Hi, and thanks for the add to the forum. I'm a 48 year old guy, outwardly successful in terms of a long military career and an even longer career as a surgeon, but it took the first 46 years of broken relationships to finally get in touch with my CPTSD. My story isn't particularly graphic and I honestly think I avoided the diagnosis because my experience wasn't "bad enough," but in working with a new therapist my eyes were opened.
My big struggles are with emotional regulation and a crippling fear of rejection in relationships. My latest partner of 9 months just recently broke up with me because I avoided talking about the debt my two divorces left me with, and she definitely had strong feelings about debt in general. I also had a few episodes of emotional dysregulation where I got verbally mean, and despite explaining that these are treatable symptoms she had no interest in couples therapy or giving me anymore chances. I'm still very much heartbroken by this because I thought I had come so much further through DBT and meds than I thought I had. So it's hard not to feel irrevocably broken, even if I can talk myself down from that negative self talk now.
I'm looking forward to participating and finding healing here. I know that a close, healthy relationship is probably out there for me but I really start to lose hope sometimes.
My big struggles are with emotional regulation and a crippling fear of rejection in relationships. My latest partner of 9 months just recently broke up with me because I avoided talking about the debt my two divorces left me with, and she definitely had strong feelings about debt in general. I also had a few episodes of emotional dysregulation where I got verbally mean, and despite explaining that these are treatable symptoms she had no interest in couples therapy or giving me anymore chances. I'm still very much heartbroken by this because I thought I had come so much further through DBT and meds than I thought I had. So it's hard not to feel irrevocably broken, even if I can talk myself down from that negative self talk now.
I'm looking forward to participating and finding healing here. I know that a close, healthy relationship is probably out there for me but I really start to lose hope sometimes.