Hi All, I am Mia. I am new here. I only have a few minutes before I head out the door to run errands. I thought about waiting to post my intro until I had more time to collect my thoughts; however, I have lived in my head and collected my thoughts for 62 years. I was truly struck but just reading a few of the posts from the introductory page -- some of you were writing my internal thoughts on your computers.
My hubby is waiting on me so no there is no time to write a novella. I can say this brief synopsis. I was raised in an affluent family but there was severe neglect with a busy career-focused dad and a mom that was busy being pretty. So, basically, I was intelligent but not all that pretty so I wasn't a good play-thing for her; therefore, I had no intrinsic value. I spent my life trying to be perfect. Perfect grades, perfect attendance, law school, et cetera. Nothing would ever gain love from someone incapable of giving love.
I married someone very similar to my mom and was married to him for a long time. He and I had a daughter who is very similar to him. I ultimately left that relationship.
By the time that I left these relationships, I was just absolutely spent and had zero self-esteem.
It doesn't seem to matter how many books I read or counselors I talk to that tell me about the neglect and abuse and this and that -- I just feel like I am so ground down that I will never be able to truly believe in myself. Yes, I have PTSD and C-PTSD. Yes, I have done counseling and EMDR. Yes, I know that it isn't my fault.
However, I have also had a hard time finding therapists that really understand and/or care and/or are truly empathetic to someone that was neglected. They seem to understand abuse as-in what happened to you but that is so tangible. I can sit there all day long and say nothing happened to me, per se. That's the problem, nothing happened to me. They seem to have a difficult time in identifying neglect. How do you do EMDR for neglect? What do you target?
Anyway, I have blathered on and hopefully not sounded like an idiot. Just glad to have found a place to feel understood. Thank you for listening.
My hubby is waiting on me so no there is no time to write a novella. I can say this brief synopsis. I was raised in an affluent family but there was severe neglect with a busy career-focused dad and a mom that was busy being pretty. So, basically, I was intelligent but not all that pretty so I wasn't a good play-thing for her; therefore, I had no intrinsic value. I spent my life trying to be perfect. Perfect grades, perfect attendance, law school, et cetera. Nothing would ever gain love from someone incapable of giving love.
I married someone very similar to my mom and was married to him for a long time. He and I had a daughter who is very similar to him. I ultimately left that relationship.
By the time that I left these relationships, I was just absolutely spent and had zero self-esteem.
It doesn't seem to matter how many books I read or counselors I talk to that tell me about the neglect and abuse and this and that -- I just feel like I am so ground down that I will never be able to truly believe in myself. Yes, I have PTSD and C-PTSD. Yes, I have done counseling and EMDR. Yes, I know that it isn't my fault.
However, I have also had a hard time finding therapists that really understand and/or care and/or are truly empathetic to someone that was neglected. They seem to understand abuse as-in what happened to you but that is so tangible. I can sit there all day long and say nothing happened to me, per se. That's the problem, nothing happened to me. They seem to have a difficult time in identifying neglect. How do you do EMDR for neglect? What do you target?
Anyway, I have blathered on and hopefully not sounded like an idiot. Just glad to have found a place to feel understood. Thank you for listening.