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Thanks, everyone for your responses! I'm so touched. I thought there might be a way to respond to comments individually, but maybe not? So much of what has been said resonates with me... especially the point about how we can't believe everything we think... especially when in "flashback." It IS like seeing things through a creepy funhouse mirror! So weird and scary.

I have a therapist who's somewhat helpful though I'm struggling to find a doctor who is willing/able to prescribe medications that could help short-term, which is frustrating. Not that I think meds are a long-term solution... but I just wish I could get back to being semi-functional (as in able to get out of bed or leave the house!). My nightmares and night terrors are slowly getting better though, so I'm hopeful! Glad to have found a place where other people understand what this is like - it's a relief to be understood... and not blamed for being the way I am.

Hello everyone,

I just joined because I recently came to terms with the fact that I suffer from C-PTSD. I just finished Pete Walker's book - so helpful. But I'm about 1 month in from a sort of "re-traumatizing" experience... (someone breaking up with me... which was traumatic because I finally trusted someone after a lifetime of not being able to be in romantic relationship)... which put me into non-stop panic/shock/horror/nightmare (flashback) I can't wake up from. At first I called them "panic attacks" but from what I know those last only a few minutes and mine can go on for hours and days (and in this case the sheer terror/panic has only let up for hours at a time in the past month). Finally a good friend explained how these could be flashbacks and I realized C-PTSD explains everything.

While it's so good to know what's going on... such a relief... I'm not just "crazy" in a way I have to hide anymore... I am so frustrated and scared that this terror won't stop. It feels like descending into madness. I know I'm going to be in "recovery" for... the rest of my life probably, but I don't even know how to start or how I'm going to live and function when the panic doesn't ever end. I have new therapist who does EMDR so I'm hoping that might help. But I've had to quit my job because of the panic and while I'm trying to tell myself this is a gradual process and I have to be gentle with myself... it's so hard. It's so scary. In the midst of the panics I just can't believe there's not a solution or cure... or just a medication to ease the utter terror and pain. If anyone was in this much physical pain they'd be rushed to the hospital and get so much attention and care and empathy and support... but I can live in a screaming agony for a month... and no one understands. There's nothing to be done it seems and that's agony.

I try to look at the 13 steps when I'm in the worst flashbacks but it doesn't seem to help much. Talking to friends can help at times, especially if it triggers crying... but after a month... patience wears thin and they have their own lives... I can't have someone talk to me or be with me 24/7. And they don't know what to do or say to help and I don't want to make them so sick of me that they'll cut off. And now that I can't work or leave the house... I'm so scared the isolation is going to make me worse and I'll totally lose my mind. Sometimes in the worst of it I wish I COULD check into a psych ward or something. But when I "snap out" of the flashback a little I can kind of be my normal self and get along. It's like being 2 totally different people! But the flashback always comes back... especially as soon as I drift off to sleep. That's one of the most frustrating parts! Even when I get to the point of feeling good at night... I guess my dreams trigger me into total panic and I awake in complete flashback mode. Which is worse than the dreams... so I try to go back to sleep and it's this awful cycle of sleeping and waking horror that I can't get out of for hours. It's an agonized existence.

I don't know if I'm doing this posting thing right, I've never done this sort of thing before. Just looking for some empathy I guess and maybe any suggestions or reassurance that... this awful acute phase of panic will end? I feel like if I could just get out of being 90% in flashback I could... slowly take steps to get better. It's so hard to be stuck in this place.