Messages

Hi,

I think I know what you mean. I left home at 18 to escape, met someone and ended up living with him and his parents. His mother was one of the kindest, loveliest and caring people I have ever met. She I.mediately accepted me and treated me like a daughter. I panicked and felt trapped and suffocated. I had not known motherly love like this before and it was such an alien feeling. I didn't know anything about cptsd or know I was being triggered at the time.
In the end, I had to say something. She understood and agreed to tone it back a bit. She wasn't offended or upset at all. I was still triggered by her, but I came to know it wasn't an attack, it was just unfamiliarity with what care felt like.

I understand how you feel walking on eggshells in someone else's home, especially when you live with fear triggers. I never felt comfortable and always assumed I was in the way or a burden to other people. Looking back, I think what everyone has already said is right. There are kind people and, usually, they are happy to help you if they can. I don't like people to tip toe around me but if I know they understand my reactions, I often feel less frightened of a situation.

Thank you all

I'm finding this one of the most difficult aspects of recovery, I was taught at a young age not to complain or make a fuss and was often hit if I did. Hearing others say they have the same thoughts is extremely validating and makes me feel less alone.

Lina

Hi

I am struggling at the moment with working out what is reasonable and what is selfish. I have never put my own needs above others as I have always believed I am irrelevant and unworthy of care. I just push through in silence and don't let on that I am in pain.
I have an active job, but am dealing with a leg injury. I feel that to take time to heal or take it slowly for a bit would be extremely selfish as I would be letting everyone down and causing a nuisance. I feel weak and useless about being in pain. Anyone else in my position, I would tell them to go easy or let someone know they are struggling.

Does anyone else feel confused about this or worked out how to tell the difference between reasonable need and selfishness?

Lina

Hi Dalloway,

I struggle with this too. I have found that by thinking about myself I always believe I am not worthy and that I don't deserve to feel bad because I am not important. However, if I was hearing someone else talk about my experiences happening to them, my heart would break and I would just want to gather them in a hug and hold them and tell them they were safe. I have found that by imagining I am someone else, it allows me to show that compassion without all the negative thoughts. It doesn't always work, but it's the only thing I've found so far that helps.

You are worthy of compassion and care and I hope you find a way to accept it and let yourself feel it.

Hi GcMartyn,

I'm sorry to read of your troubles. I am finding self-compassion the hardest part of recovery, too. When asked in therapy to say anything nice about myself, I just cried. I couldn't do it. I think starting small, very small, and feeling every victory, however insignificant it might feel, can do so much good.
I hope you can find a way to learn who you are. I'm new here too, but I think we were in the right place.

 
Lina

It's heartbreaking to hear from others who have suffered and I'm sorry for everyone who has lived like this. But we know now that we were not responsible for what happened and have, hopefully, found people in our lives who truly care about us.

Hi Nearly there,

I definitely understand about your no so good times. Healing is a long process and we cannot be expected to fight all the time. I have learned to accept the times when I can't cope and not beat myself up about it or force myself to be ok. It makes the good times better, especially when they start to happen more often.

Lina

Thank you for your kind words. I'm finding so much good advice and hope here already.

Hello
I am here because I feel alone, even though I know there are so many people like me. I grew up with an abusive older brother who tormented me at home, school and everywhere in between. He would get other people to join in, spread rumours and frighten off anyone who looked like they might be a friend to me. My parents wouldn't accept that this was happening so just ignored it.
I was depressed and suicidal for most of my teenage years and have struggled to get by ever since.
I have had cbt with a magnificent therapist and am started my healing journey. Like many people here, I am working through the grief and anger and hoping to find a life on the other side.