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Thanks guys!!! I think I was jumping the gun a bit lol . I guess low self-esteem is a big thing with C-PTSD and isolation, I realise my trust issues and sensitivity comes from being abused and I watch out for that. And my shame and low self-esteem are all the voices from the past.

Lol Dee ! You're so right!! I always google symptoms and freak when I have a cold, this is the same thing haha . I think i have worried that i have like 4 different mental health issues/personality disorders since developing PTSD. 

Awesome, thanks for the book quote!! I think it's just a combo of my inner critic and my PTSD scanning for danger. I don't massively avoid things, just more isolated or widthrawy when I'm feeling stressed or whatever. I don't think I have this disorder lol, think I was just panicking about it and recognised some symptoms - I mean don't most people with C-PTSD have low self-esteem and struggle with intimacy? No *, why wouldn't we? At least it's workable and we can overcome it .

Hi everyone! I often feel a deep sense of shame or like I'm vulnerable to rejection and i'm waiting to be criticised or rejected, this leads me to be slightly inhibited with people: often my automatic thought is "that person hates me", which drives me crazy because i KNOW people don't, it's only that I FEEL that way... it drives me crazy, the low self-esteem is quite intense a lot of the time, but i know at heart I'm a good person and that people like me, but why don't I feel it? I have good days and up days, where I feel better but my low self-esteem feels quite pervasive. I don't avoid making friends or socialising or whatever, but i definitely avoid intimacy and getting too close unless i'm in the right mood or feeling confident that day.

This low self-esteem and preoccupation with not feeling good enough and expecting rejection is really debilitating.

Recently I accidentally read about Avoidant Personality Disorder:


According to the American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), a person diagnosed with avoidant personality disorder needs to show at least four of the following criteria:
Avoids occupational activities that involve significant interpersonal contact, because of fears of criticism, disapproval, or rejection.
Is unwilling to get involved with people unless they are certain of being liked.
Shows restraint within intimate relationships because of the fear of being shamed or ridiculed.
Is preoccupied with being criticized or rejected in social situations.
Is inhibited in new interpersonal situations because of feelings of inadequacy.
Views self as socially inept, personally unappealing, or inferior to others.
Is unusually reluctant to take personal risks or to engage in any new activities because they may prove embarrassing.


Does anyone else relate to this? I don;t think I necessarily tick every box or that I'm extreme, but i;m definitely sensitive to rejection or teasing (thanks to abuse) and feel like people won't like me or take things to mean people don't like me even though i know its irrational, and I try to avoid too much intimacy unless i know that someone can be trusted and that person isn't triggering me. Is this common CPTSD stuff?

Thanks guys  

Hello everyone,

I've had C-PTSD for maybe 8 months or so. Recently, I've started getting bad anxiety and panic attacks. They normally happen when I don't feel safe. But I get really worried I'm going crazy. Like I'll feel so * scared out in public and around people, my mind races like "what if someone harms me?".

My mind seems to make 'creepy' associations, that really upset me and make me worry if I am crazy and make me feel scared of my own mind . I worry about how dark it feels. I'm on holiday at the moment and I saw a guy on the beach put his finger to his mouth, and it reminded me of something a serial killer from a film would do. I then started get panicky like "why am I thinking such a horrible thought?' "this is something someone who is crazy would think" "do I think he's a serial killer?!" (am I crazy?) (it just kept escalating) and then I thought 'no I don't think so - but why is he doing that?!" Then my mind was just got flooded with fear and I felt such a panic and a need to run.

Strangers just make me feel so panicky and frightened sometimes - I feel like a visceral sense of fear around them and I wonder if they are safe, and sometimes this builds up into a panic attack. Other times I'm absolutely fine and I KNOW people are harmless. But my panic gets triggered when I have 'creepy' thoughts and associations coz I'm terrified it's a sign I am going crazy and then I feel frightened of people an hyper-vigilant, even on a rational level I know they can't hurt me - why do I feel so f*cking terrified around strangers and in new places? And then why does my mind sometimes think weird, creepy things?

I just feel flooded with fear, I'm so scared that I'm going crazy. I just feel hyper alert and like I might be harmed, frightened of people and like they aren't safe, but I kind of know it's irrational. This makes me so terrified that I am bat * crazy and having paranoid episodes.

I just find it so upsetting to not be in control of my mind - everything feels and looks creepy, frightening and ominous. And I just freak out that I am developing schizophrenia.

This panic mostly arose from serious jet lag and a very intense flashback (or something)/half nightmare where I felt like seriously in danger and like someone was harming me, when I was half asleep in bed, this then went into a full blown panic attack.

Please help, does anyone relate to this?

I'm frightened of what is in my own mind and the darkness, I hate the panic, I hate the terror, I hate feeling like people might harm me and I'm so worried that this means I am developing schizophrenia. When I calm down a bit, I know it's irrational but when the weird panicky thoughts start popping up - I just worry it's paranoia and I feel so panicked and scared.

Also, I don't get it, like I felt hurt a lot before the panic and depressed and out of control sometimes, but I didn't feel f*cking frightened all the time. Ugh, where is this all coming from?

It's weird though coz sometimes I feel fine, but I hate how creepy and frightening and mind and the world can look sometimes.

Please can someone help ? I had a panic attack about two hours ago so still quite panicked and freaked out (and sorry for any typos !).

Hi Everyone!

I have been using CBT for anxiety for a year, before I realized I had C-PTSD (where was still in an abusive environment). With CBT, you are not supposed to think about your negative thoughts, you are meant to refute them and distract yourself.

I replay the abusive things my family and ex have said to me, last night I felt really stressed out from it: I got into bed to sleep and felt very chilled out and happy then I replayed all the abusive crap for two hours, then started to think about sexual abuse as well: I got so stressed and frazzled from it but felt like I couldn't stop. I don't know if I am supposed to stop or what to do with these thoughts? Am I making it worse thinking about it? I feel like I need a clear system to help me deal with all these thoughts.

Please could someone help? What do you do with these thoughts? How do you help lessen the traumatic feelings? What kind of things help you all?

And do any of you have like a routine or some kind of systematic way of dealing with this?  I guess CBT has been so helpful for me with anxiety and I like having some kind of system or structure. It's been better in the day, as I have been using Pete Walker's ideas, where you acknowledge you're having an emotional flashback, refute the thoughts and I write them down or say them out loud, to break the cycle.

I guess I want to find a way to lessen the intensity of all this and I don't know how to do it...

... making a note of your own kindness and good actions is a great way of countering the self-hate, shame and criticism

Exactly!  I remember the exact moment when I knew I was really in recovery.  My NM was trying to make me feel badly and I shouted at her that I was not a bad daughter, that I was a good and decent person and walked out.  It's not always easy to get the critical side to calm down but I go to that memory and it really helps. 

So with respect to paying it forward - I would have to say that I pay the compassion I have received and learned in recovery forward to others here and in daily life. 

I think that a blog about the kindness of self and others would be a great way of paying it forward Wildfire 

Aw that story is wonderful   ! Awesome, you do such a great job sharing your kindness and insights for all of us here ! I'm always thankful for how trauma didn't make my heart hard but drove me to develop more kindness and compassion, I think the same could be said of  you ^^.

^^ I want to start a blog, I write anyway but I really want to do something to really help people.

aw, I'm glad you guys like the idea

I really relate to that Jewel. A big motivator for me is also to not let my abusers win. My ex boyfriend told me he hoped I would *, and ironically, this motivates me intensely in sticking around.
Well done for sticking in and fighting through. You do deserve to live, and find that happier tomorrow <3

My ex said that too . * them and their distorted mindsets. I'm new here, it's so validating just reading other people's posts.

I find meditating, like writing, helps to clear the fog and moves you from the emotional right brain, back to the left.

Love your examples ! Such a great thread idea.

I'm quite compassionate so I always try to be as kind as possible and go out of my way to help others, unless I am in an emotional '* everyone' flashback. I find it generally helps build positive relationships with others and others hold you in high regard...kind of like a basic karma thing. It's funny, I recently went back to the house where I lived with my * ex, and the new housemate was complaining about how inconsiderate he was and was saying how our old housemate really missed me and how I helped keep ex inline and pushed him to consider others. The new guy couldn't stand ex, whereas he said I was 'such a sweetheart' and we still chat today. It made me think about the contrast of how treating people with kindness and respect v being a general inconsiderate, selfish mofo, will lead to very different relationships and outcomes.

My friends really helped me after ex went psycho for the last time: I was super upset and they let me stay at their place rent free for a couple of months, cooked me food, hung out with me and were just generally there for me .

I think making a note of other's kindness is great for dealing with the mistrust and outer critic that come with C-PTSD and making a note of your own kindness and good actions is a great way of countering the self-hate, shame and criticism . I want to write a blog post on this topic!