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and the thing that sux the most...is, it's an actual physical pain.  it really hurts.  and it's exhausting.
i just can't figure it out.  After this much time...how can it still just come along and SLAM me down?
I spend so much of my time now...in a GOOD space, in peace and positivity and then BOOM!
slapped down.  i hope my dreams tonite are just non existent...or if not...then nice.  no bad dreams.

so let me just reply to myself, at this point, cuz it's already whatever time over there in the Continental
US of A.  What I was seeking was HOW does one get PAST the point of getting Triggered?  OUT of the dam Blue...I woke up to a FB message from 2 months ago...and FIRST OF ALL, why does it show up Just Now?  And it was a forward of an article from our local newspaper, talking about the sentencing of the person who had physically choked and punched me during sex...and they Mentioned all that in the paper!  And then there were comments and some broad was defending him and made a flat out false statement about how I had been beaten a day before by a chick and therefore I had been lying about it.
So...3 months later, I am defending myself publicly against this stupid person's lies.  and here we go... just triggered.  reliving the event that pushed me over the edge to CPSTD.  oh,  here goes the hyperstartle reflex, here goes the reliving, the bad dreams, the hypervigilance.  HOW DOES ONE STOP THIS?  How do you stop getting Triggered?  Trust me...I been dousing myself in Abraham Hicks, Tony Robbins...keeping aware of What I am thinking on...Positivity...to attract Positivity...but what the * do you do when all of a sudden, you wake up one innocent morning and find it Glaring in your face...and you being attacked and?  really? 
I wanted to just Blow it Off...Not my Reality anymore...but here it is, eating me up.

I registered for this site because I am seriously struggling with some heavy blows and it's been ONLY because I am such a stubborn chick that I even got this far.
I mean...is this part of a therapy process?  Make us search so dam hard to even find a place to say anything that by the time we get here...we are feeling OVAH the Pain that brought us here cuz now we are  just a little pissed off and not even sure if we are even in the right place to even discuss our difficulty of dealing with CPTSD, much less our frustration of finding a spot to talk.  Am I talking to the right Group?  I'm sure I probly stuck my foot in my mouth? at this point...but I hope a point is made...Where the * am I?
oh, and here we go...make me do another visual verification and ask me more questions about what is this site called and blah blah.  are you really here to help folks or screening for   how many people left already without getting the help they were seeking for?  but I'll persist.  just fo see.