thankyou all for your warm welcome and you're book recommendations! I am half way through Bessel van der kolks book and finding it hard reading but so interesting and helpful. I find any book that relates to trauma I have to read it in small bits or it is too overwhelming. I have also read Childhood Disrupted which was a big moment of realisation why I have some auto immune diseases and other physical issues. I found the first half of it depressing but the second half was so valuable in how to heal. I am really wanting to focus on healing myself this year to what is possible and realistic, although I know it will be a lifelong process.

Hello everyone, I am joining this site as I grew up in a very dysfunctional family, thought I was ok and over it until last year when I picked up Dave walkers book on cptsd and attended a trauma workshop for work. I think this triggered something in me that cracked me open as I started getting nightmares and emotional flashbacks. I freaked out thinking I had a mental breakdown until I read Dave walkers book and it all finally made sense! I fully identified with having CPTSD despite never having heard this term before although I work in mental health. It was a relief to finally know why I had soo many symptoms like anxiety, panic attacks, depression, PTSD like flashbacks of DV in high school, binge eating, avoidant attachment , codependency and much more.  Realising all of this has helped me with recovery but dealing with the emotional flashbacks can be terrible.

My dad has NPD with traits of paranoid and antisocial  and was violent to me and my mum, nearly murdering her on 2 occaions. My my mum is great now but she was so caught up in surviving she didn't protect me and my brother and was emotionally neglectful and codependent. I've only just come out of the FOG with my mums family realising they all have codependency and Strong PD traits and my dads father suffered CSA. I'm in therapy on and off for 4 years now and a self help book addict.  I have been NC with my dad for 10 years but again had contact last year at my grandmothers funeral, where I also had to tell him he wasn't invited to my wedding. I think this was also a trigger for the flashbacks to reoccur.

I finally decided to join because I feel like no-one else really understands what I'm going through and how hard it is to continue to function 'normally'. Just last night I had a flashback dream to my fathering threatening to kill my mother  and I had to ring her at 3am terrified to make sure she was ok. Then I cried like a baby shaking in fear while in flashback to my terrified inner child and I'm 28.

Thanks for listening.