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I'm blown away by your insights James and I truly hope others will benefit from what you've shared about your journey to understanding and compassion for yourself. We need to hear stories like yours - bravo to you! 

I have to agree with Narc Kiddo that joy is such a big emotion that we could not risk feeling when we were experiencing trauma either as children or as adults. I remember feeling like I could not allow myself to feel much positive as a child for fear of the other shoe dropping and feeling deflated like a balloon. It hurt less if the fall wasn't so great. Nowadays I too aim for contentment just as NK has said, takes a lot of pressure off and it isn't quite as threatening.
 
I'm so sorry to hear you are feeling depressed right now. The holidays are fraught for us sadly. I hope it helps if even if just a little to know it matters to us that you are feeling low

It's a very popular book (if somewhat difficult) but you're so right about it helping us to understand just how much of an impact trauma has on our bodies.

Good on you LadyBoar, that's is such a huge step in recovery - yay!!!!

Awesome BB, thanks for digging up and summarizing all this info. It is such a relief to see that the data confirms what I intuitively knew must be the case. I quit smoking in the days before Nicorette (which has been likened to quitting heroin), with far less hardship than I've had dealing with eating issues.

We all have to eat whereas we don't have to smoke/take drugs/gamble, etc., so the constant exposure to food is something we must contend with. Still, that doesn't entirely explain the differences between survivors and non-survivors as the research indicates. There really are differences relating to trauma, psychological yes but also physiological.

This is really important info for medical/mental professionals, nutritionists/dieticians, etc., to know in order to develop more robust/effective treatments than basically "Just eat less and exercise more." That just doesn't address the struggle many of us have with food and makes us feel like failures.

I would love to talk with a professional who gets that I am different and is open to helping in a way I can relate to, that takes into account my trauma. I have seen my fair share of dieticians over the years and not once did I feel comfortable revealing my background. Sure I've had the 'emotional' eating chats many times, but I imagine if I told those I saw just how 'emotional' and stressful and chaotic life was for me they would not have known what to say. 

Time for change!

 

Having trouble with relationships is very common for us so you're not alone in that respect Ran. And really, it's no wonder we are anxious avoidant, etc., considering the trauma we've experienced in relationships. What helped me to be less reactive was I started to hang onto the thought that not everyone wants to hurt me, that there really are good people out there and if I let my guard done a bit at a time I will be OK. Like anything with CPTSD it takes time and practice, but IMO it's worth it to keep looking for the good, healthy people we can trust and be safe with.

Re: seeing issues and feeling you have to change people is a tough one I know. I too have felt that I need to speak up and sometimes I still do, as in when the persona crosses a line.  At the same time I can now see that some things may not be important enough to speak up about and I drop it, let it go to the universe and carry on with my day. It's very freeing but again, it takes practice. 

Hope this is helpful 

[an issue with both medical and mental health components]

I asked AI to search "obesity and Complex PTSD" and here's what it came up with:

Complex PTSD and obesity are linked through shared physiological and psychological pathways, such as chronic stress, inflammation, and hormonal dysregulation, which can lead to weight gain, metabolic dysfunction, and increased cravings for high-calorie foods. The trauma response can alter appetite-regulating hormones like cortisol, leptin, and ghrelin, while also leading to coping mechanisms like "food addiction" or binge-eating to manage emotional distress. Addressing both psychological and physical health is crucial for treating these interconnected issues.

What is interesting is that when I went to Google Scholar, lots of research about PTSD and obesity - very little about Complex PTSD that I saw after doing a quick search. A lot of what the PTSD articles talk about is food addiction as a way of self-soothing which in our case leaves out the bodily responses we have due to protracted exposure to traumatic stress. The good thing about searching with AI on is that it looks at a vast amount of research data so it is there, but it's not as easily found. 

I'm going to dig a bit more because it's something that those of us dealing with obesity need healthcare providers to understand.  That is, it's an issue with both medical and mental health components, which to my mind makes dealing with it just that much more difficult.

To those of you who have reported questionable posts recently I wanted to let you know I appreciate it as I can't read through every post here at OOTS. IMO it makes us more of a community if we look out for each other and keep this forum safe and respectful so lease keep doing so. 

I look at every reported post and take action as necessary. This ranges from no action, to editing the post and informing the poster as to why, to deleting the account of the reported poster. Please note this last  action is reserved for the few who seriously contravene our guidelines (e.g., obvious trolls trying to upset members on the forum).

If you do see a post you find questionable, please hit the report button.  I am the only one who see's the report and I never reveal who makes the report to anyone.

Many thanks,

Kizzie   

 

Spot on TheBigBlue!   

When my son was in medical school (just graduated in May), he had a class where the doctor speaking was using some derogatory/flippant language about patients who are obese such as "a heart attack waiting to happen" and so on. I'm delighted to say that he and his fellow students texted each other about how this kind of "fat-shaming" was simply not on in a course. They then went to their Dean to complain and happily they were well received and action was taken to remind faculty that this kind of shaming language was not permitted. So, progress is on the horizon!

I personally would like to see complex relational trauma survivors referred to not as disordered, but as injured. This puts the onus, not on us but on our perpetrators and normalizes our symptoms as responses to abuse/neglect rather than some kind of character defect.

Hello and a warm welcome to Out of the Storm! 

I can imagine you are feeling nervous, I know when I started at our sister site (Out of the FOG), before creating this site I was incredibly nervous, as though writing anything about my abuse would rain done more abuse or members would tell me I didn't have it that bad. I would spend inordinate amounts of time writing every post and then fret and sweat about responses. When I started OOTS I felt nervous as well but within no time I had the feeling I had finally found my tribe and that I was safe and could talk about things I'd never talked with anyone -- including therapists -- about.

So I hope the nervousness wears off soon and you feel the understanding and support members here give one another!   

Hi Dochartaigh and welcome to Out of the Storm! 

As I was reading through your post a memory came back to me of standing outside my family home somewhere around age 10+.  I remember thinking that I felt safer outside than I did inside.  Similar to what you felt, I had a feeling of safety and freedom. Now looking back it tells me everything I need to know about what my childhood was like and why I developed CPTSD.

I believe my story is fairly basic and not as bad as many.

One thing I often say to new members who think their abuse/neglect wasn't as bad as some others is that if you have the symptoms of CPTSD and struggle, yes it really was that bad. It's clear (to me) in what you wrote that you were led to believe you weren't wanted or loved and honestly, what could be worse than that? The very people who are supposed to love, protect and nurture us do the opposite and leave us feeling very alone and frightened.

I hope being here you will begin to feel less alone and that you belong to this tribe of wounded but oh so caring and lovely people. 

I found it quite hard at first too, but then it got easier as I realized and felt how much freer and calmer I felt not dealing with all the chaos and drama. And I do feel more authentic now that I am no longer having to put on my survival self mask just to make it through.

Wishing you the same! 

I am so sorry to hear you were never believed and constantly invalidated Lady Boar, that teaches us about our worth and value as a human or lack thereof.  It's good to hear your H and T believe in you and support you, that can make quite the difference when it comes to recovery/healing. Just the fact that you revealed your experiences to us here shows you are moving forward.   

I can imagine as you remember and validate your family's treatment that you would struggle to interact with them.  There's a lot there to deal with and anger and grief to feel.