Hi this is my first time using this forum and i'm not entirely sure that I belong..
I am 18 and have recently moved to university. Since getting to uni I have become more anxious than before, although I had experienced general and social anxiety before, I had not experienced panic attacks as I am now. I believe the source of this panic and anxiety rests with the bullying I experienced for several years at the start of secondary school. The bullying I experienced was mainly emotional with occasionally being shoved, or having one of my bullies repeatedly trying to unclasp my bra through back of my shirt. Since then I have been very uncomfortable with physical contact of any kind, and jump whenever even my closest friends do as little as tap me on the shoulder.
My friends at home seemed to notice that I dislike touch and so would avoid anything that would make me feel uncomfortable, but since I arrived at uni I have realized how much they held back as so many of my interactions involve touch. Although my body physically reacts by flinching I know I actually want the contact? I have been in situations here where I could be intimate with other people who I know are kind and respectful, yet I cant get my body calm down, I feel constantly on edge and have to end the situation quickly as I start to feel trapped and close to a panic attack.
The kids who bullied me were all male and I still feel uncomfortable around men, I feel exhausted having to watch every move as if they may hurt me even though I know my male friends here are some of the kindest people i've ever met, and I feel guilty for the way it might make them feel if I get jumpy when they walk into the room or tap me to get my attention. I have to leave any situation which makes me feel trapped which is starting to really impact me.
I felt pretty alone in this experience before reading some of the posts in this forum, I think perhaps I have been experiencing cptsd but im not sure.. has anyone had similar experiences, or does anyone have any advice to get my body to stop reacting so much
I am 18 and have recently moved to university. Since getting to uni I have become more anxious than before, although I had experienced general and social anxiety before, I had not experienced panic attacks as I am now. I believe the source of this panic and anxiety rests with the bullying I experienced for several years at the start of secondary school. The bullying I experienced was mainly emotional with occasionally being shoved, or having one of my bullies repeatedly trying to unclasp my bra through back of my shirt. Since then I have been very uncomfortable with physical contact of any kind, and jump whenever even my closest friends do as little as tap me on the shoulder.
My friends at home seemed to notice that I dislike touch and so would avoid anything that would make me feel uncomfortable, but since I arrived at uni I have realized how much they held back as so many of my interactions involve touch. Although my body physically reacts by flinching I know I actually want the contact? I have been in situations here where I could be intimate with other people who I know are kind and respectful, yet I cant get my body calm down, I feel constantly on edge and have to end the situation quickly as I start to feel trapped and close to a panic attack.
The kids who bullied me were all male and I still feel uncomfortable around men, I feel exhausted having to watch every move as if they may hurt me even though I know my male friends here are some of the kindest people i've ever met, and I feel guilty for the way it might make them feel if I get jumpy when they walk into the room or tap me to get my attention. I have to leave any situation which makes me feel trapped which is starting to really impact me.
I felt pretty alone in this experience before reading some of the posts in this forum, I think perhaps I have been experiencing cptsd but im not sure.. has anyone had similar experiences, or does anyone have any advice to get my body to stop reacting so much