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Is it possible to ever fully recover? I am an eternal optimist (only way I have survived) I lived in robot mode until I had kids and wanted things to be different and teach them emotions ect and then secrets spilled out (only therapist know my history). I thought eventually after telling, I'd get to a point with no nightmares, hypervillance, anxiety and panic attacks. It has been almost 2 years. How long does this taken. Disclaimer I never processed anything before, I also never spoken about anything outloud-I write everything down, I choke on words. My diagnosis are anxiety, ptsd (chronic), OCD: jinxed and researching. Why can't I just make myself better?! I feel ridiculous, like this should be easier. So frustrated with myself

Hi.

I completely understand the feelings and associations leading to another to another and so on. I think the previous poster was correct in our mind trying to find validation in our fear, like a reassurance we aren't crazy. (I am in my rational mind at the moment and need to remember this during a panic attack) I am scared I'm going insane. Part of my life is wonderful and I don't want to lose it. I am keeping it together for the most part, but deeper into therapy I get i feel worse and more off balance than when i just ignored everything. I'm the strong stable one in my family and group of friends and at work. I'm starting to slip and lag on tasks and other things that need to get done. I also have ADHD. For the first time in my life i am literally walking in circles some days. The world doesn't stop for us to process and it sucks. But if that happened I think I would lose it completely.

I hate unsought attention. I used to be able to talk to anyone and have made great friendships on busses and traveling. I can't do that anymore. Although I am hypervelligent I am scared i will miss something because oh look a squirrel or f**k a random flash back. I wish I had better answers for you. I do not think you are crazy though

Happy belated birthday. I completely understand where you are coming from. Somedays I want to shout everything out loud. When in actually i have never spoken about any of it outloud and only my therapy team even knows. Took me two years and I was about to write bits out in a brain dump. So I write and sometimes don't have to speak at all during sessions. I love writing. However there words that make me feel jinxed so I can't write or think them with a compulsive act following. So my whole life I have guarded and kept eveything burried. Just now force to deal with it as my symptoms are getting out of control. Totally forgot
Where I was going with this. I also have ADHD. Sorry.   

Being traumatized is a subjective experience, unique to each person. Just because others may have more graphic stories doesn't mean your pain isn't real.  Psychological abuse/neglect can be very traumatizing. Children are dependent on loving, healthy and involved caregivers for normal, natural development. If you didn't experience that, damage was unavoidable.

Although your history will always remain your history, you can rise above it and recover! There are many exciting new discoveries and therapies being developed. This is NOT a life sentence.

We welcome you with open arms! You have found a group of people who can understand it, have lived it, have found or are finding their personal answers.

im new as well and so confused about a lot but three roses just made me feel l hopeful and I don't know how but thank you. Catina pocket welcome and I hope you find the support you deserve here.

Thank you all for your responses and the time you took to write them. I never thought about changing  my view on being cured. That is interesting. I also like stay with my process. As a perfectionist and used to copying others behavior so i would fit in I think I'm lost as I don't know the normal way to feel or respond or where I am supposed to be in the process. These ideas I think I can connect too

I am scared i jumped way in looking for a
Quick fix when I can't even stand myself or fully understand things that have happened. T has gone over not my fault blah blah. I am frusterded on how she can't see that it is. If she uses the words survivor, victim, trauma l get so angry and shut down. Then I have to either compulsively write the word down or think it until it feels ok. Or research something until I pass out.  Maybe I am in denial still. I think if the evidence was ever shown directly to me I'd still feel like who is that. Even though logical mind knows what has happened and there is evidence. I did destroy Some....

I love to journal but I am scared of certain words. Some i can't think about with out feeling jinx. Like is this normal? Or being stuck in a memory and just hiding because i don't want people to know and sometimes I lose track of what is happening now and what is a memory. I feel so insane.


Ps. Wow I didn't think I'd come back but i did and you were here. Torn between a ok this may not be so bad and throwing my phone out the window bc I'm scared of connections I guess ( not sure about the whole marriage thing-not normal but a different story and I don't fully understand that one either)

Thank you. It kinda feels strange but in a way oddly nice to have others that understand.....not just my therapy team.

Although the fact that some people are here for the same reasons I am or for being harm in anyway makes me so angry and want to throw up. But when I think of myself and reasons, I'm not mad I'm more eh that stinks/ignore/shut down. I would like to think I can truly ignore. But I guess my awkwardness and behaviors aren't normal. So I'm starting to understand on some level I am affected. Ahh the moments even fleeting ones of the logical mind.

I tried emdr it did not end well and I was able to stop that. I am open to anything that may help. I'm working on mindfulliness. But I feel like i get more trapped in flashes backs. I don't understand how that works.

Sorry for word vomit heh I think my therapist would get a kick out that the fact I have used a lot of words.

I'm wondering if I get rid of cptsd if all other diagnosis/symptoms? Will go away.

I guess this is my intro post. I don't have much to say. I'm here for the same reasons you are all here and it breaks my heart that anyone else has c-ptsd.

I have been in denial for years. Ok still am. Well more like in a robot mode as my therapist calls it. I never knew anything different and thought flashbacks, triggers ect was normal. So I knew to dealing and processing a lot. Which sucks. Range of emotions is new to me.

Also only my therapy team knows about my past. This is becoming tricky as relationships are surfaced and this includes the one I have with my husband and rest of my family. I am amazing at ignoring and isolating. I am also diagnosed with ADHD and OCD symptoms. Which my team thinks has made me able to easily go into robot mode my whole life. Oh and I haven't said my story outloud. Just written out which my therapist is fine with for now. I know someday I have to say things out loud and I physically can't.

Ummm I'm not sure where I am in healing. I'm frustrated because I feel like I take 2 steps forward and 3 million backwards. I am still very much detached.....blame myself and feel shameful and guilty. My logical mind is smart and strong but so very quiet I can't offer hear it over the screaming of the other meaner, scarier parts.

I do feel frustration that I can't control my own mind and just fix my self! I don't want to have nightmares or flashbacks of triggers and I try to face my fears and hate that this sends me backwards. I want a boring life with simple adventures and to feel safe. So this is my first post and half admittance that I am not who I present to the world. I'm not calm cool and collected. Well in emergencies I am. But looking at me I know people would never guess including my husband. I probably sound really nuts but I'm really just awkward.

The one question I have that I can't find the answer to, is can you become fully healed from c-ptsd.