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I send this song out to all members, as we keep on pushing on in this horrible battle.  This is a beautiful song by Canadian Daniel Lanois, "That's the Way it is".  I adore these lines, which are quite fitting for this forum:

What's the meaning of the scar
If we don't learn how to heal?

Beet, I'm so sorry for you too.  Thank you for your sympathy.  Your rule is a really good rule and it should be in everyone's house, for every child.  And it should stand for all touching.  It's an excellent time to teach a child boundaries and ownership of the only thing we ever really own in this world - our body. 

Like you, I say it was sexual for the parts that were touched, which became progressively touched - and so much more - over the years.

Like you, in moving forward, I'm trying to understand the common factors in other abuse memories.  It astounds me how many similarities there are in my memories, and how they are all a variation of the tickling memories. In the past I have never been able to get past flooding of memories that just whirled around, only to touch down briefly with memories to find very basic similarities.  It's gut wrenching to do this work as it's the bare bones of the memories.  Or the inner onion later.  Or the brass tacks.  In the angst I am hopeful. 

Thank you again for your courage to open your wounds.  Let's keep moving forward.

Thank you, Kizzie.  Oh dear, running a forum with IT help??  Yikes 😳

Simple Machines???  LOL!  😁

Beet, thank you so much for writing this.  Your description is so raw and honest and detailed and layered.  You're so helpful in my processing because you validate my experience. 

When I sat with my tickling memories, I had no idea what I was in for because I did not know there had ever been anyone who saw tickling as abuse.  So my memories came out similar to your description here, although my format was a collage of words and a photo.  Only then did I look online and see a little bit of info on it.  But I only skimmed a little for two reasons.  Firstly, in my experience hearing about other people's experiences with anything - be it opinions about restaurants or movies or mental illness - can put ideas in my head that aren't my experience.  The second is other people's experiences can create little boxes in my head to tidy up the mess which feels really helpful, but those boxes can also create limitations in exploring my experience.  So I skim only enough to open closeable windows and boxes.  Your description opened a closeable window.  Thank you for that.  Good luck in exploring your experience. 

Hi again. 

Beet, if you put in your browser "tickling abuse" (without the quotes), you will find some pertinent articles.  There isn't much, but enough to validate our experience of tickling as being abusive.

Here is a particularly interesting take on tickling called "tickle torture" in a historicle context.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tickle_torture

Again, I find this Wiki info very validating.

I have been so bowled over by recounting this tickling abuse and at such a loss as to what to make of it that I've started up again with my trauma psychologist. Perhaps you can bring your description of your experience that you've written so clearly and concisely in your post here to your therapist?  In my opinion, the tickling alone that we experienced is enough trauma to cause long-lasting damage.

Thank you both! This forum software is not very user friendly!  Very strange.  Anyway,  I hope to get used to the kinks.

OMG I can't believe I'm reading this. I echo what you all say.  Yes it was CSA for me too.  I'm 61 and came out about my abuse in my late 20s, and I always said the abuse started at least with my first memory of abuse - with the tickling.  But I've never explored the tickling memories with anyone or even myself until August, and it became crystal clear how abusive it was, similar to what you all describe here.  But I couldn't find much on the internet about it.  And here we are.  It was absolutely terrifying and humiliating.  And where do we go from here when we uncover the truth, the reality of the abuse memory?

Hi.  I hope someone can help.  Once I have read even one post in a thread, the thread disappears when I come back later.  How can I see these threads again?  I have looked at the user manual, but can't find answers.  I hope it's not too much to figure out!

Hi Beet!  Welcome to the forum.  I am new here too and look forward to getting through our rough patches together, to journeying together.  Congrats to us for taking the step by joining this forum.  Yay for us! 

Hi Sapphire Queen.  I too have great professional support, but have come here to get peer support, to add to my team, and to support others.  I'm new too.  I trust we will journey well together as long as we keep on keeping on.  So let's just do it!

Welcome, Lina.  I hope you find comfort in the company of others here.  I am new too.  I look forward to journeying with you. 

Thank you all so much for your warm welcome.  We are all on the same page.  Fabulous.  Thank you for your kind words and for opening up in kind.  I look forward to further healthy exchanges.  We've got a lot to talk about, thankfully yet unfortunately, as we have similar experiences.  But this is our lot in life, and I look forward to lightening each other's load. 💖😊💖

Hi all! Off the top, I'm not good at hello's, or goodbyes. So please bear with me as I say hello...

I'm so excited to be able to join this forum. I'm very old, so therefore appreciate this high-tech ability to communicate virtually! Well maybe not that old, depending on your perspective - 61 years old.

I have CPTSD and look forward to the new way of describing it as a reaction rather than my illness. This forum is the first time I've seen that option. How promising!  Imagine a world where mental illness is seen as a reaction to a problemed world, rather than mental illness being a big problem in the healthy world.  Maybe we are simply the symptom of a diseased world - the canaries in the mine? But there is still a lot of beauty in the world too, as there is still a lot of beauty in the mentally ill. 

I'm here because I have CPTSD developed from childhood trauma.  As a result, due to chronic dissociation from my body and medical illnesses as well as medical and psychiatric treatments, I can now barely stand or walk, as of 2-1/2 years ago.  This immobility has thrown me back into traumatic memories because my current situation is very, very reminiscent of my traumatic childhood.  I'd like to start there on this forum, by exploring those similarities, and work through them. 

I'd also love to be able to be here for others.  I've done a variety of therapies in the past, so I have wonderful tools that I'm using now to get through this terrible patch.  What I'm lacking is peer support.  I hope we're a good match here. 

Thank you for listening.