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I really want to stop harming myself but it seems like almost every time my husband and I get into an argument or fight I end up doing it. He tries to stop me and literally has to hold me down from punching myself in the head, banging my head against the wall, or punching the wall so hard my arm hurts for days.  I used to cut for years but stopped 6 years ago. There have been other situations that made me feel like wanting to harm myself. It's usually when I feel out of control and someone is upsetting me a lot or triggering past trauma memories.

My husband get's angry and defensive easily and has trouble realizing when he starts yelling or speaking angrily in a tone that is triggering for me. Even after I tell him that he's upsetting me and making me really anxious, he says it's hard for me him to calm down and speak normally. It's very scary for me because it reminds me of how my mom used to treat me and I feel like he doesn't love me when he talks to me like this. Sometimes he doesn't stop yelling or talking angrily/aggressively until I self harm and then he realizes how much he really affected me and immediately stops and holds me and feels really badly. He says he just has trouble controlling his emotions and realizing how he's expressing himself.

I don't know what to do. I want to stop self harming but I never know when I'll be triggered and I'm going through a TON in my life right now already. I have a lot of health problems on top of my PTSD and a family that hasn't been very understanding or helpful. Sometimes I don't consciously think to self harm, it just happens when I dissociate from being triggered. So, I'm not sure how to stop this if I can't entirely control it.

Moose410-

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this level of pain.  As you said, the mind/body connection is undeniable.  You have  forum, which I hope is a source of hope and comfort as your healing continues.

May this day find you doing better.

Thank you  It is comforting to know that there are other people out there dealing with the same problems I'm dealing with. And it has given me some hope that things can get better.

I have had problems with binge eating my whole life   I have gotten better with it by adjusting my diet so that I don't eat junk most of the time. The best advice I have for you while you're working on binging less, is to just keep healthy food around and try to exercise as much as you can. I still eat more often than I should, but I eat a lot of vegetables, fruit, meat, and fish and not so many sweets, bread, dairy, etc. Healthier food like vegetables are much for filling than junk food. Changing your diet could also help your autoimmune condition. I also have some kind of autoimmune condition. I have been dealing with a chronic case of EBV recently and was diagnosed with Fibromyaliga when I was younger. A lot of my symptoms lessened when I cut gluten and dairy out of my diet.

I really do believe there is a connection between CPTSD and autoimmune conditions. It makes sense to me that your body wouldn't be able to function as optimally when you are in a constant state of fear and stress. I have another friend who also has PTSD and an autoimmune condition, and she seems to think this is true as well.

I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia at age 15. Since being diagnosed I have gotten much better with a lot of symptoms.  I am at least able to keep a job, walk, exercise sometimes, and do everyday things that most people are able to do...most days. I am off all pain medications now too (I used to be on Tramadol for a couple years.) But I still feel like CPTSD affects my body in sooo many ways. The main reason a lot of those symptoms have gotten better for me is because I've changed my diet (cut out gluten and dairy and generally just try to eat healthier.) Even when I take care of myself as well as I possibly can, I still am in pain or just don't feel right. I KNOW a lot of my physical problems have stemmed from the stress I've dealt with that's related to my CPTSD.

When I'm in an extremely stressful situation, like a fight with my husband or something just as stressful, my whole body is in a ton of pain afterwards. The change in my entire body is so drastic after I've had to deal with any kind of stress, including EF. Sometimes I feel like I can be setback for an entire day after going through a stressful situation. It's horrible. The connection between your mind and body is undeniable. Plus, I feel like my body is constantly tense. My shoulders are usually hunched up as if I'm on guard just in case someone attacks me. I try to pay attention to my body and relax my shoulders, but it's really difficult to constantly remind myself to do this.

It's enough having to deal with all the psychological damage that comes along with CPTSD, but it's so much worse also having to deal with physical symptoms that have resulted from having this disorder 

Thanks for the warm welcome everyone!

Hi and a warm welcome to OOTS Moose    I just realized as I read your post that I don't know anyone yet IRLwho has CPTSD.  Is the person someone you can talk to about having the disorder?  If so it could really be  a mutually beneficial resource 

Hey thanks for responding. The person I was referring to is someone I could probably talk to about it, but we don't see each other often because they live far away. But, I also recently found out (I suspected they had it but never heard them say it) that one of my good friends has PTSD too. We've both experienced childhood abuse and have talked about it a little. It does feel a lot better hearing other people's similar experiences.

Hey there everyone. I am new to this forum. I'm 22 and from NJ. I discovered this website a few weeks ago. It's really good to see that there are other people out there going through a lot of the same things I've gone through my whole life.

I have been under a huge amount of stress recently. I deal with depression, anxiety and intrusive/obsessive thoughts a lot. I hope that joining this forum will help me deal with all the emotions I've been feeling recently. I'm hoping to figure out new ways of coping with the these feelings. I regularly smoke cannabis to help with my symptoms, but have recently had to stop because I was arrested months ago, which is why I feel like I especially need support right now. I just recently got married as well, and it has been difficult living with another person and dealing with my problems.

I wish I had found out about this site sooner! Only one other person I know has C-PTSD, and many of my friends don't seem to understand that you don't have to have gone to war to have PTSD.