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Welcome to Out of the Storm Highimpedance  So sorry for all that you have been through and are dealing with at present. I'm always happy when survivors manage to find their way here and begin to feel the relief of not being so alone anymore.

I absolutely love the term "post-traumatic joy" SO      There is nothing quite so wonderful than feeling that connection and understanding with other survivors that can bring about a sense of belonging and joy.  Pass the champagne please 

Just my two cents BB, but CBT bothers many of us because often we didn't feel like (or were made to feel like) we were "getting it right" much as you experienced. A lot of us find CBT can be helpful for some things (e.g., I got over my fear of flying and reduced my social anxiety), but it is limited (IMO) when it comes to those deep core wounds we suffered and the symptoms they gave rise to because they are so primal/emotional in nature. They are wounds you can't think your way out of, they need to be addressed in a relational context with a T who feels safe and trustworthy just as you suggested.

Getting over a fear of flying is just not the same as the fear of ever being in a position where I have no power or control, the fear of being so vulnerable, and the necessity of doing what I have to to survive. There is every reason to continue to fear that (because I have been through it), and to do what I can to never ever feel that way again, unless and until I have someone I can connect with and who will walk through those feelings with me. 

If you go to Pete Walker's site he talks about why he takes a relational approach as well as what a T needs to be for CPTSD clients. Both felt right to me since I read his book back in 2014 and still do. See https://pete-walker.com/pdf/relationalHealingComplexPTSD.pdf.

Good luck with your upcoming therapy appointment, I hope you are able to get across why it was not helpful when your T tried to reason you out of a feeling of a loss of safety.

Unfortunately TB, as we are an international site we aren't able to pass along much in the way of info about individual T's. We do have databases where you can search for a T who specializes in one thing or another here - https://www.cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=881.0. If you do find T's in your area there is info about how much they charge or whether they will use a sliding scale based on your income.

The other thing that works well is simply to use Google to search for your location.

Good luck!

I'm so sorry to hear this BB. Just my thoughts here but the fact that you know you have borrowed regulation to me sounds like you know what is the problem and by facing it and the pain and fear you are on the road out the other side.

I say from experience that some of my most painful moments came from seeing clearly what I had lost in my life, what I could not depend upon, and what I had to do to carry on. Looking at that led to looking at myself clearly, with compassion and shushing the negative voices. Slowly I came to realize I could depend on myself. Fear and pain became a feeling of freedom and trust in myself, however wobbly at first.

I hope this is helpful     

Hey Teddy Bear, not to worry about asking for feedback about experiences of psychosis and neuroleptics. As I mentioned in my response to another of your posts, psychosis can be comorbid with CPTSD, so it makes sense to ask about it here.

I'm afraid I haven't had any instances of psychosis, but I just want to let you know it's OK to ask.

Hi Teddy Bear and a warm welcome to Out of the Storm 

From what I've read CPTSD and psychosis often overlap (e.g., https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11496218/) although it's likely not all healthcare professionals know this. There is a tendency to discount childhood trauma, as though we should have just gotten over it, not realizing it's lasting impact.

I hope you're able to find a therapist who does understand this as it goes a long way to have validation and focused treatment.   

[Moving On After Trauma: A Guide for Survivors, Family and Friends]

Here's a book you might find useful EB. I haven't read it but it sounds good and got a 4.6/5 rating on GoodReads:

Moving On After Trauma: A Guide for Survivors, Family and Friends by Michael J. Scott

The effects of extreme trauma can continue to be emotionally devastating. Moving On After Trauma offers hope, providing survivors, family members and friends with a roadmap for managing emotional, relationship, physical and legal obstacles to recovery. Dr Scott details examples of the strategies used by twenty characters who have recovered and the survivor (with or without the help of a family member, friend or counsellor) is encouraged to identify with one or more of them and follow in their footsteps.

Hi and a warm welcome to Out of the Storm Ray 

Lots of great feedback for you and connection above which is part of what helps many survivors who come here. Members just get it so it feels safe and comforting.

I am one for whom healing/recovery means now having fewer and less intense triggers, knowing what my triggers are and what to do, being kind and compassionate with myself, shushing my Inner Critic, and connecting with others. I have looked straight on at some of the really painful things in my life (like your family's betrayal) and have let go of the need for my family to change, be the people I deserved/needed. They just can't/won't and chasing that is an exercise in futility and pain. Once I realized that, I let go of them and the wish/hope I'd been clinging to.  It was very painful but also freeing and over time I was less impacted by it, mainly because other things opened up in my life.

I don't know if this will help, but I hope so.    

I think NK and LBTV have captured what it is Saluki. I have found that I spiral less and less as I am able most times to interrupt a downward slide or spiral. Over Christmas I was triggered by something and could feel myself begin to spiral (everything adding up to a worsening EF), but I knew what to do and sure enough I was fine once I took action to stop the spiral. For me that involved talking with my H, going out with friends and my son who was here for Christmas. In the past I might have cancelled going out and stayed in my bedroom until it passed. So, for me connection with others is one very powerful tool.  It can be other things depending on the survivor though. 

Good grief Ran, a 2 year wait for therapy, that's completely unacceptable! I don't know about where you live but here in Canada many therapists treat according to a sliding scale, what you can reasonably pay. It might be something to check.

Good to hear you have a friend who is trying to help you bring out your inner child. That's what I worked on first and it made such a difference that young me had some fun and began to trust adult me to look out for her.

Hope you're able to get some therapy earlier than 2 years and in the meantime, let your inner child have some fun. It's a balm to the soul or so I found.

 

Hi Hannah, there is an article at our sister site Out of the FOG you might be able to draw on although it's more in the vein of talking about a parent with PD. There are some suggestions for age appropriate discussions too. See https://outofthefog.website/what-to-do-2/2015/12/5/talking-to-kids.  There are also other resources if you Google this topic.

Personally I talked to my son about my trauma over the years in an age appropriate way. I would then invite him to ask any questions he wanted. It may be hard for them to hear what you've been through, but at the same time it may help explain certain things that they know either consciously or sub-consciously.

As for them feeling the need to caretake, my son did not feel the need because I was open with him about what I was doing to get help myself - therapy, Out of the Storm, etc. TBH, I think he is a better physician and person because he does understand how people may be struggling and why.   

Finally, and again just my opinion here but I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing for children/youth to hear there are people in the world they need to step away from and that they can use boundaries to protect themselves. That's the reality of life albeit not how we as parents would like things to be. 

 

Hi and a very warm welcome to Out of the Storm Hannah    I'm so glad you decided to post and that it feels helpful to do so. I echo what Chart wrote about the aloneness disappearing or at least for many of us, decreasing once we realize so much of what we feel is common for others who have experienced abuse/neglect. I find it makes it more about what happened to us and less about us as being defective, weak or whatever negative things we come up with about ourselves.

I hope being here continues to help!

Kizzie

Here is my favourite:

It's kind of an anthem for Out of the Storm.

Hey LBTV, I really feel for you.  My own experience with my NM was quite similar but I did get over the guilt for the most part as I acknowledged what she had done to me and why it would be retraumatizing for me to go be with her even when she was in hospice. It's a truly difficult thing for humans to do, to not attend to someone in our family when they are ill and yet it leaves us resentful and feeling used so hard to know what to do. In the end I chose me and I'm glad I did. Had I re-engaged I would have been set way back in my recovery. I did not even go to her funeral because the thought of people saying how good she was made me feel sick inside. So I didn't go and I'm good with that.

When it comes to your Dad, I suspect there are ways you might be able to get him some help by contacting social services in their area and explaining what is going on. It's likely a form of elder abuse that your NM knows he is having difficulty but won't help him. I think/hope SS would take some action on his behalf.  It may even be that your NM would also get some help if she's willing to accept it that is. It's just a tough thing when parents age and will not look out for themselves but that's why SS has some ability to act.  Just a suggestion of course.

Hope there's something helpful in this. It is a hard place to be so