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I imagine few people here understand Italian, but I would like to suggest a song by a Sicilian songwriter, Franco Battiato, performed in this case by Alice, a singer who is a friend of his. Battiato was an unusual figure in Italian music: he started out with progressive rock and then, after an existential crisis, became very interested in Orthodox Christianity, Sufism, and Eastern philosophy. I tried to have the text translated by Google Gemini, I hope it is understandable. It seems to touch on important points, such as the masks we wear in life and moments of despair:

We have weathered so many storms
And so many ancient and harsh trials
And a clear help from an invisible caress
Of a guardian

Worthy is the life of one who is awake (or: vigilant)
But even more so of one who becomes wise
And then reunites with His joy
Praise be, Praise to the Unviolated
Praise to the Unviolated

And how many useless characters I have worn (or: put on)
I, and my self, how many have endured
Arid is *
Barren is its path

How many miracles, designs, and inspirations
And then the suffering that makes you blind
In the falls there is the reason for His absence (or: the reason why He is absent)
The clouds cannot annihilate the Sun

And he knew it well... Paganini
That the devil is left-handed, and subtle
And plays the violin

https://youtu.be/mkRf4Il605s?si=ZncK3SVZS0wjwICx

Thank you. My psychotherapist specializes in trauma, with training in certain techniques (particularly Mindfulness and EMDR). The problem here is the psychiatrists who are supposed to manage the pharmacological side: many are not particularly aware of the nature of post-traumatic problems. Just today I discovered that there is an association in Milan that deals with trauma, but I think it's the only one at the moment.

(As for the English: I'm getting help from DeepL, my brain is too tired to produce anything comprehensible.)

Thanks again for the welcome.

Hello everyone,
I am writing from Italy and my English is rather rusty, so I hope I can express myself clearly.
I have suffered greatly psychologically since childhood, which led to a rather extreme crisis in early adulthood. Unfortunately, none of the psychiatrists and therapists listened to me, so all the therapies were ineffective. This lack of listening and inadequate care caused further trauma, partly because some of them did not behave professionally. In particular, the public health service, which was supposed to provide free therapy, refused to take care of me and forced me to see a Kleinian psychoanalyst of their choice. The result was terrible, and the situation worsened when the psychoanalyst violated professional confidentiality to pressure a psychiatrist, through a third party, not to treat me. This event left me not only discouraged by the ineffectiveness of the treatment, but also frightened by the malicious intentions of some professionals. For several years now, I have been seeing another therapist, who immediately recognized the post-traumatic nature of my problems, but the psychiatrist who was treating me at the same time did not take this into account (he diagnosed me with type II bipolar disorder). Today, I am looking for a new psychiatrist. Unfortunately, it seems that psychiatrists specifically trained in C-PTSD are quite rare, at least in my country. Twenty-four years have passed since the problems became so severe that they prevented me from living a normal life, and today I am terrified about the future. As for the past, I oscillate between moments of extreme depression and others of great suffering and anger, with frequent flashbacks.

I am really afraid, and I have many regrets (would things have been different if someone had understood the nature of my problems right away?). And I am very lonely, with no contact with anyone who may have had experiences similar to mine. I don't know if writing in a "global" forum will help me, but it's all I can do for now.

I may return to the nature of my traumas, especially those from childhood, at another time. For now, thank you for your hospitality.