Messages

Thanks everyone. 

I've been wondering about having a spiritual life.

I'm at this point in my life where I am visualizing my values, attitudes and morals for me for the first time. I am rediscovering myself as a person with boundaries and values. I wasn't really given an opportunity in my life to experience much of a "me" in my FOO as it was highly dysfunctional, emotionally abusive and more. In therapy, I recently discovered I have PTSD from recent events due to living with my parents and my relationship with my brother. I just have so many issues to deal with. I have highs and lows. I intentionally self isolate. I've been betrayed my FOO and an ex friend. I put people at arms length as I do not want to be hurt again. I feel like it will be awhile until I have my self figured out. The healing journey is painful.

At the same time, this journey can be quite lonely. I don't know who to trust as I have almost no trust in authority figures except maybe one of my current bosses. I don't want to be controlled and nor do I want to be manipulated to believe in a certain way. I want to have a grasp of what I value so I can measure it up against the church to see if I like it or not. I don't know if I can ever have a spiritual life as sometimes I can't even trust my self or my own judgement. People are just scary to me right now.

I'd like to have a relationship with God but it's hard when I put God on the same pedestal as regular people. How do you recommend I could build a spiritual life when I have all these factors to live with? Any steps, podcast, books, or articles that I could look at to help me make these kind of judgments?

Thanks for reading.