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How do you go forward in a trusting relationship with a partner, without ignoring that with any romantic relationship there is potential for abuse?

The last time I was serious about someone, years and years ago, that person was my abuser. Now I'm trying to be in a relationship again, but I keep creating fake red flags as an excuse to run, run, run. I'm wondering if I can ever be in love again, without constantly being terrified of what my partner might do (while consciously recognizing that this man is NOTHING like my abuser).

Any advice appreciated.

Hi everyone, I am new to this forum and grateful to have discovered it!

I was diagnosed with C-PTSD following an abusive relationship that ended about 4 years ago. Even though it has been 4 years, I still think about my abuser and his actions everyday and have struggled off and on with many of those bonuses that come with abusive relationships: self loathing, depression, anxiety, some days complete paralysis. I saw a terrific PTSD counselor for the first year after the relationship ended and she was wonderful and helped me get my life back (I started leaving my apartment again, got a new job, got it together enough to move to a new city). Unfortunately I haven't had insurance that includes mental health coverage for a while. I was ok for a few years and I was even starting to feel happy again, but now I'm slipping back into those hopeless feelings again. I think, partly because I am in the first good relationship I've had since the abuse and I'm terrified of how vulnerable that makes me.

I feel like I don't have anyone to talk to as most of my close friends don't understand C-PTSD and I don't have the energy to convince people, or to describe the abuse, even though time has passed. I have searched and searched for support groups in my area but can't find any that are affordable. I'm so glad to have found this forum, have started to read through it, and honestly have cried A LOT to see that there are other people who share my story.

Looking forward to learning from you all, thank you!