Messages

Hey Stussy, so sorry to hear about the nightmares. I know how frightening they can be and why you wouldn't want to talk about them. I have to agree with NarcKiddo that you may find it helps to "defuel" them by talking about them with your H. Stuffing them may feel safer and yet ironically it can give them more power.

All that said, you know you best and if you need to push away from them for now, then that may be the most helpful thing to do until you're ready to bring them out into the light of day for some "sunshine therapy"  and the power of connection (i.e. with your H). 

 

Sorry to hear you've had negative and lasting experiences with medications Roger. I was addicted to benzos about 2-1/2 years back and fortunately my withdrawal was well managed in hospital and I've not ended up with any ill effects thankfully. I also had to titrate off Prozac when it stopped working and I did that with the help of my GP, again no ill effects. It seems like you have not had the support or information you needed. 

Have you talked with your GP about all of this? Good place to start and they can likely refer you to whatever specialist would know best about these symptoms and how to help. (And if your GP is not particularly helpful maybe it's time to look for a new, better informed and helpful GP.)

I'm just spit balling here but I wonder if a pharmacist might have some answers for you? Here in Canada our pharmacists are doing much more than handing out prescriptions these days. It may be they have information about what's going on and can talk with you and your GP. I know mine was quite helpful when I had ovarian cancer and was having difficulty with steroids in my chemo cocktail (explained to me that some people become quite agitated like me and so I was confident pushing for that to be removed from my chemo which the team did), and with nausea (spoke to my cancer team and insurance and got approval to give me the "gold standard" of medication which really did the trick).  It might be worth a conversation with a pharmacist.

I hope you're able to get some answers and better yet, some relief from the symptoms you're dealing with   

Hannah, this is awesome and I am so very glad for you. Stories like yours are the reason I advocate for us to healthcare professionals and institutions. Imagine how things would have been if you'd had a clinician who knew about, understood and had experienced medical trauma way back when.

There is so much more science to each of us than even we know sometimes and as we all explore this terrible fate of CPTSD and what it does to us mentally and physically, hopefully we can shine a light on the impact and losses we experience so we have access to the care we need and deserve.

I hope you are on a good path that will help relieve a lot of what you've been dealing with!!      

    What BB asked.  If they do suffer from CPTSD it may be you can navigate this together.

someday i may have to drag a guy off a barstool and bring him home w/ me - there are things i can't do myself, after all!

You go girl! I say drag a guy off a barstool and drag him on home

There have been some issues with the site recently that should be fixed now. Just in case, however, if you don't want to lose a post you may want to write if offline and then post it, especially long ones.

Please let me know if you encounter any glitches (l.herod@yahoo.ca) and I will get back in touch with SquareSpace right away to get things fixed.

Kizzie

Ah San, I feel you. I wouldn't have said I was deprived before I realized in recovery that while I had a roof over my head, three meals a day, clothing, etc., the "necessities" of life as people common refer to these were not all there was. What I did NOT have was the kind of nurturing, care, warmth, safety, sense of worth, every human being needs to thrive. These things were neglected in my life and as a result like you I know now how deprived I was of the necessities of love, appreciation, worth, belonging... 

I remember telling a T a long time ago I had a memory of standing outside the house where we lived and feeling like I was safer outside than inside. It always stuck with me that feeling and it was only years, decades really that I understood what it was all about. Alongside the anger and tension in my family, there was a coldness, a lack of something profound, deprivation.

There are a lot of lovely things you and I can give ourselves now and I'm down with that. I don't want to wait anymore for it to come to me, I can bring it for myself and I hope you do too. 

Just my thoughts PT, but I think we are (or need to be) in the driver's seat when it comes to therapy. If you feel like you want/need to speak up/look for another therapist then absolutely do so. There are so many different therapeutic approaches for CPTSD that we need to find what works for us.


   

The forum is sorted but one thing I'd recommend is to write and keep a copy of your posts, long ones in particular, offline. We haven't had a ton of technical issues at OOTS but they do happen from time to time unfortunately and it's a real pain to lose them I know.

First of all, congrats on the illustration course, it sounds like it will be fun and may help with the career you are entertaining. 

I'm so sorry to hear about the state of your mental health system Teddy Bear. It's about what I thought sadly.
I know you have limited funds but I am curious if there is private care available which is not so politically fraught and something you could consider down the line if/when you are able to afford it? 

I hope at least being here is of some help. I have found (and as many other members have said) that being with survivors where you can speak freely and everyone gets it and is supportive can make a real difference in recovery.

 

I'm glad to hear you are recovering Teddy Bear, it sounds like you went through quite a bad period. Are you recovering on your own or do you have a therapist?

I'd personally be interested to hear about the mental health system where you live as Russia still remains a mystery in many ways. It seems odd that there is an acceptance of the ICD-10 but not the ICD-11 which does have CPTSD as a diagnosis. Is this something you could ask for from a therapist/the health system (i.e., that you be evaluated for CPTSD according to the ICD-11)? And may I ask what is "F20"?

Also, there is a guide we developed as part of a project a team of us completed recently which is for healthcare professionals and does cover complex relational trauma and complex PTSD, as well as trauma informed care, etc. It's here - https://www.outofthestorm.website/healthcare-project. It's only in English though so that may be prohibitive. If there is a T who does speak English though, it likely would be quite helpful.

I do hope you are able to carve out a career in the near future, it sounds like you have some ideas about what you'd like to do 

Unfortunately LadyBugBee is no longer coming to the forum but I think this is a good thread to carry on with given CPTSD affects our work life.

This is slightly different from what LBB posted about but working takes a lot out of us especially if we're dysregulated and trying to hold it together while at work. I remember coming home some days and just collapsing because of the effort of appearing like everything was "normal" with me. It would take cocooning all evening and overnight just to be able to slog through another day until I was able to regulate again. I am retired now and glad to not be dealing with work related stress and CPTSD symptoms I must say.

I think there are countries where CPTSD is classed as a disability now - if you happen to be in a location where this is available it would be interesting to hear from you and how it all works. 

Hi and a warm welcome to Out of the Storm Pelican Town! 

I am a fellow Canadian and share a lot of the interests you do. I love animals but sadly I am allergic - to cats especially - so watch a lot of cute animal videos.

One thing I remember Pete Walker (author, therapist and fellow survivor) saying about CPTSD is that we think and feel at quite a deep level which can be both a blessing and a curse. I agree and really it makes sense because when you've faced what we've all faced how could we be shallow? We're very aware of how much harm people can inflict and how that feels. I've always seen it as a kind of an existential crisis that non-survivors don't face which makes it hard to relate to them, make small talk in social situations, etc.

I hope you will find the community fits you quite well, we do tend to get things many (most?) non-survivors don't. 

Hi LucasLu - Welcome to Out of the Storm. If I may I'd like to suggest that you make an introductory post here in the Introductions section? It would help members get an idea of your trauma history so we know why you developed Complex PTSD. It also gives us some important context for what is happening now in the present and why.

Thanks,

Kizzie
Forum Administrator

LucasLu do you have a reference for this so we know where you got the original, compare your version to it and see how you've updated it?

Tks,

Kizzie, Forum Administrator