Messages

Hello Appy Redman, it sounds like you have a very good recovery program underway.  I understand the part of keeping quiet about it with other people.  I'm extremely careful who I mention it to, because the last thing I need is to be dismissed or invalidated or gaslit.  That is usually what happened in the past. I've always felt supported and validated here.

Thank you so much for your positive feedback.  I think a good recovery program is essential, I have just never been able to follow one yet. Yes, sometimes our greatest strength is our silence so that we don't fuel others with a better ability to hurt us.  I am very selective who I speak to about anything personal.  Thank you for letting me know that this site is supportive, that will help keep me returning.

Thank you hope for your sincere wishes.  I hope that you find all that you need for your journey as well. 

Today I take that next big step in trauma recovery and begin a journal.  I could just journal in a notebook that only I can see but I don't choose to because an online one allows for positive feedback and advice in the areas written about.  I am going to utilize this resource for my healing journey.

Today's journal topic is what do I plan to do for my healing journey. I am really just starting to speak about my disorder with others again after years of just keeping quiet about it.  I got tired of trying to help others understand me when they were unable to.  Disorders aren't like more normal logical functioning and symptoms just don't make sense to most people that I have known.

My first step was to join this site and another for learning and support through my healing process.  I haven't been very active yet, but it is now part of my daily schedule.

Step two was allowing my significant other help with pushing me when I don't want to.  I now see myself as accountable to him for my actions.  I have to let him know if I did the work or not. He is a big part of why I am doing this now. The only was for our relationship to be able to be all that we need and want it to be, I have to be able to remain stable.

My third step is to journal at least every other day.  Journaling for me has always been a trigger and I don't like to be triggered.  Sometimes you have to push past the discomfort to get to a point of progress so that is where I am trying to make it to...journaling that doesn't trigger me.

My fourth step is to get serious about peer support groups. I joined one but I would like to find an actual NAMI group to attend.  I think that can be quite beneficial in helping me to be able to talk to people instead of just remaining in the silence.

Step five is to start mindfulness training so that I can help ensure that I am in the here and now fully.  I spend so much time only partially aware of things because parts of my brain can't focus on the here and now.  It gets difficult to function sometimes because I can keep my mind from drifting onto other subjects when I need to focus.

Step 6 is to keep up with a good daily schedule that incorporates all of my healing exercises and helps me to be successful making it through all that I need to do each day.

I believe that adding these things to my daily life will help me dramatically and help me understand what further steps may be necessary for me take towards healing. 

Thank you, Kizzie, for your warm welcome and support. I am glad to have a place like this to kind of stretch my wings a little after being isolated for so long.  I am hoping to make connections that will be helpful for both me and the other people.  It is a long journey through healing, and I honestly appreciate the efforts made by someone such as yourself to help make a site like this site possible.

Sincerely,
Appy

My personality system name is Appy, and it is nice to meet everyone.  I am new here but not new to online forums for mental health issues.  My interest in this site is the fact that it is dedicated to my actual diagnosis. Most sites have a lot of information about all kins of disorders, and it can be very distracting from my own needs.  I am here for awhile
     then I will disappear
          then I will return
                the cycle will continue...that is me taking part online. 

So, please don't try to get too close because when I disappear it is usually from a trigger and there is no warning.  I am just no more.  I have learned that one of the hardest things to do with severe trauma is to listen about other peoples' experience with not so nice people.  It is a pain trigger in me and those tend to cause isolation away from the world.

     The good news is that I am getting better.  I am strengthening against my disorder but still, beware of getting too used to me here.  I don't like to hurt peoples' feelings so just guard against the disappearance act that may come. Other than that, I am looking for people to talk to that I may be able to relate to and possibly build a connection, even if temporary, for the healing journey.