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Hello...and while I would like to say congrats on your diagnosis I fear you may take it the wrong way. But your story sounds a little like mine. I was diagnosed about 3yrs ago, finally, after 25yrs of being labeled an alcoholic. I had many periods of sobriety, 1yr here, 2yrs there. Periods of social drinking. Then lots of heavy drinking. But when I was sober my brain was crazy, things did most certainly not feel better. I finally put myself in the hospital with a suicide attempt and demanded someone find out what was wrong with me and do not tell me again that I am an alcoholic or next time I won't call 911. And with that...I finally got someone to listen to me. Actually hear what was going on beyond the drinking.

My diagnosis saved my life. Started me on a path of healing and realization of things that I had pushed very far away. I have discovered that I really never stood a chance to turn out any different , and as a matter of fact, I really could have turned out a lot worse. I found 2 therapists that I trusts completely, which is huge, because we trust no one. And I take my meds. And like you, I no longer drink, but because I no longer need to. My head is so much more quiet. Still pretty chatty, but no more squirrel on the wheel 24hrs a day.

So when I say congratulations on your diagnosis, I really mean it. Hopefully this is the beginning of a new life for you as well.

Peace.

Jewel, you just spoke the words that are in my mind and on the tip of my tongue every day. C-PTSD is a very frustrating affliction of which there are no words to express how every single aspect of my life on every single day, every single thought that I have is altered by this disorder. Thank you for your words.

Peace.

Thanks Kizzlefor the information! I will definitely give this to my H. He definitely has a difficult time understanding what is going on. He is very loving and kind so that goes a long way for sure but sometimes will say just the very worst thing.  😠As far as my family...no. They would have no interest. Best of luck with your NPDM this weekend. It is challenging to keep the triggers at bay and remember "where" you are in time and space and not get sucked back in, as you said, to another time. I have to tell myself all day that I don't have to let these people on my bus anymore. I am in control of my life, and who gets on my bus and where my bus goes...and doesn't go. Wow...go figure.

Peace.

Hello. Thanks for your response. Returned last Wed from my sons' graduation and my wedding. Everything logistically went well. Was emotionally exhausting. Was able to meet with my therapist the following day which helped a lot. Was able to release a lot  of the emotion that I had been holding in and sort thru some of the reasons behind all of it. So in answer to your question...yes I do have real life support, especially in the way of a therapist. Family....eh...not really. My kids are amazing and we are very close. But my family, mother, father, brothers etc, are not. Lots of disconnect and denial as to what actually "happened" in the past. I am the only one would has ever pursued therapy. They do not acknowledge PTSD, as far as they are concerned I am an alcoholic who blames my mother for my mistakes. Pretty simplistic way of looking at things and I am done trying to explain myself. I am only responsible for me. Saying that and implementing that into my life are 2 entirely different things however.

Again, thanks for your interest.

Peace

Hello. I struggle with this a lot also. A lot of "I'm 49 and I have nothing to show for it" type stuff. When I am feeling this way I have to think of my 2 sons, they are 23 and 20 and in spite of what a mess I am they are beautifully making their way in this world and talk to me every day. I often wonder where they came from and have difficulty giving myself any credit for how they turned out. I think I am so grateful they aren't damaged. I think it is sad that "we" cannot see the purpose and meaning in our lives after surviving the turmoil of each of our pasts. I include myself in this. 😟

Peace.

Hello "trying",

I'm very happy that you have a diagnosis...not sure if you said you are or not. I completely relate to you relationship trials. They can be exhilarating and devastating in the same moment. My best piece of advice is this. Find a therapist you trust and understands you and stick with it. It will change your life. Trying to navigate on your own without any tools can be very difficult.

Peace

Hello all. So glad to find some folks whose brains twist and turn the way mine does. This type of forum is difficult...or interesting, for me as I am not one to tell my life story ... at least not to a blank screen. But I would give anything to have an actual conversation with a person who has experience coping with cptsd. Someone who truly understands what a day looks like, feels like. Those days when the anxiety and fear are so overwhelming that getting out of bed is rough.  Days when the anger and aggression come at times even I don't expect it.

I was diagnosed 3yrs ago, finally, after 25yrs of being labeled an alcohoiic. Sobriety was the key everyone said. But for me it was the enemy. But for my family...as long as I was sober, well then, I must be doing great. I'm sure I am not the only one who has had this experience. Anyway, I have a terrific therapist and I do very well for periods of time. But then I can not do so well...rather quickly. Triggers triggers triggers. And I can't identify them, always. Insidious they are. And before you know it I'm isolating and rageful. My fiance has no clue. His answer is "let it go", or "write it down and throw it away". So consequently I isolate and he wonders what is going on.

I am headed to NM for my son's college graduation and to get married to this wonderful yet clueless man. I am so stressed out. What if they don't have fun? What if Miles and Steve don't get along? What if it rains....what if I'm not pretty in my pictures...what if Miles isn't happy to see me...what if my ex is an jerk....what if Steve is making a mistake...it is all my fault no matter what happens. This is the reel that is playing in my head. Good times. Logically I know this is not true and hat I have no control over any of these things, I'm not that impotant.

Anyway, that's me in a nutshell...today anyhow. Tomorrow I may be in a different place altogether.

Thanks for listening.
Peace.