Hi all,
I will try to keep my story brief -- my mental timeline is really blurry so I'm not going to relay ages or anything like that. As a child, my dad had drug problems and was often absent and/or abusive to me, my mom, and my younger sister. We moved in with my grandparents, where I saw more drug problems and started to experience severe emotional abuse and neglect from both my mom and grandparents. Due to that, I was heavily parentified and took care of my younger sister and my brother for many years. I was also in a physically/emotionally abusive relationship for about 4-5 years when I was in high school, and my mom was in an abusive relationship during that same time and well after. I had numerous encounters with her (ex) boyfriend where I genuinely feared for my life, but she didn't do anything about it.
I did end up moving out quite young and cut ties/was disowned by my family because I came out as LGBTQ+, so I moved in with my then-partner. We broke up 3 years later and their parents came over and essentially robbed me. They took everything, even my own stuff that I'd bought for myself. I didn't call the police because I was frozen and didn't understand what was happening -- I had lived with them for a year after I got kicked out of my own house and I thought of them as my other set of parents. I lived out of my car for a few weeks while I found a new apartment and then finally settled down, met my current partner, bought a cat, and started recovering.
I've been doing okay lately, but recently I had to call the police on my neighbors because of domestic violence in their apartment. They live right above me, so I could hear every single thing that happened. It was awful. Since then, I haven't been sleeping, I've had nightmares and panic attacks, and I've had trouble eating, but it almost feels like my personal relationships have been affected the most. I can't be alone in my house, so I feel horrible when my partner leaves our home, but no matter how hard I try, I can't open my mouth and tell my partner/other people how I'm feeling because I can't trust them. I constantly think I'm "too much" and it's like it physically prevents me from reaching out.
I am very grateful to have found this community and I hope that it can help me accept what happened and learn that it's not "too much" to be affected by the things that I've gone through. I also want to destigmatize my symptoms and just find solace in not being entirely alone. Thank you.
I will try to keep my story brief -- my mental timeline is really blurry so I'm not going to relay ages or anything like that. As a child, my dad had drug problems and was often absent and/or abusive to me, my mom, and my younger sister. We moved in with my grandparents, where I saw more drug problems and started to experience severe emotional abuse and neglect from both my mom and grandparents. Due to that, I was heavily parentified and took care of my younger sister and my brother for many years. I was also in a physically/emotionally abusive relationship for about 4-5 years when I was in high school, and my mom was in an abusive relationship during that same time and well after. I had numerous encounters with her (ex) boyfriend where I genuinely feared for my life, but she didn't do anything about it.
I did end up moving out quite young and cut ties/was disowned by my family because I came out as LGBTQ+, so I moved in with my then-partner. We broke up 3 years later and their parents came over and essentially robbed me. They took everything, even my own stuff that I'd bought for myself. I didn't call the police because I was frozen and didn't understand what was happening -- I had lived with them for a year after I got kicked out of my own house and I thought of them as my other set of parents. I lived out of my car for a few weeks while I found a new apartment and then finally settled down, met my current partner, bought a cat, and started recovering.
I've been doing okay lately, but recently I had to call the police on my neighbors because of domestic violence in their apartment. They live right above me, so I could hear every single thing that happened. It was awful. Since then, I haven't been sleeping, I've had nightmares and panic attacks, and I've had trouble eating, but it almost feels like my personal relationships have been affected the most. I can't be alone in my house, so I feel horrible when my partner leaves our home, but no matter how hard I try, I can't open my mouth and tell my partner/other people how I'm feeling because I can't trust them. I constantly think I'm "too much" and it's like it physically prevents me from reaching out.
I am very grateful to have found this community and I hope that it can help me accept what happened and learn that it's not "too much" to be affected by the things that I've gone through. I also want to destigmatize my symptoms and just find solace in not being entirely alone. Thank you.