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Welcome, pelicantown.
I also went through a phase years ago where I pushed away people who were close to me. I was living in a state of extreme suffering, and it felt like they, with their more 'normal' lives, couldn't possibly understand. We never spoke about the true nature of my pain, perhaps partly due to my own sense of privacy. Recently, however, I reconnected with those people, and I was surprised to find that, in some way, they had been waiting for me. It was easier to share my story after that long interval than it had ever been before. On the other hand, someone else I had met in the meantime—who I thought could understand me—suddenly pulled away for a year. That was very painful for me, but they eventually returned as well, and we reached an understanding.
What I want to say is this: I don't know your specific situation or context, but it is normal when carrying the weight of trauma, or an illness, to go through phases where you can no longer communicate with others. There is nothing wrong with that. Relationships can sometimes be recovered even after years. Other times they aren't, I imagine. But the fact that things aren't linear or predictable doesn't always lead to a catastrophe.
I hope you can soon find people you feel a connection with, even if it's not immediate, and even if we can't show our pain to everyone right away. I hope I don't sound paternalistic with this message; it's just an experience I've been through myself, and I wanted to share with you how it has been going for me.

Sure, thank you. I'm more than happy to accept a virtual hug.

Thank you both, TheBigBlue and NarcKiddo. I really appreciate your support and for being there for me.
I would like to share more, but perhaps now isn't the best time. As I mentioned, it was a revelation, but not the kind that makes things simple—at least not immediately. I want to talk more about it, partly because what I've discovered about my biological issues—which likely amplified the negative effects of my trauma perfectly—might be helpful to others as well. However, I don't think I have the mental clarity yet to explain it in an organized way. I wouldn't even know which sections of the forum to post in. But I can tell you that neuroinflammation is a central aspect of my problems.

I hope to feel better soon and return here with more calm. Right now, I also realize I am too focused on my own situation to truly look out for others, and the people who write here deserve an attention and closeness that I probably cannot give today.

My heartfelt thanks to you both, see you soon.

TW

I want to thank everyone who responded, but a lot has happened since I last logged into this site. A series of tests I underwent on my own initiative, based on data from many years ago, led me to discover a significant metabolic component of genetic origin behind my issues. It was a revelation, but I was still too fragile to handle it; I had an explosion of emotional dysregulation and ended up in the emergency room for the first time in my life (my mother was frightened and called emergency services).

This triggered many other problems, but in the meantime, a new psychiatrist has agreed to reduce my medication, and I am feeling better. I am taking supplements for the metabolic issue, though the psychiatrist is proceeding with great caution, so the treatment isn't optimal yet. The doctors who saw me when I was very young never asked about my history, so they overlooked the traumatic aspects, and for twenty-five years they failed to perform relatively simple diagnostic tests.

I know now that nothing that happened was my fault, but I have ended up on the radar of social services and I will have to face another massive trauma: I have almost certainly lost twenty-five years of my life to a problem that could have been identified with simple blood tests and resolved with supplements. On one hand, I feel extremely weak; on the other, I am doing better. However, I don't know what my future holds, nor if I will ever find someone in real life capable of understanding my experience and my pain, and of staying by my side.

I'm new here too, but I'd like to welcome you, Dochartaigh.

Thanks, the article seems very interesting.

Thank you for sharing your stories.

It seems that, although not in the same way for everyone, the skin often reacts to stress in general, and to the reactivation of traumatic memories in particular.

Over the past few years, I've read several articles on the role of inflammation in mental health issues (starting with Professor Bullmore's book "The Inflamed Mind"). Many of these articles identify "early life adversities" as factors that predispose to an excessive inflammatory response. In my particular case, also considering the pathologies of other members of my family, I believe there is a correlation between the mental and dermatological aspects, and intestinal inflammation. I'm trying to understand more so that I can seek help from my new psychiatrist based on solid data.

In fact, I'm not even sure whether rapid-onset dermatitis and psoriasis are two aspects of the same problem, or whether they're two separate issues. The former happens to me more frequently, the latter is more related to lithium intake. I know there are UV treatments, but in my case, dermatologists have always prescribed corticosteroid creams. (By the way, I've been taking lithium again for a few weeks now; I hope it doesn't reactivate my psoriasis.) The correlation between inflammation and mental health problems has been the subject of much research for a few years now, but I don't recall any studies on dermatological issues.

Yes, I understand you, I also need topical corticosteroid medications. The strange thing is that sometimes this type of dermatological inflammation "flares up" as quickly as a person blushes.
One factor that increases the risk of psoriasis is lithium intake, which is unfortunate because that particular drug could have positive effects in cases of C-PTSD.

Over the years, I have had skin problems (dermatitis, psoriasis) that worsened during times of stress. There is certainly a genetic predisposition (but I was the first in my family to develop psoriasis), but I am fairly certain that the reactivation of trauma is a determining factor. One thing that happens to me is that, in the presence of negative or emotionally intense stress, some areas of my skin suddenly become inflamed within seconds, sometimes even bleeding.

The strangest episode was when I tried to read a collection of lectures by John Bowlby: I found what I was reading very interesting, but the skin on my forearm became so inflamed that it hurt. I would like to ask if any of you have ever experienced such sudden and intense inflammatory reactions.

Thank you all for your kindness.
Many people probably suffer from the consequences of trauma, but it is not something that is easily discussed in everyday life, partly because shame plays a big role. Perhaps self-help groups for C-PTSD would be helpful, but I have not found any in my area. I am grateful to those who created this site.

I imagine few people here understand Italian, but I would like to suggest a song by a Sicilian songwriter, Franco Battiato, performed in this case by Alice, a singer who is a friend of his. Battiato was an unusual figure in Italian music: he started out with progressive rock and then, after an existential crisis, became very interested in Orthodox Christianity, Sufism, and Eastern philosophy. I tried to have the text translated by Google Gemini, I hope it is understandable. It seems to touch on important points, such as the masks we wear in life and moments of despair:

We have weathered so many storms
And so many ancient and harsh trials
And a clear help from an invisible caress
Of a guardian

Worthy is the life of one who is awake (or: vigilant)
But even more so of one who becomes wise
And then reunites with His joy
Praise be, Praise to the Unviolated
Praise to the Unviolated

And how many useless characters I have worn (or: put on)
I, and my self, how many have endured
Arid is *
Barren is its path

How many miracles, designs, and inspirations
And then the suffering that makes you blind
In the falls there is the reason for His absence (or: the reason why He is absent)
The clouds cannot annihilate the Sun

And he knew it well... Paganini
That the devil is left-handed, and subtle
And plays the violin

https://youtu.be/mkRf4Il605s?si=ZncK3SVZS0wjwICx

Thank you. My psychotherapist specializes in trauma, with training in certain techniques (particularly Mindfulness and EMDR). The problem here is the psychiatrists who are supposed to manage the pharmacological side: many are not particularly aware of the nature of post-traumatic problems. Just today I discovered that there is an association in Milan that deals with trauma, but I think it's the only one at the moment.

(As for the English: I'm getting help from DeepL, my brain is too tired to produce anything comprehensible.)

Thanks again for the welcome.

Hello everyone,
I am writing from Italy and my English is rather rusty, so I hope I can express myself clearly.
I have suffered greatly psychologically since childhood, which led to a rather extreme crisis in early adulthood. Unfortunately, none of the psychiatrists and therapists listened to me, so all the therapies were ineffective. This lack of listening and inadequate care caused further trauma, partly because some of them did not behave professionally. In particular, the public health service, which was supposed to provide free therapy, refused to take care of me and forced me to see a Kleinian psychoanalyst of their choice. The result was terrible, and the situation worsened when the psychoanalyst violated professional confidentiality to pressure a psychiatrist, through a third party, not to treat me. This event left me not only discouraged by the ineffectiveness of the treatment, but also frightened by the malicious intentions of some professionals. For several years now, I have been seeing another therapist, who immediately recognized the post-traumatic nature of my problems, but the psychiatrist who was treating me at the same time did not take this into account (he diagnosed me with type II bipolar disorder). Today, I am looking for a new psychiatrist. Unfortunately, it seems that psychiatrists specifically trained in C-PTSD are quite rare, at least in my country. Twenty-four years have passed since the problems became so severe that they prevented me from living a normal life, and today I am terrified about the future. As for the past, I oscillate between moments of extreme depression and others of great suffering and anger, with frequent flashbacks.

I am really afraid, and I have many regrets (would things have been different if someone had understood the nature of my problems right away?). And I am very lonely, with no contact with anyone who may have had experiences similar to mine. I don't know if writing in a "global" forum will help me, but it's all I can do for now.

I may return to the nature of my traumas, especially those from childhood, at another time. For now, thank you for your hospitality.